I Heard The News Today, Oh Boy,....

This morning I woke up (first mistake) turned on the T.V. (second mistake) left it on the channel showing The Chris Matthews Show (third mistake) kept watching - even after it was clear he was only talking to a bunch of hacks from The Washington Post, The New York Times, and TIME Magazine (forth mistake) before (fifth mistake) I got frustrated. 

 Then, a light went on in my head, so I mixed a strong drink, drank it, switched the television off, got back in bed, and happily went right to sleep.

Conclusion: 

I'm really in trouble now,...