The Buddha Without The "Boo"

I recognized something, while in a dream, that woke me up with a real start:

When I was a baby, my mother called me "Buddha".

I didn't know that for 40 years, but, when I learned it, my NewAge ex-wife thought it was perfectly logical, considering my outlook on life and the fact people were prone to ask for my advice.

All that piece of information did, for me, was cause a lot of reckless eye rollin'.

Unlike Barack Obama, I was skeptical of my own alleged god-headedness, not only because the idea of humans as "spiritual" creatures is silly but, also, because my understanding of the cliche' of Buddhism is so deep (and, like life itself, I find human behavior and understanding of such things so trite) I could see in my dream that my ex's recognition meeting head-on with my skeptical gaze - and both regarding my "spiritual nature" - was as much a confirmation that stupid woman would commit adultery (with a "spiritual" quack) as the fact I'd seen her undress. Like many women, flirty fishing in The Family cult or now in love with "The One", Karine Anne Brunck was purely a slut for anyone claiming a spiritual connection or abilities.

And that was when - BOOM! - the dream's over, I'm now wide awake, and totally alone with YOU.

Man, if I'm a "spiritual" being, life sure has a funny way of showing it.

By that time of this discovery that I was born a deity, I was already becoming famous for a primitive song I wrote; a (sort of) Buddhist-inspired thing called "I Am The Sky".

I meant the words of that song as much as I've ever meant anything - just as I mean it when I say or imply (as I often do) that I look forward to dying and being done with all this - and all of you.

I see the inside of my head as an expanse, as wide as the cosmos.

But for my entire life the spiritual types have demanded it be fenced in - and, of course, they always elect themselves as my fence-builders, thank you very much.

Instead of pine or oak or maple, they offer their "beliefs" - and I have to merely pick which one to be hemmed in by.

"You must believe in Jesus!" my foster mothers, with their violent sons (and preachers) demanded.

"You are a very powerful spirit!" the Santería folks exulted when my drummer friends dragged me along.

Buddhists have always picked me out of a crowd for special attention. (Some kind soul even dropped a Book of Mormon on me recently.)

But the biggest insult is been from NewAgers and their even more crackpot idea that I must accept all the beliefs in the world.

Why? Because, whether taken together or individually, what none of these spiritual ideologies - and especially their followers - can grasp is that, if this atheist had a soul, it's mine.

And if you dummies don't get that, then, you're a bigger bunch of idiots than I give you credit for, and - in case you haven't noticed - I don't think too much of some of y'all, already.

My religion, of Art, teaches me that "spirituality", beliefs, gurus - whatever - all this crap is about one thing:

Power.

It's about getting ME to believe in the fucking God or gods THEY want me to believe in.

It's always been about getting ME to read the fucking books THEY want me to read.

It's about getting ME to hear the fucking sermon THEY want me to hear when THEY say they'll deliver it.

It's about getting ME to pray the fucking prayer THEY want me to pray at the time THEY say to pray it.

And Buddhism (Yea, I was getting around to it) is a "spiritual" avenue for ignoring all that - a stupid attempt to get some control over, and thus suck all the air out of, a person's acceptance of real life AKA atheism.

Sorry, but that bird's not gonna fly.

See, here's the thing - pay attention now:

Never once have I seen believers gain the clarity to understand that all that nonsense is unnecessary to my personal (AKA "spiritual") freedom.

Never once have believers taken the time to understand that they all make themselves look like fucking ignoramus' for ever trying it on me.

(Search all you want: I'm truly not savable.)

And never once do believers take the time to understand that, since so few of them live up to their beliefs, they're just bright and shiny beacons of hypocrisy who really ought to try giving it a rest for a change.

That's the truly modern, and progressive, thing to do.

And - before you "followers" dismiss these suggestions out of hand - I think you should keep one other very-important thing in mind:

These words are coming to you straight from the Buddha.