Wake Up, Folks: Losing Is Supposed To Feel Bad

Oh Man, when Saturday Night Live announced Winning! is taking on a whole new meaning, they weren't kidding:

After years of claiming presidential immunity to avoid legal proceedings, Jacques Chirac is finally facing a court.

The former president, a bugaboo for George W. Bush during his rush to war in Iraq, on Monday becomes France's first former head of state to go on trial since its Nazi-era leader was exiled.

That is, if the whole case isn't derailed by a last-minute protest by another defendant.

If the trial goes ahead as planned, Chirac, 78, faces a month in court on charges that he masterminded a scheme to have Paris City Hall pay for work that benefited his political party when he was mayor — before he became president in 1995.

A prison term is seen as highly unlikely, but in principle if convicted, Chirac could be jailed for up to 10 years and fined euro150,000 ($210,000).

France's restive political circles are gearing up for next year's presidential race, but the fallout from this trial is unlikely to hit anyone other than Chirac and the nine other defendants including a grandson of Gen. Charles de Gaulle and a former left-wing labor union leader.

Still, the trial looms as an embarrassing coda to Chirac's 12-year presidential term, potentially denting his legacy, recent philanthropic work and image as one of France's most popular personalities since he left office.

So, let's see, what do we have here:

The supposed ally, who said "We do not agree" during the Iraq War, tormenting the United States and President Bush (who is going through an amazingly positive reassessment) is facing trial for being a cheat and a liar? And wasn't it France's position during the war that fueled the Left's opposition here?

Hmmm. Winning!

Also, the grandson of Charles de Gaulle, who lied to paint the French as heroic during WWII - the lie that gives that country the balls to criticize us no matter how many times we come to their aid - he could be in trouble as well?

Duh - Winning!

And, finally, there's a former "left-wing labor union leader" in trouble, too?

Winning! Winning! Winning! Winning! Winning!

We don't know what you're thinking, but you losers out there better get with the program, because this Winning! thing is sweeping the world,...

And Don't Expect Any Help This Time Assholes

The French are a fucking joke:

How dare he? How dare he?!?! Le Monde's Nicolas Bourcier can barely hide his shock at the fact that, in his new autobiography, George W Bush "has the gall" ("l'ex-président … ose") to defend his policies, from the War in Iraq to waterboarding. How typical of Dubya ("Du Bush dans le texte")!

Meanwhile, the Wall Street Journal's Daniel Henninger wrote a book review of Decision Points while Kimberley A Strassel published an interview with Dubya, in which we learn that there are the anecdotes about Jacques Chirac, who at several points lectures the U.S. on the folly of morality or idealism. When I ask the president if he wants to expand, he starts, stops, and gives that Bush chuckle. "Let's just say he wasn't a freedom-agenda guy."

Yea. Like America's sunny, and happily married, Dubya needed lessons on the dark side, by the cowardly Crown Prince of Adultery, from Le Land of Losers.

Can you imagine?

We are so glad to be American. With the exception of the Civil War and 9/11, we have never had a serious conflict on our soil so we, as a people, are pretty much immune from the soul-scarring cynicism of Yurp. We know we can do things, while they're trapped in self-inflicted visions of failure - and will be for centuries to come.

Is the European Union collapsing? Oh - so sad. And - oh - so typical. (And - oh - so expected!) But, still, they expect us to listen to them ("France does not agree!") like their word, which they've betrayed countless times, collectively and individually, means anything. We're like a Gold Medalist who they insist should be getting tips from someone in the Special Olympics. As the French like to say (because their lazy Socialist/Commie backstabbing asses can't do shit) "this is not done." And, thank goodness, it never will.

Eat our dust, Frogs.

Sumo Tries To Tell Jacques Chirac He's An Idiot

"Former French president Jacques Chirac was rushed to hospital after being mauled by his own 'clinically depressed' pet dog.

The 76-year-old statesman was savaged by his white Maltese dog - which suffers from frenzied fits and is being treated with anti-depressants.

The animal, named Sumo, had become increasingly violent over the past years and was prone to making 'vicious, unprovoked attacks', Chirac's wife Bernadette said.

The former president, who ruled France for 12 years until 2007, was taken to hospital in Paris where he was treated as an outpatient and sent home, VSD magazine reported.

Mrs Chirac said: 'The dog went for him for no apparent reason.

'We were already aware the animal was unpredictable and is actually being treated with pills for depression.'"

-- Ian Sparks, on what can only be described as a "good doggie," in The Daily Mail.