We have noticed a reluctance of members of the Celebrity Worship Cult to report to the Disintegration Chambers when directed to do so for the good of the economy and humanity.This is unacceptable, as you moron losers are screwing and distorting life for rational people.
So this is our sure-fire plan: You will each wear the hat pictured above. This will make it easy to spot you from anywhere, even from airplanes and helicopters and maybe even on Google Earth. You will then get what’s coming to you.
Now you’re probably saying to yourself “That’s silly, now that we know your evil plan, we won’t wear the hat”.
Yes you will.
You will not resist in anyway. You will wear the hat, even as you struggle with the great anxiety of doing so. You are one of Pavlov’s dogs. Do not underestimate your simple mindedness.
By now you’re no doubt wondering how we will accomplish that, so here’s the rest of the plan:
We’re going to use Heidi Klum. She will wear the hat, you will follow.Klum came to our attention because she sued an unemployed man for $2800 because he made a handful of flyers announcing a Friday night dance in his small town, and made the huge mistake of using a photo of her from the internet. He doesn’t even know who she is. She won that suit, and thankfully, a socialite and actress, Jenny Elvers Elbertzhagen, stepped in to pay the money.
Now Klum’s annual income is estimated at $14 million ($14,002,800 this year). And where does this broken ego, sack-O-slut asshole get this money?
From you.
To give her proper credit, we know she can endure being photographed for nearly three hours straight, but she doesn’t do anything to really earn the truckloads of money you brain-dead cretins send her.
If she craps her pants, you pay to see the stain. If she blows her nose, you jerk-offs bid on it at Ebay. If she endorses a shit sandwich, you line up to buy ‘em and eat ‘em.
So now you’re thinking “Now that she knows your evil plan, she won’t hurt us, she won’t wear the hat”.
Yes she will.
She doesn’t care about you beyond separating you from your money and you stroking her dilapidated ego.
So we will offer her money and compliments in exchange for your demise. And she will wear the hat, despite the deep foreboding she feels about her own well-being. She is a Pavlov dog on steroids.
When her turn comes to enter the Chamber, we will tell her how awesome she is, and she will happily sign over her fortune to us. We will then use that to build more Chambers.
And the world will be a better place.
