We Are A Tree - Bearing The Fruit Of Evil

This headline in the Modesto Bee got my attention:

Pagan Weddings Attract More Than A Cult Following

But then, with "pagan" and "cult" in the title, it's just the sort of thing that would,...

It seems quite a few couples are taking that big leap with a whole other set of rules, without noticing that human nature doesn't change all that much - including our capacity to point and snicker - and with those get-ups, above, who wouldn't? The Modesto Bee article admits that most people regard pagan weddings as "mystical, bizarre and even evil" but - hey - why let a little thing, like everyone regarding you as "evil", stop you? It'll probably come in handy when you're trying to enroll the kid in school. If this is your kid:

What can be evil about a wedding you ask? Well, let's start with the vows:

According to Wiccans, you don't marry "'till death do us part" but "as long as our love endures", which, I shouldn't have to tell you, could be right until after the wedding when somebody new comes along. That's a lousy deal if you bought a gift for the ceremony. But since Wiccans emphasize the "moral autonomy of women" - not the character-building unity of a couple - what's to stop it from happening? Certainly not a little thing like the man that woman just "married". That idiot doesn't matter. You're "evil", remember?

"Wiccans take a stand against patriarchy and misogyny," says Lloyd Steffen, a religion professor at Lehigh University. They're also into "greater environmental awareness and the higher status of women".

Higher? Higher than who? What kind of a marriage is it where one partner is automatically higher than the other? And the environmental awareness part is a hoot. I, for one, will have to miss your ceremony if it means sitting through another lecture on the need to recycle or the perils of Global Warming.

Sorry, but I'll just have to celebrate your one-sided bond in my own way,...like driving my car as fast as I can while wantonly throwing styrofoam out the windows.

Raven Kaldera, a Massachusetts officiant and co-author of the book "Handfasting & Wedding Rituals: Welcoming Hera's Blessing" instructs her fellow clergy to take gay and lesbian weddings especially seriously. 'For many gay and lesbian couples, this is the only celebration they will get to have.'"

Raven Kaldera has obviously never lived in, or near, a gay community because, if there's one thing they're not short on, it's celebrations.

What do you think Feather Girl, above, is celebrating? Man, I got a lesbian friend that could really show her what to do with that feather: she'd call it "the power of the ancients" and everything!

Speaking of gay couples (and contradicting Raven Kaldera completely) Pete Burns, from the band Dead Or Alive - which in 1985 had the No. 1 hit record, "You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)" - is divorcing his husband/wife/whatever, saying gay marriages are "a total joke"; gays are too promiscuous (No!) and asking "How low is their self-esteem?" (From the looks of things - that's Mr. Burns on the left - I'd say pretty darned low,...) Mr. Burns was married for 28 years to a female hair stylist - I shit you not - who stereotypically "needed to find her own life" (whatever that means) so he went on to marry the guy he now claims broke his collarbone.

If you ask me, it just sounds like more of the "moral autonomy of women" and "as long as our love endures" crap. It's no wonder conservatives are fighting to protect marriage because these fools don't have a clue about what it's for or what to do once in it.

And finally, on the "weddings from Hell" front, according to GlossLip.com, Nicole Kidman, the ex-Mrs. Tom Cruise, “wants her kids freed from Scientology." You can read the rest for yourself but I'll just leave you by making the obvious observation that if she was Wiccan, or gay, she wouldn't be having these problems.

Yea, I know: I'm "evil".