Gwyneth Paltrow's Vagina Is Supposedly The Bomb (But Almost Smells Of Death)

Paltrow's Vagina-Scented Candle Explodes, Scaring Texas Man, Impressing Neighbors 

They keep calling them "Vagina-Scented" candles, without telling us how GOOP determined accuracy: Did Gwynnie toss a pair of soiled panties at a room full of pseudoscientists - or was a first-hand sniff (from the real thing) forced on them? And - since more than one candle has spontaneously combusted - has GOOP gone back, to determine if Paltrow's actual secretions are dangerous to humanity? Or if a NewAge Nazi's odor possesses possible military applications, we've not previously considered? Like,..nuclear applications? 

Considering the number of celebrity spouses and "lovers" she's had, the public could, and should, have been warned,...