Oranges And White Bread Is A Healthy Dinner, Right? (If Not, I Seriously Think I'm Going To Die)

" Just imagine, for a moment, a Chuck Schumer or John McCain standing up in the U.S. Senate to call for a probe into John Travolta's bizarro buddies and the allegations -- proven many times over in numerous court cases -- that Scientology is more economic scam than 'religion.'"

-- Tony Ortega, in The Village Voice.

I hear you, buddy. Really.

But then I'd have to imagine a totally different world - one where people were capable of serious thought - but, under the circumstances, that's just not realistic:

"James Arthur Ray had spent the money that customers prepaid for future events when his business collapsed in October, according to a class-action lawsuit a Tucson attorney filed against Ray.

In the suit, filed by local lawyer Todd Jackson, plaintiffs estimate that 1,000 or more people had prepaid James Ray International for future events when three people died at a Ray event near Sedona on Oct. 3. When Ray's business subsequently stopped holding new events, no money was left to pay back customers who had prepaid as much as $12,000 for future events, the complaint says.

Jackson, representing Ray customers Susan Smyser, Patricia Franklin and Kim Wilson, filed the suit in Maricopa County Superior Court April 2.

The three women had separately fronted about $24,000 to Ray's company for events scheduled for 2009, 2010 and even 2011: '21st Century Alchemy 2010,' 'Urban Shaman,' 'Quantum Leap 2009,' and 'Practical Mysticism 2010,' among others."

-- The Arizona Daily Star

Now how can I imagine a truly "enlightened" world when I see women so stupid it could be argued they already got their money's worth out of these deals:

Using 21st Century Alchemy, this Urban Shaman took their minds on a Quantum Leap into Practical Mysticism, and now their money is gone, too.

See? The "spiritual contract" is fulfilled! It worked! Lesson learned. You're goofy, bless your heart, now get outta here.

But then they do get outta here, and then what happens?

"A self-described Wiccan had a man's phone number programmed in her cell phone under the word 'sacrifice' before she stabbed him to death, then claimed he had tried to rape her, authorities said Thursday."

-- Sue Major Holmes, writing for The Associated Press.

They're NewAgers, people:

You can't turn your back on 'em for a second.

Man Up? Man Up, My Ass: It's A TMR Linkfest! II

"So, Crack, how exactly do you propose I stop NewAge?"



That's easy. For starters, stop inviting ugly NewAge transsexual voodoo priestesses to "cleanse" your home by molesting your kids. That would be a hell of a start. As a matter of fact, if an ugly transsexual introduces themselves as a voodoo priestess, it's probably best to just say, "Yea, right, Fatso" and keep on moving.

Another thing you can do is start becoming aware of the signs. There's certain symbolism NewAgers are attracted to, like U.F.O.s and cancer, that define the parameters of their vision. They all gravitate to the same stuff. I mean, Scientology's also based on the concept of aliens, right? And they also claim to cure cancer.

Catching on yet?

So, of course, they want to "save the planet". And, of course, the guru's got an "organic penis" - who doesn't? The point is, if you start to notice what NewAgers focus on, you can easily navigate around them, avoiding the pitfalls of their stupidity while, also, denying them someone new (whether it be you or one of your friends) to exploit.

One way you can learn to spot the symbols (without actually attending a stupid seminar or ritual) is to study the signs you can easily find in the mediasphere, especially regarding Hollywood, like when a NewAge fruitcake divorces his pseudoscientific-autism-spouting anti-vaccination porn star wife whose ideas hurt kids. (Child abuse is big with this crowd.)

Do you see? There's a lot of stuff to work with there. Or how about the actor who called a psychic when (cancer alert!) he fell ill? Normal guys wouldn't do that. Bone up on this stuff - start with one of my favorites, quackery, maybe - and you, too, can at least be assured to avoid some really bad entertainment.

Try to avoid stupid paranoid groups is another one that comes to mind. What are they afraid of? Those folks who are always on you to, for instance, treat your dinner plate like a medicine cabinet, are a pretty safe bet to have already been indoctrinated into something, even if it's just liberalism. Those who hold others selectively accountable are also suspect in my book.

Damn it - gotta go - but, rest assured, I'll be back,...

Man Up? Man Up, My Ass: It's A TMR Linkfest!

O.K., you're here, so I guess you want to see the goods, right? Do you want to see the goods? Fine - get a load of this:

How about a woman who let her addiction to psychics "ruin her marriage"? My favorite quote from that one is:

"Everyone I worked with in TV said her predictions were 100 per cent accurate."

There are NewAgers, dumb enough to believe in psychics, working in the media? Who knew?

That might explain all those TV programs featuring "unexplained mysteries", huh?

It also explains the media's unexamined support for nonsense, like:

Oprah's candidate

"Going Green"

Climate Change

Global Warming

Healthcare

And quackery, along with a whole host of other NewAge obsessions that the rest of you dummies have taken as your own concerns.

What other areas are they taking root in?

Face it:

You don't know, so you're all being played for fools.

How stupid are people?

How about an entire town dumb enough to believe they were visited by U.F.O.s?

Or how about two of them?

Yea, today, when it comes to the idiot brigade, I aim to deliver.

Damn it - I've got to tend to something else for a minute:

Ya'll work on this for a while - maybe let me know what you want to see stuff on - and pass it 'round. I'm sure there's somebody bored at work, or something, who can use it.

One Guy Who Needs To Face Judge Judy

"The U.S. Geological Survey is blaming day-to-day seismological changes for Sunday's 7.2 earthquake along the U.S.-Mexico border. But Deepak Chopra, the famed alternative-medicine practitioner and transcendental meditation guru, is pretty sure he knows what really happened.

'Had a powerful meditation just now -- caused an earthquake in Southern California,' Chopra wrote to his nearly 179,000 Twitter followers shortly after the quake.

And then, to clarify: 'Was meditating on Shiva mantra & earth began to shake,' he tweeted. 'Sorry about that.'

Chopra might want to apologize directly to those in California, who haven't suffered significant infrastructure damage but are still bracing for more temblors, and to those in Mexico, where two are dead, hundreds are injured and thousands are still without power."

-- Katie Drummond, causing Glenn Reynolds to suggest somebody ought to sue the guru - yea: let's see him explain away that one - which would be a true "miracle" worthy of me becoming a "follower", an event big enough for AOL News.

Maxine Is Good (At Eating Her Own Tongue)

Like a bridge over troubled Waters,...

It's All About Reflexes (Boys Will Be Boys)

I betcha somebody challenged Bret Stephens to "think fast" over at The Wall Street Journal, and he went and wrote this, much too quickly:

"So global warming is dead, nailed into its coffin one devastating disclosure, defection and re-evaluation at a time. Which means that pretty soon we're going to need another apocalyptic scare to take its place."

Hey Bret, if the 2012 prophecy fits the bill - dude, be my NewAge guest. It's been waiting a long, long time for ya, Buddy. A long, long time. Just ask the Mayans. It's science.

Aww, who am I fooling? What's the next hysteria? Is that what I need to ponder, Bret? Is that really the best you got? Look, I'll tell you what the next hysteria is, Son:

My declaring shit an EPIC FAIL.

I have to admit though, BS is usually right on the money when it comes to grab-assing head games,...I'd just really hate to see his reaction, now, if somebody ever invited him to play a set of "hot hands".