OK Moonbeam, Do You Really Want To Be Different?

Well…Do ya punk?

If you ask many fools why they have 25 pierced earrings in one or both ears, or what’s with the tongue stud or pierced labia
or nipples and tattoos or why they believe cult crap and drink armadillo piss, you’ll frequently get this type of answer:

“I want to express myself, be different and unique”.

Well, sorry Twinkie, all you did is quit group ‘A’ and join group ‘B’. Just another brick in the other wall.

And it is a clear and present demotion.

If you really want to be unique, different and, in this culture and on this planet, rare, it’s simple:

Be an adult. Think you can handle that, Scooter?

You Too Can Adapt To Screwing Yourself

'My Tongue Stud Scares Off Men'

Unlucky-in-love actress DREW BARRYMORE is blaming her new tongue piercing for her lack of man action.

The film beauty underwent the painful decorative procedure after splitting from her ex-boyfriend, comedy actor JUSTIN LONG, last summer.

And although Drew’s delighted with her bejewelled mouth organ, she fears potential suitors are turned off by it.

She revealed on ELLEN DEGENERES’ chatshow: “I have had it for nine months, I got it and I have been single ever since. I don’t know what the deal is with that.

“I luckily did it for myself. I had always wanted to get one.”

The Charlie’s Angels star admitted she couldn’t eat or drink for weeks after the piercing.

She added: “After it was done I was like, ‘Oh my God why wouldn’t people do this? It doesn’t hurt at all,’ and the guy said, ‘What I didn’t tell you is that for the next two weeks it is going to be a little uncomfortable.’

“Two hours later I couldn’t eat or drink for two weeks, it was a great diet in a weird way, a sick and sadistic diet and after that it was fine.”

-- The Sun

Our advice to Drew:

If you want to round out the effect, staple some cat shit to your forehead.