Kings For An Evening

"What a mensch this guy is. Total sweetheart. As soon as he was elected, he told me he would come to the negotiating table without preconditions. You know what 'preconditions' are? That's Persian for 'balls.' Barack, one look at the stars on the stage proves you still have a knack for community organizing. You've brought the entire evil community together, in the spirit of international dialog, to ask you one simple question: how does our ass taste?

(rimshot)

But not everybody has a sense of humor. When I was planning this roast, I sent invitations to every bigshot infidel TV comic in Satanland, but they all turned me down. Was it my holocaust one-liners? My ballistic missile schtick? Nope. These douchebags said they couldn't think of anything funny about Barack Obama. Not a single thing.

(scattered groans, boos)

Yeah, exactly. I mean what the fuck? Maybe I should get my SAG card, because, come on, this clueless pussy is the biggest gift to international insult comedy since Neville Chamberlain. Holy dung, when we heard the infidels elected him, I almost had to shut down my nuke program. My scientists were laughing so hard they kicked over half of our centrifuges!

(Ghadaffi sprays tea on Assad )

But, no-o-o, all these professional comedy dipshits keep telling me Professor Urkel over here is some sort of infidel sacred joke cow. I called up Letterman, and I'm like, Dave how about a couple Obama zingers for the roast tonight? He's like, 'no, no, too controversial. Everybody loves him.' And so I'm like, how about if I just insult America? So he's like, 'yeah, sure, that's fine.'

Okay then, here's one: man, that America is one stupid country.

(audience: HOW STUPID IS IT?)

It's so fucking stupid it elected Barack Obama.

Hey, hey. I kid because I love."

-- Shecky Ahmedinejad, displaying his comedy stylings at "The Barack Obama Celebrity Roast", on Iowahawk.