Stretch, Bitches: You'll Never Touch That Flag

"SANTA MONICA, Calif. — The yogis arrived toting their mats and towels and SIGG water bottles. Some had waited a half hour before being allowed to claim tiny plots of floor just inches from one another. They jostled and chatted while setting up their spaces, some kicking up into handstands to loosen up.

It was 9 a.m. on a recent Saturday. The decibel level rose to that of a rowdy cocktail party. The crowd was a mix of Type-A careerists and tattooed freelancers who mold their work schedules around their yoga practice — or professionally accessorize their Lululemon outfits with heavy engagement rings. Today everyone seemed relatively calm; in the past, eruptions of mat rage have led to tears.

And then the teacher walked in. He had a gray crew cut, a message-free tank top and shorts, without a Buddhist bead or Sanskrit phrase visible anywhere.

'Come on people, let’s get started,' he said in a New York accent, as if leading a conference call.

Then he cranked up 'Misty Mountain Hop' by Led Zeppelin and led the students through a warm-up of sun salutations. Soon he had them stretching into a difficult split pose.

'Didn’t you see the torture memos this week?' called out Jane Harman, a 63-year-old devoted student in the front row, who also happens to be the United States Representative for the South Bay region of Los Angeles County.

The teacher responded, 'That’s why I’m doing this.'"

-- Deborah Schoeneman, putting the lie to how calm and peaceful yoga makes people ("eruptions of mat rage have led to tears") and further exposing the Democrats as a party of cultists (Jane Harmon!) and allowing us to remind you, once again, it's already old news the newspaper of choice for NewAge presented-as-normal-thought coverage is The New York Times.