Hot Stuff (There Was Nothing Left But Getting Goopy,...)

If you haven't read this by now, or figured it out on your own, then you're completely out of touch:

Pour it on: Study ties coffee to longer life. 

 There. Now you know: 

♪ I'm going to live fo-re-ver! ♬ I'm going to live fo-re-ver! ♪ 

Oh dear - will somebody please help me? 

*Sigh* 

My name is Gwyneth Paltrow, I'm a NewAger, and I let Madonna put Foldger's in my butt,…