Saturday, May 19, 2012

Jailhouse Rock (And All That Comes With It,...)


While reading at the Althouse blog, it occurred to me that I've never heard a Lisa Marie Presley song, when she's supposed to be a recording artist or something. This one starts off promising, but then quickly degenerates into a mediocre meander, forgetting they've got a great guitar hook to lean on and falling back on that my-dad's-sleepy-eyes-are-now-on-heroin look instead. If The King's alive, as many still "believe," this'll explain why he hasn't shown his face.

I only ran across the song because Elvis' little girl is either a Scientologist or a former Scientologist (no, "normal" is not an option) and I needed something to prove all the super-expensive "training" those cultists go through doesn't make them perfect, "clear," or even any good. Plus, I didn't think you'd buy this headline without something else Scientology-related to make it plausible, and some crap tune called "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" (not to be confused with the classic BTO - thanks, CJ) seemed to fit the bill - here goes:
John Travolta 'tried to perform oral sex act on Grease co-star Jeff Conaway as he was sleeping'
I've mentioned this frequent homosexual "move" before (and apparently such behavior's fine with "gay" marriage activists who, I guess, will soon be demanding it take the place of getting down on one knee and proposing) so I'm thinking this story might contain a sliver of truth. It's certainly been mine. 

Scientology frowns on homosexuality, of course - seeing it as a defect caused by those bloody "thetans" and NOT one possibly caused by staring into Jeff Conaway's (or George Clooney's) eyes too long. L. Ron Hubbard was weird that way. Mitt Romney is, too.

Whatever the case may be, I say, as a way to help "cure" a fellow Scientologist, Lisa Marie Presley should immediately offer to let Travolta gaze into her precious peepers while she sings this song:

Because, if he's anything like me, it'll surely break him of all desire, for anyone, ever again,...