How We Got Trump (By The Skin Of Our Teeth)

White Women Are Entitled (To Be Mentally Oppressed)

“I don’t fucking care if you like it.”

Above are Amy Poehler’s words, said to Jimmy Fallon, that made her a hero to Tina Fey and Slate’s Amanda Hess - words that definitely wouldn’t have endeared her to whites, under any circumstances, as a black person - and probably would’ve resulted in the loss of her job.

Fey actually brags about those words in her revealingly-titled book, “Bossypants,“ (For comparison, Indian American Mindy Kaling’s book is called, “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?”) but we’re still supposed to buy Ann Althouse’s blonde bullshit about sexism being as big of a hinderance to white women’s lives as race is to blacks. Here are some of Poehler’s chapter titles:

“Say Whatever You Want”; “Do Whatever You Like”; “Be Whoever You Are.”

I guess, along with everything else they assume about the races they avoid, blonde’s think we still can’t understand that we can’t do any of those things,...without white's interference.

No, you see, what whites understand is, it’s still their place to educate everyone else - as they used to bring us Jesus - for our own good, of course. Their ultimate advice, repeated endlessly to me online and off, is to do as white’s do (“C’MON, WHO HASN’T CHEATED?”) as though challenging white people is in Dale Carnegie’s “How To Win Friends And Influence People.” Check out this quote:

”Women are still underrepresented as writers, directors, and stars of comedy, but the few women who have clawed to prominence on TV can find a comfortable perch in the publishing world.”

Hell, considering how whites have maneuvered themselves since the Grammy’s - putting whites in even Rap’s top spots - blacks can’t be said to have a “comfortable perch” anywhere whites exist. And (here’s the kicker) their dislike increases as long as we mention it. “I don’t fucking care if you like it,” indeed.

“This sounds okay, but not as good as Tina Fey’s book. Why isn’t this more like Tina Fey’s book?”

- Mindy Kaling

“I cannot change the fact that I am an American White Woman” Poehler writes, while Fey filled her book with “practical tips on how to make it in a male-dominated workplace.” Is there a writer of color that features such sentiments today? Who could? Women outnumber men, but somehow, the white ones seem to forget I’m-the-minority-who-pushes-people-around-and-you-can-too is just begging for that 6 to 1 white blowback, while white women can, and do, get applause (mostly from other white women) for even thinking it. And now they even demand blacks join in.

“When did you fall in love with Amy Poehler?” Slate’s Amanda Hess asks, as though it’s a given everyone has done so. As though Poehler, or Tina Fey, have done anything as endearing, striking, or influential, as Eddie Murphy’s work on SNL. Even when including 30 Rock, they haven’t. They’re just there - which is an accomplishment - but hardly worthy of the assumption of universal admiration or acclaim.

Like Althouse bragging that the repulsive Rush Limbaugh (of all people) mentioned her attacks on Obama, these white women stand for little besides their own celebrity, causing Hess to say “Poehler’s naming of her nanny is framed as a brave reveal” (revealed: a white woman has a nanny!) while “other subjects are just deflected.” Of course they are, because white women can play it safe. What’s on the line for them? Falling back to #2 in the white world? Heavens to Betsy. Hess also adds “lowered stature frees” white women “for more straight talk.”

Well, there’s no one lower than blacks in America, unless you include “a virginal college-aged Fey scrambling up a Virginia mountain at night in a desperate bid to get laid by a terrible guy.”

Somehow, after all the black books I’ve read - compared to just living in the obliviousness of white folks - that’s rarely been blacks, or even black women’s, problem. As that quote reveals, it’s white’s awful life choices that are. Hess asks a great question at the end of her piece:

“When Lena Dunham inked a deal for her own comedy/memoir/advice book, at age 26, she was criticized for her hubris: Why would such a young woman think she had anything meaningful to say?”

I’ll let you guess what the answer is from where blacks sit,…

Steve Martin Did A Bad Thing - Needed An Edumacation

Poor Steve Martin - the internet is becoming, like, The Hills Have Eyes or some shit for racism:

Then came dismay at the unwarranted betrayal - did Steve Martin ever have a Ghetto Pass? He plays the banjo, so I don't know. The banjo can make racism sound happy, like Martin famously said it could, for Nixon.

Big laugh.

 

Is it bash black folks day on twitter? RT @trice10552: Steve Martin coming for us too? For why?

O.K., Stevie, you're white, you're rich - you've used race, blacks and Indians (almost exclusively) for comedy before - what do you say? It's the Buddha calling, baby - Big Time. You know the New Age rules - you and Tina Fey made a movie about them:

BE HUMBLE!

Sorry about that. RT @illmami: I'm not totally offended but I don't want to be the one saying it. It was witty. But nawl. Not today.

Ooooh - EXCUUUUUUUUUUUSE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! 

Not. Humble. Enough. Steve. 

Too "sophisticated" for any American but the cocksucking French art lovers you're known to hang with now - try again:

I did apologize. But again, a second later I realized what an offensive thing I'd done. Deep bow.

Better - 12 Years of Cool - but know something: 

 You've been walking a very-thin cultural line, for a long time now, Mr. Mark Twain Award winner and - like blogging professors - we expect better of you. 

And we're very disappointed when you fail us. Believe it or not - we're counting on you. 

And it's important that we do.

Yeah, I learned that.

Good - so go hold up your end and keep helping with the others who can't:

And stay afloat, Holmes - we love you,...

I Couldn't Agree More

"It's time to mix it up with some Heaven's Gate humor."

It's All Made Up - Like A Bed - To Look "Good"

A brilliant, Crystal-worthy skit by Tina Fey and Steve Martin for the Best Original Screenplay gong, in which they riff about how every blank page starts with a dead tree, which, in turn, starts with a seed.

Martin: "And every tiny seed on earth was place here by the alien king Rondalay, to foster our titrates, and fuel our postive transfers."

Fey: "Ah, Steve, no-one wants to hear about our religion. That we made up."

A dig at Scientology in the Academy Awards? Brilliant.

Dustin Lance Black wins for Milk.

-- The Times Online

O.K., let's see if we can get all this "brilliance" in at once:

Steve Martin played Tina Fey's ruthless NewAge boss in "Baby Mama" (pictured above). They tell a joke about "the world's most dangerous cult" at The Academy Awards - which they did while announcing the "Best Screenplay" award for Milk - a screenplay that painted a politician as some kind of "gay saint" by studiously leaving out any mention of his long-and-ugly associations with Jim Jones and The People's Temple cult that killed 900 (mostly black) people from the San Francisco Bay Area - and, by the way, blacks are one of the groups gays are now mad at because they didn't vote for Prop. 8.

Yes, brilliance - another NewAge mind fuck of epic proportions - but, still, brilliant.

Considering all this, we sincerely don't know how NewAgers sleep at night, with so much blood on their hands.

Actually, we do, and it's not well.

Liberals Doing Actual Conservative Comedy? Now The Macho Response Calls That Really Funny!

This was fucking great! It seems like the true spirit of comedy is the only way we'll get honest bipartisanship in this country. If that's true - and I hope it's not - I say bring it on! This was better than a week's worth of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report combined! Fucking hilarious!

You're Laughing At Yourselves

What passes for humor in Democratic circles is pretty lame: Sarah Palin is stupid, John McCain is old, etc.. I watched this last night and didn't laugh once, while listening to the liberals - howling - just because Tina Fey showed up.

Like the audiences for David Letterman and Bill Maher (Bush is stupid) or even The Daily Show and The Colbert Report (the Republicans are stupid) it's just too simpleminded to be truly humorous. Just preaching to the choir - without any music - drawing in nobody but the true believers. Comedians should be able to do better.

Now this was good:

Now, that isn't funny because I don't like Bill Clinton (and I don't) but because, on various levels, it effortlessly nails him - as exactly the kind of dishonest, smarmy, disloyal, creep Democrats associate with and defend - which really isn't funny at all, but it got me laughing anyway, what can I say? The ugliness Democrats openly support - while imagining nobody else can see it - cracks me up.

Plus, as hilarious as it may sound, I'll take old and stupid over dishonest and smarmy any day.

Who Ever Needs A Man (When Women Will, Gladly, Always Start Sticking It To Each Other)?

"I am woman, hear me roar", my ass,...