Demi Moore’s Merkin Gets Waxed

No, not that one. The one she married.

In a video posted by TMZ, Kutcher attempts a rip-off of ‘The Forty Year Old Virgin’ except it’s not funny or even amusing.

No slaves were harmed, or freed, in the making of this video.

We Are The Squirrels, We Are The Gerbils

In a cross between “We Are The World” and the recent “Celebrity Pledge” ass-fest, Norman Lear has chimed in with “Born Again American”.

Well Norman, we don’t need to be born again, as we got it right the first time. In fact, Norman, fuck you and everyone like you.

Here’s an sample of the bullshit dripping off of this video masturbation: a woman and self-made professional victim, sings that her brother is “welding chassis at the plant”, presumably an auto plant and then sings “he’s earning what our granddad did in 1948”. What? We don’t fucking think so. $70.00 an hour was unheard of in 1948.

Typical liberal cry-baby crap. Make up what doesn’t exist and then protest your own lie, dumb-shit.

This whole video is like being subjected to projectile diarrhea in an elevator.

So nimrods, instead of singing and whining about shit you could have been doing for years, here’s a few things you can do that would really work:

Go to work, pay your bills, stop running up your credit cards, stop worshipping celebrities and cults, stop banging your neighbors spouse, stop telling your kids how smart and special they are when they fail or worse, when they do nothing.

And stop whining, assholes.

Go away Norman, we’ve been fine without watching you self-inflict a mind fuck.

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Pimp This Bum

So where are the celebrity pledger assholes when you need them?

Celebrity Pledge Update:

Demi Moore, right, took her Merkin to Berlin, Germany for a film screening.

There is no evidence any slaves were freed during the trip, but as you can see, Demi practiced and practiced her “trout pout”, while Merkin tried hard to look like an adult.

Oh - Wow - Did You Say Global ‘Warming’?

In Madonna rumors, feeling a little spurned by not being included in the "I Pledge” jerk-fest, Minge decided to act on her own by embracing Al Gore’s, as she put it, “War on global sperming”.

Minge, never one to shy away from a challenge, vehemently vowed to “Rid the world of sperm, one penis at a time”.

Reportedly she has confided to close associates she will “Save the planet, making a huge personal sacrifice by ingesting all the sperm in the world”.

When it was pointed out to her that Al Gore’s war was on global warming, and that she may have misunderstood him, Minge, looking a little blank, said “Whatever”.

Joseph Nigro - With A Celebrity Pledge Update

As promised, we’re keeping track of Demi Moore and her Merkin, Ashton Kutcher, so you can stay informed on “I Pledge” progress.

We’ve not noticed any recent uptick in freed slaves yet, and the only results so far of the Merkin’s pledge to represent his country with “pride, dignity and honesty” has been his threat to kill his neighbor.

Cameron Diaz’s pledge, “I’m gonna give ‘em a smile” (referring to a stranger) almost came to pass, but while attempting to do so, she became confused and walked into a pole.

We’re happy to report the stranger got away.

Gina Gershon has made no progress in stem cell research so far. She attributes that to being preoccupied with fighting rumors she was doing Bill Clinton, alternating with actually doing Bill Clinton.

Anyway, that's what we heard. More timely results to follow.

WE Pledge...Not To Say We Told You So: Pledge To "The One" Expires After Almost Two Weeks

Maybe The Presidential Pledge video should have come with a "Use By" date.

From Andrew Breitbart at Big Hollywood:

The smiling and community service-mindedness ended Thursday morning on the affluent side of Beverly Hills. According to TMZ, “Kutcher went absolutely insane when he was woken up by a neighbor who started construction on a house at 7:30 in the morning.”

Wearing his morning fedora, Kutcher chose to videotape and chronicle the inconvenience online.

Among Kutcher’s early morning Twitter offerings:

“this SOB owl feces cougar placenta jack bone dick!”

“Jack ass 7am building a goddamn fort next to my house f’in up my view and noise polluting the entire f’in neighborhood with pounding steal”

“holy moly I’m gonna lose it!”

“this ass clown has another thing coming!”

“I’m gonna kill my neighbor”

Since Demi Moore had to do extra diaper changes on Kutcher for the past few days, we imagine she's behind in her goal to free 5 million slaves in 5 years. We calculate she will need to free about 358 per day to stay on plan.

We'll be tracking it.

Macho Sauce Discovered The Prez Pledge!!!

I Pledge To Never Pledge To Pledge,...A Pledge

Hat Tip: Hot Air

Ann Althouse Agrees: Barack Obama Is A Cult Leader (And The Campaign Was A Political Cult)

"The entire plan to bring Obama into office depended on the glorification of the man, whose actual experience was so bizarrely limited that it took some nerve to claim to be ready. Magic was required. The cult grew up not as he held power and needed to respond to a crisis. The cult was the campaign to bring him into power. It depended on our projecting all sorts of hopes and dreams onto him, and he knew it. Inside, he may have felt embarrassed by the whole enterprise, but he'd figured out that it could work, and he was right. Now, I think this worked because he really is a solid, normal person who remained grounded in the middle of all this craziness. And I like to think that, now that he's President, with his steely nerve, his intelligence, and his groundedness, he'll do the job that must be done. The trickery is over."

-- Ann Althouse, saying what so many have previously denied (as TMR insisted it was so) in the Althouse.

"Go to 3:54: 'I pledge to be a servant to our president and all mankind.'"

-- David Bernstein, watching Hollywood's Presidential Pledge video, below, and saying "This is Just Creepy" (which a lot of people have said since The Obama Cult has revealed itself) on The Volokh Conspiracy.

Joseph Nigro: We Pledge,...

TMR pledges to look at this photograph and know, with awe struck amazement, there’s nothing going on inside that head.

Her pledge: “I’m gonna give them a smile.”

How generous.

TMR pledges to stop picturing you on Bill Clinton’s lap and try hard to see you as merely irrelevant instead of sleazy and arrogant. In exchange, you will continue your stem cell research.

TMR pledges to watch in earnest as you free one million slaves. Does this mean you’ll divorce and set free your man-boy/lapdog?

TMR pledges to resist any notion that you represent this country in any way. Now go run to mommy so she can punk you.

TMR pledges to never forgive you for holding out on humanity. All this time you could have cured Alzheimer’s and yet you wait until now.

TMR Pledges To Haunt These People

MySpace Celebrity and Katalyst present The Presidential Pledge


"If ever you doubted that Obamamania is fundamentally a religious movement, at least among nitwits like this, watch and note how few of their pledges are tied to Obama’s policy agenda. It’s mostly personal pap about smiling more and being a better parent, forms of self-improvement which, it seems, simply couldn’t be undertaken until the GOP was out of the White House."

-- Allah Pundit, barely scratching the surface of their cultism - just as everyone else seems to - which allows it to continue, adding their bad breath (and bad faith) to the Hot Air.