Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Not Well Red (But Extremely Well-Ridden)

Sigh. Does nothing ever change about NewAge - or NewAgers? Can't even one of them ever invent something useful? Will not one of them ever break the mold? Must they all be mental midgets?

To anyone wondering how Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, has found herself in this latest ugly episode, I'll let Tina Brown clue you in to the key issue - and, keep in mind, this is from someone who "always found her a sympathetic figure":

"Her naïveté is almost deranged, but what can you expect? Like her onetime sister-in-law Princess Diana—but without Di’s pedigree or trust fund—Fergie left school at 18 and was educated for nothing except horsey infidelity in the shires.

She had a weakness for health quacks and palm readers. One of her favorites in the Diana years was the Greek medium Madame Vasso in North London, who provided a blue plastic pyramid in which Fergie sat to be cleansed and healed.

She was always nuts."
Say it with me: yes she was. Just "like her onetime sister-in-law Princess Diana,..." But, I ask you, how many people do you think ever bothered to inform Fergie she's fruitloops?

You know, like, to her bug-eyed face?

Isn't that what friends are for?

Didn't anyone (her family, the equally-crazy Elton John, a psychic or seer, or someone else that would be willing to sit in a blue plastic pyramid with her) ever consider that - if they were ever straight-up with Fergie - the poor dumb slut probably wouldn't always be popping up in these situations?

As I'm sure you know (because I've said it a billion-and-one times) I have an extremely hard time feeling sympathy for NewAgers because - as Fergie's latest muck-up proves, again - NewAgers mostly hurt those around them.

Like, what must her daughters be thinking?

Wait - they're pretty thick, too - nevermind.

Well, maybe look at Prince Andrew, who first had to suffer Fergie's (typically NewAge) infidelity, which led to their (typically NewAge) divorce, and, ever since, he has had to defend his honor - and is now also hoping to keep his job - all because his delusionally dense and (typically NewAge) over-sexed goof of an ex-wife was always too (typically NewAge) greedy, too (typically NewAge) arrogant, and too (typically NewAge) stupid to be believed.

And - before anyone writes in, trying to whitewash her, as they did Diana - let's not take the spotlight off of the adulterous suck-my-toes side of "The Duchess":

Yessiree, that's just the sort of imagery that always melts the heart.

Sarah Ferguson, you poor, poor thing.

And now that I've allowed myself to see The Real Sarah Ferguson again - and just like with my own NewAge ex - I'm growing tired of putzing around with this loony bitch, so let's get this over with:

Like most NewAgers, Sarah Ferguson is nothing more than another in our very-very-long line of stupid, ugly, immature, immoral, idiotic, two-bit celebrity whores, seemingly "educated for nothing except horsey infidelity in the shires."

Which, needless to say, she's already accomplished.

What's different about Fergie is - we now know for sure - like most NewAgers, she's living a little bit lower, and cums a little bit cheaper, than all the rest combined.