Welcome To The First Annual White-People-Pile-On-Blacks-For-Fun Olympics

 

 Glenn Reynolds, the French, and now Megan McCain agree - it was niggers. 

I'm not even sure what the crime is. 

Not like THAT'S ever mattered, Mr. Kafka.

 

White Supremacy's Now Over (Thanks To The Internet)

Not "Thanks to Obama," but the internet,...

Paul Mooney's Comedy: From Slavery's Perspective On

Look at the audience: there are blacks from every walk of life, who understand the brutality of America, and don't - or can't - shy away from it. This is stand-up for witnesses.

"It ain't me. This shit was here when I came here. And it'll be here when - I could drop dead right now - racism's are here. It's here forever. It's in the blood. Because white folks owned us and they'll never get over it. Because I'm going to tell you why: I read the white book - "Getting Away" wasn't a chapter,…They ain't been happy since."

American history, and it's stereotypes, are his guide:

He takes no prisoners - expects no quarter - and we love him for it.

Jerry Seinfeld On Race (Another Show About Nothing)

This is why Richard Pryor is the world's greatest stand-up - and not Jerry Sienfeld. 

This is why everyone alive can recite at least part of Chris Rock's "Black People Vs. Niggas" routine, but can't name a single Jerry Sienfeld bit. 

It's why most blacks have never watched a single episode of Seinfeld. 

It's why black people on Seinfeld almost always met a bad fate. 

And, of course, George Carlin was a comedic simpleton for observing, when white guys hang out with blacks, they also start acting like them - but not the other way around. 

Oh, and don't forget how pissed off the notoriously racist Paul Mooney got after he hired a lot of now-famous great white comedians for work with Richard Pryor but - because of attitudes like Jerry Seinfeld's - they made Mooney fend for himself when he went solo. 

All of it, stupid, pointless, and unimportant to comedy. 

Just like Jerry Seinfeld.

Black People Can't Get Jobs (Whites Can Get Anything)

"The White Man Is So Bold He Will Crawl Inside A Can Of Beans" - Paul Mooney

Did The Idiot Nazis Worship A Black Man - By Mistake?

I am certainly starting to understand why whites go balls-to-the-wall ballistic over anyone fascinated with history:

“One of the homes in which Beethoven resided in Vienna, Austria, the music capitol of European Music at that time, was called the “Schwarzspanierhaus,” the “House of the Black Spaniard.” In a PBS presentation about Beethoven, the host and narrator, Russian Actor Peter Ustinov, said that Beethoven would become angry when people called him “inferior.” Clearly, he must have been an exotic and at times disparaged presence in Germany and Austria.

Which would've been "white-washed" as they say.

As Paul Mooney said, white people like looking at their family tree, but just looking at it, because - if they shake it:

"A nigger falls out,…"

Suck Up Skills (Or How Blacks Make Whites Better)

It was, Mooney says, the easiest bit he ever wrote. All he had done was spell out what had been going on beneath the surface of his “job interview” with Lorne Michaels and the NBC execs.

Just as Michaels had hoped, Richard’s appearance lifted “Saturday Night” out of the programming ghetto and established it as a cultural phenomenon. Two weeks later, Chevy Chase made the cover of New York magazine, which dubbed him “the funniest man in America” and quoted an unnamed network executive championing him as “the first real potential successor to Johnny Carson,” and predicting he’d be guest-hosting Tonight within six months.

Carson, understandably, offered a less-than-glowing assessment of Chevy’s skills. “He couldn’t ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner.”

Paul Mooney (Richard Pryor's Writer): Whites & Ghosts

The "Race" To The Bottom (Of The I.Q. Chart)

How come white people see things that other minorities don't see? White folks see all kinds of shit. U.F.O.s, monsters - the Loch Ness Monster, Abominable Snowman, Bigfoot, Squaretoe, Little Pussy - you see all kinds of shit! I want one nigga to see one monster and be on the 6 o' clock news:

"I saw it. I saw the monster! I saw the 'Cornbread Monster'! He had great big ol' Black Eyed Pea eyes! Greens and shit hanging out his back!"

Let us see some shit just once!

And don't mention U.F.O.s, you guys - the white people are shaking their heads, but you know that's the damn truth - you guys see U.F.O.s in your goddamn sleep! And you know everybody relates to it, because white people always talking that shit - you so damn dramatic with the shit - you'll cry at the drop of a hat:

"(Crying) "Oh, you have to believe us,..you have to believe us! We were vacationing,...we were in the desert,...we saw something hovering,...we saw bright lights, we heard noises - shhh!"

Now when niggas see the shit you cross-examine them:

"You have to believe us,..we were in the desert,..."

"What were you niggers doing in the desert?"

"We were vacationing,..."

"Vacationing? You don't have jobs, how could you be vacationing?"

"We saw something hovering,..."

"It's those big, wide, nigga hats you wear."

"We saw bright lights,..."

"Highway Patrol!!! Get these niggas out of my office! Bring in some more truthful white people!"

{White people) "The aliens took us, they fucked us, they took us, they fucked us,..."

See, let some nigga aliens pick up some white folks they won't even talk about it:

""You were missing for three days!"

"I don't want to talk about, I don't want to talk about it,.."

Let's have that on the cover of the Enquirer: "Nigga Aliens Take White Family Away For Two Weeks - They Brought Them Back Beat Up!"

(White family) "They took us and they brought us back beat up! Those niggers beat us!"

We just don't see the shit y'all see.

It's too funny to me.

-- Paul Mooney, comedian - Richard Pryor's writer and frequent guest on The Dave Chappelle Show - from his 1993 album, "Race", available as an .mp3 on The War Of The Words.

Black Is Beautiful (But Comedy Is Not Pretty)