NewAge Is (Finally) Getting Off The Ground

It's about time.

I was just mentioning, yesterday, that there aren't enough documentaries on NewAge. I've, also, covered a bunch of the subjects in this movie - Transcendental Meditation, the Maharishi's death, Yogic "Flying", the embarrassment in Germany as TM's crew of weirdoes got booed for spouting Nazi slogans - but I didn't ever think anyone was actually filming it all.

Well, somebody was, and the resulting movie is called David Wants To Fly - a title which is close enough to Werner Herzog's Little Deiter Wants To Fly that, like that film, it's sure to provide more-than-a-few chuckles amid some really surreal NewAge moments.

So, buckle-up meditators, and hop/fly on down to the local cineplex - these are your people, in all their twisted glory, revealed by someone who came to you for "help".

I'll be the black guy in the back of the joint, laughing my ass off at all you paid-up (and life-long) "searchers", only now discovering the truth:

"Gurus don't sell their knowledge, they share it."

[Click the tags, below, to know more about the lunacy of TM.]

NewAgers, Listen Up: It's Got Your Name On It

"In Zimbabwe, witchcraft is still common in rural areas.  Hardly a week passes without a local report or newspaper story on the practice.  For example, police recently cornered a man at the Mbare Mbare bus terminal, after they discovered a live cobra snake in his luggage.  He told officers the reptile was one of his witching tools.

About two weeks later, some women were discovered wandering naked in the early hours of the morning near Highfield. After being confronted by locals, they claimed they’d 'flown' from a rural location during one of several night time escapades. But they said something went wrong and the spell wore off, before they could return to their original location.



Four years ago, the government proclaimed that supernatural powers do exist. But it says it still prohibits the use of magic if it harms someone."

-- Cole Mallard, introducing the rest of us to the perfect home for NewAgers - homeopaths, yogic flyers, Reiki healers: all would be welcomed with open arms - leaving we who aren't insane as The Voice Of America.

Finally: A Movie Worthy Of A Cult Following, II

"A sprightly docu about finding your own artistic inspiration, 'David Wants to Fly' follows German writer-helmer David Sieveking on his road to enlightenment, a journey that involves David Lynch, various headquarters of the Transcendental Meditation (TM) movement and the icy source of the Ganges. Both tongue-in-cheek and seriously questioning (particularly as pertains to TM's financial empire), this entertaining, globe-trotting pic already has bigscreen release dates in co-production countries. It could take off for further niche theatrical play, maybe even Stateside, before making a landing at broadcasters.

Both star and narrator of his five-years-in-the-making project, Berlin-based Sieveking begins his tale as a recent film school grad wondering how to take the next step. When he learns that his idol, American helmer David Lynch, is toplining a conference on the source of creativity, he packs his bags for Fairfield, Iowa.

Fairfield is home to Maharishi U, one of many 'consciousness-based' education centers launched by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, founder of the TM movement. In the mattress-lined Golden Domes of Pure Knowledge, students (separated by gender) practice 'yogic flying.'

For those who don't know Lynch is an avid practitioner of TM, it may be a bit disconcerting to hear him hold forth on avoiding the 'suffocating rubber clown suit of negativity' and the joys of finding the tranquility within. He's even established a foundation to fund the study of TM in all public schools.

Back in Germany, Sieveking signs up for TM lessons. On the first day, he's required to bring some unusual items -- plus a check for E2,380.

While covering the Maharashi's funeral in India and a subsequent convening of his successors (the 'Maharajah' and 'Rajas') in the Netherlands, Sieveking witnesses a battle for power within the TM empire. He also spotlights some of the organization's questionable plans for world peace (for which they raise millions of dollars) including the fascist-sounding Invincible German and Bramasthan, where 10,000 pandits are supposed to be chanting 24/7.

However, it's when he begins talking to renegade former TMers who spill the beans about the Maharashi's multiple affairs and the way he bled followers for cash (e.g., raja training is available for $1 million), that emails start to fly and lawsuits are threatened."

-- Variety

Look, Ma, He's Flying!!! (For 1 Second)

And, man, is he going to have back problems for a long, long time,...

Obit: The Asshole Who Said He Wouldn't Die

He didn't bring "peace" either.

But he succeeded at getting billions in idiot hippie money; killing idiots (that actually might be a good thing, but still,...) causing billions of divorces; encouraging fascism; driving millions of people crazy; raping women; breaking up The Beatles; betraying billions of otherwise productive lives; causing harm to the United States and humanity world-wide; hurting legitimate business; lying repeatedly and teaching others to lie; specializing in quackery; trying to fool the Journal of American Medicine (with the help of that, so-called, "amazing thinker" Deepak Chopra - that one didn't work - and why doesn't anyone call DC on that?) breaking up billions of families; deceiving the innocent; convincing idiots they could "fly" by jumping on their asses; convincing idiots they could walk through walls; convincing idiots they could cure cancer and AIDS with meditation; convincing idiots they could stop wars by chanting; trying to take advantage of children, etc., etc., etc.,...

TMR is profoundly pleased Sexy Sadie, the man who "made a fool of everyone", is dead.