I'll Say It This One Time And One Time Only: Get Behind Me Satan (I'm Suffering Unrelenting Disappointment,...)

Carrying on in a slightly different vein than the last post, our totally debunked TV psychic, Derek Acorah, is still getting away with making unfounded declarations - which should be cause enough for each of us to bang our heads against something hard - while Elvis' daughter, Lisa Marie Presley, has finally removed all mention of Scientology from her official website, leaving The King's obese-karate-moves-in-a-jumpsuit period, his dying on the toilet, and Lisa Marie's "marriage" to Michael Jackson, as the only remaining indignities to his legacy.

Kidding!

I'm hoping Tony and Cherie Blair’s former "lifestyle guru," Carole Caplin, isn't lying when she says, "I started getting round-the-clock migraines. The pain was unbelievable and I couldn’t eat,…I couldn’t stop crying. I was disgusted with myself," because I've wanted her to suffer (along with her boyfriend, convicted con man Peter Foster) for many, many years now. Actually, I hope her inner trauma continues, and then, somehow, Tony and Cherie come down with the same symptoms, as it starts to spread and consume the entire NewAge Movement, striking them down like in the movie Contagion so, even if I'm not there, I will have already had the pleasure of watching Gwyneth Paltrow's face as she dies. Wait a minute, what am I saying? That's mean - I take it back:

Gwyneth Paltrow should die while using her own fucking colon cleanse. 

 But yes, still preferably in the presence of Matt Damon. 

Speaking of movies featuring cults and cultists, people are noticing they're a phenomena now, but without noticing the actions of cults and cultists in real life, which is weird. I'd recommend they read a book or two, but it hasn't helped Ann Althouse, so I'd be a fool to hold out much hope for anyone else. Ann's a lawyer and a professor, and (I used to think) they know everything.

 Oh well, the world is going to end in 2012 anyway, so what do I care?

Like John Edwards, I've got to get my affairs in order,...

He's BAAAaaaack!!!!

"Psychic Derek Acorah has slammed 'a despicable plot' to destroy his reputation as Britain’s most famous ghosthunter.

The showman admits his controversial exit from the Living show Most Haunted may have caused some to doubt his unique powers.



But now the dad of -two – and his trusty, invisible, 1,500-year-old Ethiopian spirit guide Sam – are back with a series of one-hour shows on digital channel Sky Real Lives in the New Year.



And he said: 'Friends in the world of spirit gave me great comfort.

'They said to me, ‘You will overcome all this and a new era will come. You will be like the phoenix that rises from the ashes. But stronger!’'



Derek, 58, is still furious at claims he was sacked from Most Haunted three years after being exposed as a fake by the show’s resident parapsychologist Ciaran O’Keeffe.



It was claimed O’Keeffe openly discussed a made-up South African ghost called Kreed Kafer with production crew in the hope word would reach Derek and he would later pretend to 'channel' the spirit. 



Derek came up with the name – an anagram of the words 'Derek Faker' – on a live show. But he claims he was merely sensing the negative energy of O’Keeffe’s earlier plotting.

And he says he wasn’t sacked but had already announced he was leaving.

He said: 'I’m sensitive. I pick these things up. I was picking up people talking and back-biting in the ether.



'I heard these despicable discussions between people and it was sickening me to my guts. When we were doing the investigation I was walking around the area and the words hit me – ‘Kreed Kafer, Kreed Kafer!’ And I said it out loud. 

'They set out to dishevel me with my new show.'



Since then Derek has shown off his talents at packed-out venues across the UK.



He admits there is a level of showmanship in what he does but he insists 'there is no falsehood going along with entertainment'.

And he will be using elements of his touring show in his new TV programme, which is called simply Derek Acorah.



He will be 'talking to dead people' and 'picking up vibrations' from their family heirlooms in a kind of psychic Antiques Roadshow."

-- Andy Lea, on how another "psychic" fraud got exposed, but (as always) not letting that little thing stop him from coming back as Star News.

Not A Ghost Of A Chance

"THE TV show that has spooked millions with its footage of hauntings and poltergeists is today exposed as a fake - by one its own stars.

Resident parapsychologist Dr Ciaran O'Keeffe has sensationally lifted the lid on the ghosthunting series, Most Haunted ... and claims that the public are being deceived by 'showmanship and dramatics.'

He accuses the show's medium Derek Acorah of hoodwinking viewers by pretending to communicate with spirits and obtaining information about locations prior to filming.

The Mirror has also obtained unedited footage which appears to show presenter Yvette Fielding and her husband faking 'paranormal' occurrences such as ghostly bumps and knocks.

Most Haunted has quickly achieved cult status since it was launched in 2002 and is LivingTV's most successful programme."

-- Matt Roper, stating the obvious, for The Mirror.