News You Can Use (Starting With The Jews)

This is NOT NewAge shit here - it's a renegade Jew:

"Humanity lived in darkness—until He came. In the beginning only a few rallied to his cause. It was too enigmatic to arouse much popular support, and political opposition forced its champions underground. But a coterie of apostles resolved to spread a simplified version of his good news against stiff-necked enemies who often made martyrs of them. Then something remarkable happened. Thanks to a collection of gospels about his morality, the zealous devotion of followers and, of course, the obvious truth of his good news, his call for emancipation spread far beyond his native land and eventually set the world on fire.

This is how Jonathan Israel describes the message, and preaches the story, of a renegade Jew—the philosopher Benedict Spinoza. The creed Spinoza defended was the Enlightenment, with its devotion to reason, not faith, and its vision of secular liberation leading to the establishment of a society based on the collective good rather than the authority of kings and the tradition of priests. Yes, it's true that several centuries on, the Enlightenment has not yet succeeded in either breaking the shackles of outworn creeds or lifting the yoke of scandalous oppression across the globe. But this is no reason to surrender. More preaching of the gospel of Enlightenment is all that's required."

Alright, since everybody wants to do stupid shit, no matter what I say, I done got the message that y'all also must not want me to be the last holdout, so fuck it - let's get racial:

I do not play well with others.

White people pretend they your friend, or else they pretending the shit don't matter, which - if either one of those was true - they wouldn't be pretending. Then you got those fools for whom the shit really don't matter, but they going to go out they way to show you it don't - they think they mastered some kind of skill - so they hit you with some Master of the Universe shit, just expecting you to follow them around like a slave. It's bullshit.

Take it from me:

There's way more to this shit than just trying to make friends. White people are a god damn obstacle course.

Richard Pryor said white girls suck your dick real fast.

Brothers was listening.

Speaking of listening:

Tea Partiers, "Man's Best Friend" is Ice Cube's Second Amendment anthem from 1991; all the PC types attacked Death Certificate - a deeply conservative concept album (as all of Ice Cube's early solo albums were) DC was the last of the great ones - and it was declared a racist travesty that overshot the bounds of decency. Real Heads call it a Masterpiece, both for the carefully constructed, sample-based music and Ice Cube's attention to detail lyrically.

My God Mother was Ice Cube's art teacher, and she just told me she still has 40 original Michael Jackson albums from the '70's, that she's holding for me, all still in the plastic. Pretty cool, huh? This is cool, too - "Man's Best Friend" - Ladies and Gentlemen, Ice Cube:

Here's another topic I'm addressin
so learn a quick lesson, about your Smith and Wesson
Sit your ass back and comprehend
as I let you know about man's best friend
Now remember: it used to be a dog like Lassie
but now in ninety-one it's a gun if you asked me
Just like a jimmy hat's used for protection
I use my nine when suckers start to flexin
Cause if you run up and try to play mine
I'd rather have a AK than a fuckin canine
Cause if you shot your gun, and my dog tried to fetch her
me and the dog's goin out on a stretcher
And I ain't with that, so I gotta get that
big black gat, aim and I hit that
Forget about a dog fool, he'll shit in the den
Nowadays.. a gat is man's best friend

Here is the reason why Ice Cube pack
Just in case the little punks try to jack
I can't put a motherfuckin pitbull
under a coat, in the small of my back
So I gotta take my beretta, and I betcha
it'll probably work, a 100 percent better
Cause it'll keep me out of danger
with sixteen in the clip and one in the chamber
So this goes to all y'all intruders
Beware of the owner, cause the owner is a shooter
I don't just wanna give your ass rabies
I'd rather have your ass pushing up daisies
And I can't do that with Benji,
Rin Tin Tin, or Spuds McKenzie
Forget about a dog fool, he'll shit in the den
Nowadays, a gat is man's best friend

Just don't let me see you shoot no dogs!

Yes, being white is something you can learn, but it's better to be normal.

All white people should go to Stuff White People Like, find any part that pertains to them, and then stop that shit:

I know there's a human being in there somewhere.

White people trying to show they ain't racist is annoying.

O.K., this ain't racial, but FYI:

The Discovery Channel's Stupidity, Bill Maher's Religulous, and The Onion Movie are all available through Google Video.

You're welcome.

My band, Little White Radio, wasn't named Little White Radio because all but one of the members was black. It was named Little White Radio because that's what I glanced at when I was trying to come up with a name for the band.

Stupid niggers.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
On Topic: In the News - Race in America
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Yea, I said it. Pass it on.

Homeopaths Are Crazy (All Of You Are, Really)

If this doesn't convince you, nothing will. Certain people will use blacks for any purpose they see fit. That's what blacks are here for, right? To make conservatives feel moral, or to make liberals feel even more moral, and to "keep" blacks as pawns, or a prize, to be fought over - for someone else's attainment of the (white) high-ground - in the eyes of other whites, of course, not mine. (What are all 13% of blacks going to do? Stop the whole 80% of you? When you're feeling so good about,...um,...yourself?) NewAge losers. It's like watching a "stuff white people like" episode, taken to extremes.

I got that video from Orac's site, where he's not only upset that this bit of foolery wasn't directed at him - instead of just being upset that this idiot's using me and mine as homeopathic props - but he's also made the contemporary leap to being upset (on my behalf, of course) over the word "nigger" being used, when he knows these idiot homeopaths kill people. I ask you, which is worse: some dumbshit lamely using a "bad word" - or that dumbshit killing your mother? (Nigger doesn't hurt me - "sticks and stones" - but murder does, so I ask you, regarding this mindset to zero-in on the "n-word": has the entire western world become five years old? You know, old enough to recognize a "bad word" but not old enough to comprehend the meaning, and impact, of death?) Here: ask the kid below, because - based on the photo evidence - she looks like she might be more mature than most,...and that includes most adults:

As far as the rest of what this dumbshit homeopath is saying - while both of his wind machines (the real one and his mouth) blow - skeptics are "clinging" to our false doctirine, like Obama's subjects in fly-over country are supposed to be "clinging" to religion? Pure insanity. You're almost all crazy now, if you ask me. You - yea, you, the reader - voted for Obama, probably (because he's black and nothing more) so I almost have to excuse this water salesman for thinking a re-working of our NewAge president's tired bullshit just might have an influence on certain audiences again.

But something's gotta give, y'all. It just can't keep going like this. I, for one, ain't your plaything. And you've clearly fell down Alice's rabbit hole to think otherwise.

And our history - American history - also deserves better as well. The Civil War was fought so we could finally end this shit. MLK died for the same reason - not to keep it going - simply because, based on your Avatar-like acceptance of a lame-brained liberal NewAge outlook, it just feels so good.

Cloud Cult: Hate The Band - Like The Song

This is "Lucky Today" by those eco-friendly Esurance ding-dongs called Cloud Cult - which makes sense if you read this blog: like any Stuff White People Like cultist, this bozo's singing about how one thing is going wrong after another, but he still feels "lucky" - pretty much the same philosophy fed to the starving kids of Bangladesh - yeehaw!

Anywhoo, we heard a few of their songs and Cloud Cult sucks - except for this one tune - so, since they're on a TV commercial, they have "cult" in their name (and, being environmentalists, we don't doubt them) and this one track is bouncy in a poppish Violent Femmes-y kinda way, we'll stretch their 15 minutes out one-second-longer, and mention their sorry asses here, just because we've been AWOL on the music component of the site for some time now: Made it too hard to load a page, y'know?

But Fuck (Butt Fuck?): We don't know what we would've done if these yuppie idiots had been good!!!

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise! (They're Gomers)

"It amazed me when I looked around and saw the reaction of all these people who considered themselves open-minded… They all thought the exact same way and I wanted to tell them 'you’re not open-minded, you’re progressive and there’s a difference'. The same people would assume that every single conservative point of view was wrong and evil. I’m not a conservative by any means, but I see value in discourse and actually listening to the other side, whether they’re wrong or right. But they wouldn’t listen at all. They were as intolerant as the people they hated.

That contradiction just really irritated me, and it really stuck with me and I guess inspired some of the anger that comes out in my blog and book."

-- Christian Lander, on "people who are doing things that appear to be beneficial to the world but are essentially just being used as status symbols" and why he created "Stuff White People Like" (he noticed the Left's hypocrisy after Ann Coulter visited his college) on Spiked!



And - hey! - does this sound familiar?:

"...Behind their often conceited struggle for uniqueness there is, paradoxically, a desire to conform. These two desires are not easily united, and the impossible pursuit of being an individual while at the same time fitting in leads to a particularly angsty, narcissistic, snobby, duplicitous and guilt-ridden personality type."

Oh yea: that's my cultish NewAgers!!!

Anything But Growing Up, Getting Real, And Treating Non-Believers Like They Have More Sense Than Your Selfish Dumb Meditating Ass

"Doing yoga, getting divorced, going to therapy."

-- Christian Lander, author and founder of "Stuff White People Like", on what white people like, for Salon.com

The article states:

"[Stuff White People Like] gently mocks the habits and pretensions of urbane, educated, left-leaning whites, skewering their passion for Barack Obama and public transportation (as long as it's not a bus), their idle threats to move to Canada, and joy in playing children's games as adults."

Here are a few further spot-on observations on the lunacy of "left-wing, upper-middle-class" - and cultish - white people:

[Bottled water is] all about ranking. It's essentially a contest.

[Environmentalism] is another way to claim superiority over regular-level, or subpar, white people.

[Apple, Ikea and Target are] one of the great contradictions of white people. For the most part, all the world's ills are based on large, evil corporations -- government corruption, American expansion through the use of corporate contracts, pollution, globalization, every bad thing that's happened. But if it happens with nice design, it's acceptable.

[If you point out you can see through their bullshit] you're going to really annoy white people. They do not need to be reminded. It's like with the Prius. It's not a good idea to remind Prius owners that the car still burns gasoline. That really pisses them off.

White people have the constant and unabiding need to feel as though they're helping, and because this gives them the ability to hold it over other people.

The whitest celebrities are Alec Baldwin, Susan Sarandon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Rosie O'Donnell.

The whitest movies are "The Royal Tenenbaums," "Garden State," "Donnie Darko," and "Fight Club." The problem is that whatever is liked by white people, advanced-level white people have to hate it, because it was popular. The advanced levels have to have some sort of French film in there from Godard. Some people need a Japanese film that hasn't been translated yet. You'll get some white people who are like, "I only watch silent film." It's difficult.

Food is another important area of competition, and being able to show up other white people. Some white people get their status based on how much they know about food, like expensive ingredients or foreign cuisine. Whereas other white people gain their status based on how many things they've cut out of what they eat, like gluten and sugar and refined things and dairy and meat, trying to reduce as much as possible.

But universally, throughout, shopping at Whole Foods is considered the best way to go - and organic "isn't even a question."

During the week for working white people, the expensive sandwich lunch is essential. Anywhere you will find a predominance of white businesses, such as advertising agencies, nonprofit organizations, hedge funds, there will undoubtedly be a store nearby that sells sandwiches that cost between $8 and $12.

Outdoors is just where white people want to be. From the time white people are raised, they're taught that being indoors is a bad thing, and that it's always better to be outside. So they're always on this constant quest to be camping or bicycling or eating outside, whatever it takes to get outside. The more time you spend outside the more credibility you have to dump on other people for not going outside.

Even if you're not outside, you might be wearing what you call outdoor performance clothes. White people need to know that if someone calls them up, and says: "You want to go camping?" they're ready at the drop of a hat. Bam, out they go. You could be in the Ikea, just leave the cart in one of the aisles, head up to some campsite.

White people love David Sedaris, because he's funny, and he lives in France, and he's gay. He's like everything you could possibly want in the ideal friend. Oh, he also writes for the New Yorker. He hits so many things on the list it's unbelievable.

There is such a strong belief among this type of people that you're right, of being unwilling to listen to anything else, and I think that's one of the things I'm trying to point out.

Shout out to David Levy for this one.