Hey Wait - You’ve Always Been That Way!!!

"Turn off that Wi-Fi network — it's disturbing our chakras.

That's what many residents of Glastonbury, a lovely medieval town turned New Age hub in southwestern England, are demanding the local government do.

Ever since the town's free municipal wireless broadband network went online in May, people have been complaining of, as an online petition puts it, 'headaches, dizziness, nausea, severe tiredness, brain fog, disorientation and loss of appetite, loss of balance, inability to concentrate, loss of creativity' — all ailments an examining physician would find it difficult to prove or disprove."

O.K. - stop - it’s kind of hard to accept that list of symptoms, as it fairly describes NewAgers anyway. Let's just get to the fun part:

"One man has,...begun making orgone generators, which use crystals, semi-precious stones and gold to purportedly put out positive energy to combat the negative vibes flooding the town from the Wi-Fi base stations.

'I have given a number of generators to shops in the High Street and hidden others in bushes in the immediate vicinity of the antennae. That way you can bring back the balance,' Matt Todd told the Telegraph. 'The science hasn't really got into the mainstream because the government won't make decisions which will affect big business, even if it concerns everyone's health.'"

It’s almost like, wow, he could read my mind. I was wondering why NewAge "science" hasn’t really gotten into the mainstream,....

But we now have the chance to perform a blind test of the hippie complaints - check it out:

One day, without telling them, turn it off. See if that clears their beady little heads.

Supposedly they don’t use it anyway, so they shouldn’t know, right?

If they do know, they’re hypocrite cheating bastards and should be chained to the Wi-Fi antennae for 48 hours, with “Muskrat Love” blaring at them from hidden speakers.

"'Pulsed microwaves feed the pineal gland with false information,' local Jacqui Roberts tells the Western Daily Press."

That must be "karma," Jacqui, because my pineal gland has been throwing off sparks ever since I first encountered NewAge.

-- Joseph Nigor, treating these poor, suffering NewAge cultists like they were animals, right along with me and FOX News.