Saturday, March 5, 2011

Only A Matter Of Time (Which You Gave Them)



The Houston Press' TV reviewer caught it (like a virus) even if no one else did:
I thought I imagined it at first, or was suffering the onset of hallucinations brought upon by sleep deprivation, strong drink, and three consecutive nights of watching Steven Tyler undress the audience with his eyes. But for maybe the first time since Season 10 of Idol began, I actually rewound my DVR to rewatch something.

It starts out ambiguously enough that you know something hinky is afoot, then moves into uncomfortably quasi-spiritual territory before flashing the "S"-word. And why am I talking about it so much? Because it was one of the few mildly surprising moments of an otherwise utterly predictable evening.

I included the clip,...because I imagine a few of last night's failed contestants - and not a few of you "suppressive persons" - might need some auditing in the near future.
"One of the few mildly surprising moments of an otherwise utterly predictable evening." Ha! - See what happens, Mr. & Mrs. Conformity-As-Entertainment, when they don't think they can get Charlie Sheen?

They start coming after YOU!

Because you've proven - with your lack of independence, Gawd-awful taste in entertainment, overall low standards, and tumble weed-infested lack of imagination - you're prime-cut cult material! You'll go for ANYTHING! (As long as it blinks and promises to be uplifting at the end, you're recruitable.)

Not only that, but you're too dumb to be insulted by their backhanded flattery (oh yeah, they want you, because you're fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked UP!) and, of course, you won't cause a fuss or a scene. You're not going to stop watching American Idol over some little ol' commercial, are you? Of course not, not you. Us, maybe (well, we never watch American Idol to begin with) but not YOU. Your brain's already turned to fucking mush. There's tons of commercials on T.V., right? What's one more?

Now turn over all of your money and let them fix you:

And then get in line to scream at Charlie Sheen,...