Most of us have experienced the pain of heartbreak at some point in our lives. Even when it's not a tragic breakup that leads to full-on heartbreak, the slightest rejection can still leave us feeling let down, in pain, and depressed. As of this week, science can help us feel a little more justified and a little less crazy for feeling this way.Really? But I thought - as so many have told me - adultery, and break-ups, and divorce were all "private affairs" and no big deal? Here, let me recount this episode from my own divorce:
In Tuesday's edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, a new study has found that the regions of the brain that respond to physical pain overlap with those that react to social rejection — in other words, feelings of rejection "hurt" just like actual physical pain.
"You What!?!"Along with that opening salvo, I ended up bruising a disc in my neck from screaming in my sleep - that required months of medical intervention during the divorce proceedings - on top of everything else that was going on. This is why I'm so down on "no fault" divorce, and the entire outlook that most people have towards rejection today:
Stunned, I ran over to where Karine was sitting, and looked right into her eyes.
"You've been fucking another guy?"
"Yes", she said defiantly, "I did it."
"I did it." Like committing adultery was something I'd kept her from all those years. She had come off a relationship with a married man when I first met her, and now, she had come full-circle: Cheating was what she liked to do - cheating on me, the married man's wife and kids, the people she claimed to "heal" with Reiki - everybody: Her only sense of personal power came from the use of sex, and the lies she could spin over others.
These mounting issues proved way too much and something finally gave out. I crumpled to the ground, crying like a baby at Karine's feet. My nervous system started to overload, roiling over me in fits, forcing me into a ball that I could only try to force myself out of. I was holding my stomach. I was screaming. The sounds were inhuman.
They treat a serious problem as though it's no big thing - something everyone should be able to easily "move on" from - or a feminist issue, when, if you ask me, feminism (as it's now conceived) is a major part of the problem. Mine is not a war against women (obviously) but against NewAge and out-of-control feminism.
Anyway, I don't want to get all worked up by reliving this, but I think society has unleashed a bunch of huge, and obvious, wrongs against itself, and - whether you're looking at a spouse, acting out against his/her mate, or whatever - such tragedies are being encouraged because the rest of you have simply got it all wrong.