Sorry About The Shake-Down (I Meant To Shake You Up)

So, it's March 1st, and I'm still black - but racism's been over! 

So say my fellow Republicans. 

Yes, my political party admitted to "some problems with race" (which was very big of them) but - by Black History Month - they've also determined their problems weren't nearly as large as blacks'.

Because black's problems are, entirely, of black's own making.

So - out of concern - Republicans have decided to address those first. 

For instance, I've been told to accept that I was a pretty happy-go-lucky anti-cult activist when Republicans first met me online (!) but then I just (sensitivity euphemism) "fell on hard times" and started whining about race, because that's what they saw.

Trayvon had nothing to do with it, since - through their lie-detecting computer screens - Republicans could determine my story so much better than I could tell it, I shouldn't even have bothered to do so. 

They weren't having it, and Republicans say who the haves and have nots are, so I fell out of favor again - literally going "black". 

Of course now, as a "good Republican," I've accepted their reading of history without question (and with good cheer) but, as someone who loves history - and seeing how I apparently missed something as extraordinary as racism's end - I've still been compelled to know when, exactly, that occurred and why.

And I've found a few answers - want to see what I got, Truth Seekers?

"Racism ended when white people said it did obviously."

"Racism ended when Eminem won the rap battle in 8 Mile."

"Racism ended when white people started twerking."

"Racism ended when white folks acknowledged racism existed but felt victimized by the accusation."

"Racism ended when the iPhone came in both black and white."

"Racism ended when Mitt Romney got a black grandchild."

"Racism ended when white co-workers decided the best way to know me was to tell me about their favorite Hip-Hop albums."

"Racism ended when Justin Timberlake got cornrows."

Well alright then - Thank you, Everyone - and now, with that, we should all feel totally prepared to unite as one at CPAC,...