Not Really On The Same Page

The happy feet media predictably slanted reporting on Obama’s European trip by focusing on the rock star, huggie, feel good and fashion angles relentlessly.

So we thought we would look at some of the photo record and add comments.

For all the gushing about Michelle Obama, that we won’t repeat here, she looked just plain ol’ grumpy, along with Carla Bruni’s zombie impersonation.

This is not an admirer trying to look over the crowd…

…as you can see. Nobody wants to be the short guy in the class photo.

Michelle Obama offers high fives to a line of French spectators.

In a private moment, Bruni attempts to describe Mick Jagger’s penis to Michelle Obama.

“I may have messed up that kiss, but oh yes, she will be mine.”

And then the quick trip to Germany that brought this to mind:

“I Want A Man With Nuclear Power” – Carla Bruni (Or: You Know The President Of France? Yeah, Buddy - HE Certainly Married Well,...)

Has Carla Bruni turned shy? French First Lady's awkward moment as she leans in to kiss Barack Obama... then changes her mind.

Over the last few days Barack Obama has charmed the entire world.

And today it appeared his charisma overwhelmed the French First Lady.

It is usual in France to greet one another with a kiss - but the best Mr Obama could get out of a suddenly flustered Carla Bruni was a handshake.

-– The Daily Mail

Unusual for someone who would normally be in a men’s room stall sitting on the face of whatever guy she met in the prior thirty minutes. That unexpected impulse control probably pushed her to the edge of a nervous breakdown.

Important Safety Tip:

If you want to get married and have a nice life with your spouse, do not marry anyone who has said the things, especially in public, that Bruni has said:

“I’m monogamous from time to time, but I prefer polygamy and polyandry.”

“I am easily bored with monogamy."

"Love lasts a long time, but burning desire — two to three weeks.”

With condolences to Mr. Sarkozy, those quotes are a matter of record, in both word and deed, and completely trump these speculative claims:

"I can no longer seduce because I love my husband."

"I don't want to hurt him. I am no longer a man-eater."

Never, never believe your pet alligator if it says it’s giving up meat and going vegan.

“What would an angel say, the devil wants to know.”

Never mind.

Two Morons Tied For "Moron Of The Week"

Gems from the pus-filled pimple brains at the forefront of the culture – sometimes they just gotta spew to relieve the pressure:

Dita Von Teese. Stripper, "sex worker," idiot:

“It is a strange time. I just met the First Lady and the President of France and they wished they could come to my show but can’t while they have this job.

It’s such a shame, there was once a different time when stripping and burlesque wasn’t considered scandalous."

Apparently Dita must not know who the First Lady of France is. Too bad, as Dita might have gotten some serious advanced skank lessons for free.

And her longing for a different time is perplexing. Morality, modesty and responsibility have only deteriorated over time. It’s not even scandalous to bang your neighbor’s dog on the front lawn at high noon anymore.

Dita, the projector in your head is running backwards, so our advice is to invest in plastics, be one of the first shareholders of IBM, and watch out for World War II.

Always a strong contender, Paris Hilton, after spending 23 days in jail, claimed she would change her party ways and release a book she wrote in the slammer.

As it turns out, the book was super eco-friendly, as it used no ink whatsoever, which makes the paper easier to recycle. And since then she’s been photographed sucking face with just about anyone who has a face.

None of that stopped her from saying this:

"I’ve grown up a lot, I’ve been thru a lot this past year and really grown-up and become an adult," Paris added. "I was living like a teenager and living carelessly for a long time but I’ve realized I’m now running a huge corporation and empire."

Relax, Paris. Take a break from the empire and chill out, go on vacation, take a cruise and fall overboard. You’ve slept with everyone you could, now sleep with the fishes.

And a special thanks to all who continue to make the most monumentally stupid people on earth into celebrities.

She's Giving Us Her Word This Time (Ha-Ha)

"I can no longer seduce because I love my husband. I don't want to hurt him. I am no longer a man-eater."

-- Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, sending a signal the men of the world have been desperately waiting for - Nicolas Sarkozy's wife will, finally, allow us to live in peace - through the Telegraph.UK.

It's A Little Late For That, Deer Legs

"Her priority is to establish herself on the world stage as a first lady France can be proud of."

- An aide to Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, wife of the president of France, who is said to be furious the full-frontal nude photo, above, is being put to auction right before her first state visit with Queen Elizabeth

I guess - since I supported his candidacy - I should say I think Nicolas Sarkozy's marriage was a huge mistake, with the potential to undermine the promise his presidency held. It's really a damn shame: He should have focused on his country, rather than himself, but, being French, that was probably expecting too much. I, of all people, should've known:

Loving Americans can't make a French citizen smart enough to think like one.