Politicians Using Cultism: Weak On Words

"Sen. Hillary Clinton, who wants to run as the "change" candidate—because, well, because you can't so easily run as a status quo candidate—also wants to run as a stability-and-experience candidate. Hence the repeated alterations (or "changes") in her half-baked slogans. By the time the plagiarism row had been started by her very ill-advised advisers, she had run through: "Big Challenges, Real Solutions"; "Working for Change, Working for You"; "Ready for Change, Ready To Lead"; and "Solutions for America." Sen. Obama, meanwhile, had picked the slightly less banal and more cryptic mantra "Change We Can Believe In," which I call cryptic only because at least it makes one ask what it can conceivably be intended to mean.

It is cliché, not plagiarism, that is the problem with our stilted, room-temperature political discourse. It used to be that thinking people would say, with at least a shred of pride, that their own convictions would not shrink to fit on a label or on a bumper sticker. But now it seems that the more vapid and vacuous the logo, the more charm (or should that be "charisma"?) it exerts. Take "Yes We Can," for example. It's the sort of thing parents might chant encouragingly to a child slow on the potty-training uptake. As for "We Are the People We Have Been Waiting For" (in which case, one can only suppose that now that we have arrived, we can all go home), I didn't think much of it when Rep. Dennis Kucinich used it at an anti-war rally in 2004 ("We Are the People We Are Waiting For" being his version) or when Thomas Friedman came across it at an MIT student event last December. He wrote, by the way, that just hearing it gave him—well, you guess what it gave him. Hope? That's exactly right."

- Excepted from (my man, seen above) Christopher Hitchens' new piece on Slate.com

If Only All Cult Leaders Got This Treatment

Ask Tough Questions? Yes, They Can!

It took many months and the mockery of "Saturday Night Live" to make it happen, but the lumbering beast that is the press corps finally roused itself from its slumber Monday and greeted Barack Obama with a menacing growl.

The day before primaries in Ohio and Texas that could effectively seal the Democratic presidential nomination for him, a smiling Obama strode out to a news conference at a veterans facility here. But the grin was quickly replaced by the surprised look of a man bitten by his own dog.

Reporters from the Associated Press and Reuters went after him for his false denial that a campaign aide had held a secret meeting with Canadian officials over Obama's trade policy. A trio of Chicago reporters pummeled him with questions about the corruption trial this week of a friend and supporter. The New York Post piled on with a question about him losing the Jewish vote.

Obama responded with the classic phrases of a politician in trouble. "That was the information that I had at the time. . . . Those charges are completely unrelated to me. . . . I have said that that was a mistake. . . . The fact pattern remains unchanged."

When those failed, Obama tried another approach. "We're running late," the candidate said, and then he disappeared behind a curtain.

Before he beat his hasty retreat, however, Obama found time to assign blame for the tough questions suddenly coming his way. "The Clinton campaign has been true to its word in employing a 'kitchen sink' strategy," he protested. "There are, what, three or four things a day?"

Spoken like a man who had just been hit on the head with a heavy piece of porcelain.

- Excepted from The Washington Post

Busted! Who's "The Devil", Now, Asshole?

"Colombia's military scored a major antiterror victory this weekend by killing the second in command of the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia and 16 other FARC guerrillas. Venezuelan President and FARC ally Hugo Chávez has reacted by threatening war against Bogotá. But the real news is that the raid produced a laptop computer belonging to the expired comandante that reveals some of Mr. Chávez's secrets.

According to Colombia's top police official, General Oscar Naranjo, the computer contains evidence supporting the claim that the FARC is working with Mr. Chávez. General Naranjo said Monday that Reyes's laptop records showed that Venezuela may have paid $300 million to the FARC in exchange for its recent release of six civilian hostages. Mr. Chávez had spun those releases as a triumph of his personal mediation.

General Naranjo said the laptop also contains documents showing that the FARC was seeking to buy 50 kilos of uranium, and the Colombian newspaper El Tiempo has reported that the records revealed the sale of 700 kilograms of cocaine valued at $1.5 million. The general added that the military found a thank-you note from Mr. Chávez to the FARC for some $150,000 that the rebels had sent him when he was in prison for his attempted coup d'etat in 1992."

- The Wall Street Journal

Gym Beauties - NOT!!! (There's Something That's Very-Wrong Going On In These Women's Minds)

This is disgusting.

Completely gross.

She looks sickly.

That bitch ain't even there.

- Photos taken from The Daily Mail

Fuck These Celebrities Giving Away Money To Africa: Charity Is Supposed To Begin At Home

Drew Barrymore just gave $1million to the World Food Programme, joining Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, and a whole gang of other rich people, who made most of their money off Americans. I've just got one question for these assholes:

Ain't America part of the world?

Let the government take care of Africa,...

It Always Works Out The Same: Disastrously

Hitler used an astrologer to try and win WWII.

Markos, of the very-Left-leaning Daily Kos, uses an astrologer to guide the Democrats.

Is there a connection?

I don't think so:

Unless you're trying to destroy a marriage, you can't make accurate conclusions using astrology.

Two Words: Frog Licking

"'Moses was high on hallucinogenic drug when he received Ten Commandments,' claims top academic"

Proof: Scientology Is Phat! - Part II (Lisa Marie Presley)

Yep, that's Elvis' daughter. Here's Part I featuring, former Jennie Craig spokeswoman, Kirstie Alley.

And BTW - I just want to make clear - I ain't got a problem with fat people (I love fat people) just Scientology: The jigg is up.

Air Conditioning

O.K. - I've had enough - you people are idiots:

California can't afford Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's Green policies.

I told you San Francisco can't afford Mayor (and proven scumbag) Gavin Newsom's Green policies.

That bitch at the L.A. Times is, still, on the Green warpath against ordinary citizens.

And that staunch environmentalist, Prince Charles, is ignoring his environmental impact to go for a ride on his yacht.

While John Coleman, the founder of The Weather Channel, says Global Warming is a hoax - which is being carried out with with the help of the media (in case you haven't noticed) - and he's suing Al Gore.

Now, who are you stupid bastards gonna believe?

And where are all those overflowing landfills?

Fizzlin' (Like Seltzer)

Fuck, you guys - I'm back*:

I was blown away by the recent news that Margaret B. Jones - I mean, scratch that, Margaret Seltzer - made up her South Central story (and her name too). So, I thought, I need something to let y'all know just how rough-and-tumble my old neighborhood is, 'cause, while that picture of the original Fatburger says a lot - and I loves that picture - it just doesn't pack the visceral punch I'm looking for.

Ah yes, the shooting death of a popular football player, with his life on the right track, by "random gunfire" - while his Moms is serving in Iraq - that should do the trick. (It always seems to, no matter how many times you hear it.)

Cry, bitches: I'm sure they believed in God,...

*Y'all really should donate to this site, 'cause Hillary and Obama get people to donate "millions" to them, while I'm running from something - not for it: It's just more honest,...and y'all like honesty, don't cha?

My Religion Is Music

Agent Orange: "Bloodstains"



Elvis Presley: "Hound Dog"



Jackie Wilson: "Lonely Teardrops"



Devo: "Satisfaction"



Aphex Twin: "Rubber Johnny"



Aphex Twin: "Windowlicker"



Los Lobos: "Kiko & The Lavender Moon"



DJ Icey: "Rain"



Cee-Lo Green: "Closet Freak"



The White Stripes: "Black Math"



Fantastic Plastic Machine: "Theme Of Luxury"

George Carlin: Saving The Planet Is Bullshit

We Knew It 137 Years Ago (Why Not Today?)

"Some of you will probably be more or less troubled by that parody of medieval theology which finds its dogma in the doctrine of homeopathy, its miracle of transubstantiation in the mystery of its dilutions, its church in the people who have mistaken their century, and its priests in those who have mistaken their calling."

- Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes (above) during his valedictory address delivered to the Graduating Class of the Bellevue Hospital College, March 2, 1871.