There’s No Way This Wasn’t Posed

There have been far too many photos like this for it to be photographer’s luck.

Wanna be a hero? Follow these instructions:

First, whack someone in the back of the head.

Next, while they’re still seeing stars, run around to the front.

When they come to, convince them you’re the only one who can save them from being attacked from the rear.

Congratulations, you’re presidential material.

Bailout? How About A Swift Kick To The Groin Instead

Truth is, these are desperate economic times In Hollywood right now, as anyone who saw the Academy Awards Sunday night can tell you. Sure, we put up a good front - the show must go on, after all - but the signs of belt-tightening and corner-cutting in The Industry are everywhere.

One look at the starving, emaciated bodies of the Best Supporting Actress nominees on TV last night told the story. No wonder Penelope Cruz almost fainted on stage during her acceptance speech. Even our Best Picture winners are being outsourced to India now. And you know times are bad when a big star like Mickey Rourke is forced to buy his clothes in thrift shops and second-hand stores…

… Just last week Brad and Angelina had to let two of their kids go…

Even the highest levels of the entertainment industry have been affected by this crisis. Some studio heads are reportedly down to their last mile or so of beachfront property. There are unconfirmed reports that at Barbra Streisand’s last $50,000 a head Democratic fundraiser some guests were offered non-imported vodka. And industry big shots who once dined on steak and lobster have been reduced to eating raw fish wrapped in seaweed. No, you’re not seeing things– I said raw fish and seaweed!

Ned Rice – Big Hollywood

Let’s say Susan Sarandon is making a movie. She’ll show up on the set or location, probably late, and sit on her lard ass while others do her hair, make-up and clothes and she idles away dreaming up new ways to hate her country.

Meanwhile, a stand-in is working with the crew for lighting and sound checks.

When she’s done being reconstructed, she’ll wander over to the catering table while her personal assistant deflects her phone calls.

Then the big moment; the director summons her, she stands where the stand-in used to be, spouts three or four lines written by someone else and wanders back to the catering table, her three brain cells tightly focused on herself.

Repeat this, on and off, for maybe three months, and after the rest of the crew does the real work of putting the movie together (for a fraction of the pay), you people shovel money at her. Now, because of her underdeveloped mind, she feels entitled, and views you and your country with even more contempt.

And there’s a whole list of names you can substitute for Sarandon.

So while you’re mad at your mortgage company for ripping you off, you at least have a house to show for it. Remember that while you’re gleefully raining money down on a dirt bag celebrity who only jacked you off for ninety minutes.

Get a freakin’ clue people.

The Macho Response: Butterfly McQueen

"As my ancestors are free from slavery, I am free from the slavery of religion."

-- Butterfly McQueen, the black actress from "Gone With The Wind," in a series of Madison, Wisconsin bus posters advocating for atheism, in The Badger Herald.

Pictures Are Worth A Thousand Words

The Unions

The President

The Products Of NewAge: Two Idiots - Stupid Enough To Need The Admiration Of People They Don't Know (For Things They Haven't Done)

"Aside from both having blonde hair and lower-than-average IQ levels, there seems little to link the queen of reality TV with the self-styled queen of people’s hearts."

-- Brendan O’Neill, trying to nail down everything the cancer-stricken Jade Goody ("a chav, a racist and even a pig" and "gobby self-promoter from a broken home") and the NewAge Princess Diana ("a privileged socialite self-promoter" and "hybrid monster of therapy, religion and ‘damaged this and damaged that'") have in common - as the NewAge media insists there's a definite relationship - on Spiked!.

Barney Frank Dupes Himself

According to TMZ, Barney Frank has demanded Northern Trust (the bank that had the big party and spent a few million on it from TARP funds) return an amount equivalent to the amount the bank “frittered away on these lavish events” to the federal government.

It seems pretty obvious the returned money will also come from the TARP proceeds. In other words, Northern Trust will pay the feds back with the feds own money.

It sure feels good to have Barney watching our back, doesn't it?

Gavin Newsom: A Weasel Is As A Weasel Does

This week, the City Insider spotted an almost empty case of bottled water in the back of Mayor Gavin Newsom's hybrid sport utility vehicle as it was parked in front of City Hall. At least one full bottle of Crystal Geyser Alpine Spring Water remained under the plastic covering.

This from the mayor who in June 2007 issued an executive order directing city government to no longer purchase bottled water, saying the containers clog landfills while the city owns a pristine reservoir in the Sierra Nevada that produces some of the country's best-rated tap water.

Newsom, a former restaurateur, last year called on the restaurant industry to stop selling bottled water to customers and start serving local tap water instead.

Because of that, the mayor generally declines bottled water at any event or meeting, lest he be photographed with an offending bottle.

The mayor occassionally slips, said his spokesman, Nathan Ballard. But in this case, the bottled water belonged to the mayor's security detail and wasn't purchased with city funds, Ballard said.

"The mayor will be the first to admit that he occassionally indulges in bottled water," Ballard said. "It's not something he's proud of."

Well, no one's perfect.

SFGate

Yea, it wasn’t his, he was just carrying it for a friend.

We suspect he uses bottled water so he doesn’t leave fingerprints behind after banging the city’s population of wives.

“Those Really Were The Droids You Were Looking For”

The moment of truth, when you realize you’ve been screwed over by NewAgers, cult beliefs, and the celebrity worshiping, brain damaging culture.

Don’t fight it.

Rock Lobster: Down! Down!! Down!!!

"After 30 days, the Gallup Poll shows Obama has about the same approval rating as did George H.W. Bush and his son, George W. Bush, the man whose eight years in office the Illinois senator so often denounced as destructive during the recent campaign."

-- Andrew Malcolm, watching the smoke dissipate - as the cult's mirror cracks - after one fucking month, in The Los Angeles Times.

"Pelosi and Reid called Bush's budgets 'dangerous' and 'unpatriotic,' but with Obama, they've changed their tune."

-- Byron York, standing the Democrat's ruthless "say anything for a win" hypocrisy and lies up, front and center, in The DC Examiner.

"I don’t look back on those things and regret them, but I’m willing to rethink them. And there are many things which I’m going to rethink."

-- Bill Ayers, the domestic terrorist - who helped Barack Obama's climb to power - admitting he's everything Sarah Palin said he was, on Don Surber.com.

"Here's what's going on dude: you're not actually allowed to take over buildings. Believe it or not.

(Also: 'We need to look at the situation, the hierarchy, the power relationship here.' Okay: you're surrounded by cops.)"

-- Hamilton Nolan, acknowledging a major tool of 60's protesters - and the delusions that go with them - have always been flat-out wrong, on Gawker.

"To be candid, the screwed-up, shared California mentality,...."

-- Victor Davis Hanson, on who and what's to blame - and, though he didn't say "NewAge cultism" (using "screwed-up" and "shared" instead) he might as well have - while writing for Pajamas Media.

Sheryl “Stinky Fingers” Crow Accepts Bailout Money

A bank that received $1.6 billion in bailout money just spent a fortune last week in L.A. hosting a series of lavish parties and concerts with famous singers ... and TMZ cameras caught it all.

Northern Trust flew hundreds of clients and employees to L.A. and put many of them up at some of the fanciest and priciest hotels in the city. We're told more than a hundred people were put up at the Beverly Wilshire in Bev Hills, and another hundred stayed at the Loews Santa Monica Beach Hotel. Still more stayed at the Ritz Carlton in Marina Del Rey and others at Casa Del Mar in Santa Monica.

Here are the highlights:

- Wednesday, Northern Trust hosted a fancy dinner at the Ritz followed by a performance by the group Chicago.

- Thursday, Northern Trust rented a private hangar at the Santa Monica Airport for dinner, followed by a performance by Earth, Wind & Fire.

- Saturday, Northern Trust had the entire House of Blues in West Hollywood shut down for its private party. We got the menu -- guests dined on seared salmon and petite Angus filet. Dinner was followed by a performance by none other than Sheryl Crow.

There was also a fabulous cocktail party at the Loews. And how's this for a nice touch -- female guests at the Chicago concert
all got trinkets from....TIFFANY AND CO.

As for what all that costs, well the company isn't talking. We spoke with a rep from the band Chicago who said Northern Trust
paid them around $100,000. A House of Blues source told us it cost more than $50,000 to close the joint down last Saturday night. As for Sheryl Crow's fee, her rep didn't get back to us. Earth, Wind & Fire acknowledges payment but won't say how much.

TMR hopes that at the very least, Sheryl gave public service demonstrations of the “one square of toilet paper” technique. It was, after all, taxpayer money.

Sketchy personal hygiene is no laughing matter.

It's All Made Up - Like A Bed - To Look "Good"

A brilliant, Crystal-worthy skit by Tina Fey and Steve Martin for the Best Original Screenplay gong, in which they riff about how every blank page starts with a dead tree, which, in turn, starts with a seed.

Martin: "And every tiny seed on earth was place here by the alien king Rondalay, to foster our titrates, and fuel our postive transfers."

Fey: "Ah, Steve, no-one wants to hear about our religion. That we made up."

A dig at Scientology in the Academy Awards? Brilliant.

Dustin Lance Black wins for Milk.

-- The Times Online

O.K., let's see if we can get all this "brilliance" in at once:

Steve Martin played Tina Fey's ruthless NewAge boss in "Baby Mama" (pictured above). They tell a joke about "the world's most dangerous cult" at The Academy Awards - which they did while announcing the "Best Screenplay" award for Milk - a screenplay that painted a politician as some kind of "gay saint" by studiously leaving out any mention of his long-and-ugly associations with Jim Jones and The People's Temple cult that killed 900 (mostly black) people from the San Francisco Bay Area - and, by the way, blacks are one of the groups gays are now mad at because they didn't vote for Prop. 8.

Yes, brilliance - another NewAge mind fuck of epic proportions - but, still, brilliant.

Considering all this, we sincerely don't know how NewAgers sleep at night, with so much blood on their hands.

Actually, we do, and it's not well.

PETA: People Encouraging Terrorist Acts

The Macho Response: Rupert Murdoch

"Many people will be under extreme pressure and many companies mortally wounded,...our competitors will be sorely tempted to take the easy beat, to reduce quality in the search for immediate dividends.

Let me be very clear about our company: where others might step back from their commitment to their viewers, their users, readers and customers – we will renew ours."

-- Rupert Murdoch, expecting more of the same from the "intuitive," short-sighted, and idiotic NewAgers that got us into this mess - and declaring he won't join them - in The Drudge Report.