Doing The Best He Can (With What Little He Has)

Wooooosssh. Somedays it seems impossible to read the papers because A) I can't imagine how ignorant reporters are about NewAgers B) I always know more about this crap than they do and, thus, have to add a lot of context (and subtext) on my own when I read their stories, and C) all of that pisses me off - I just want to be able to read a damn story again, feel like I'm the one being informed, and then go about my life - but nooooooo, I'm stuck reading between the lines and feeling the need to inform them on what they should already know to report. Case in point, the sudden disappearance of San Francisco's Mayor, Gavin Newsom:

"After three days of radio silence following his withdrawal from the governor's race, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom unexpectedly jetted off Tuesday morning to Hawaii to join his wife and baby daughter, who already were vacationing there.

His aloha comes as heads are still spinning over his abrupt withdrawal from the governor's race - although his pullout was less than a shock, with Newsom's poll numbers stagnating and his money drying up.

It was such a stressful time for the mayor that he huddled at City Hall in the final days of his campaign with someone,...described as a 'life coach',...No word if the mystery man accompanied Newsom to the islands. And no word on when Gavin plans to come back to town."

Simple enough, right? Wrong. See, Gavie-baby is a NewAger, and his place in Hana, Hawaii is at a NewAge "power spot", just like Sedona, Arizona, where the James Arthur Ray sweatlodge tragedy occurred. Oprah has a place there, too. Needless to say, I'd put money on it that Newsom's "life coach" is also a NewAger (Is there any other kind?) and is, indeed, in Hawaii as well. This is a "vulnerable time" for Gavin. That's how cults work. He can get away from us - but not from them.

Knowing his situation so well, I'm going to try and have some sympathy for Gavin. He must be tripping pretty hard right about now, because this whole San Francisco cult thing just hasn't been working out like it used to,...that is, providing a steady Democratic voting block for almost nothing in return. He has consistently been signaling his approval for San Francisco's NewAge cultism, for years, and doing it so hard that even cult expert Rick Ross sent him a warning letter. So hard that even the Scientologists showed up to give him a try.

He offered to close the streets so NewAgers could do yoga. He talked up Van Jones, and global warming, and tried instituting draconian environmental laws. He turned City Hall into an organic garden. The NewAge psychic who presided over Newsom's second marriage (which took place not too long after Newsom's obligatory affair with his campaign manager's wife) even said, publicly, that he'd get the Governor's job. How could she be so wrong? How could everything have gone so terribly, terribly wrong?

Surely, reporters don't know. The Law of Attraction, anyone?