The Haunting

At first, A-Rod thought it was just the Scientologists coming to recruit him – but why the recurring nightmares?

Then he realized…there was something very different about theses masks…

How To Jerk Yourself Off While Being Globally Warmed

There’s the semi-automated way…

The solo method…

Or with a ‘carbon neutral’ buddy…

Or…

The “Earth Hour” circle jerk…

…dramatized by Time Magazine, as reported by by P.J. Gladnick at NewsBusters:

Have you celebrated Earth Hour tonight by turning off your lights during the hour of 8:30 to 9:30 PM? Time magazine thinks this is so important that they have melodratically asked, Can Earth Hour Galvanize the Global Warming Fight? Writer Bryan Walsh seems to be desperately hoping that the Global Warming movement can find its "defining image".

Gladnick goes on to quote Time:

Every successful social movement has its defining images. Think of the civil rights movement, and the photos of protesters being attacked by police dogs and pummeled by high-pressure fire hoses. Or the Vietnam anti-war movement, and the video of body bags being beamed back to America's living rooms. Even environmentalism has its iconic images, like Cleveland's heavily polluted Cuyahoga River catching fire in the 1960s, smog wreathing Los Angeles's skyline during the next decade and even the stark hole in the ozone over Antarctica. To help galvanize public support — especially around a complex issue — the right picture really can be worth a thousand words.

When it comes to climate change, however, that picture hasn't yet been found…

Ha! Wrong!

TMR has found the perfect defining image:

Hurricane Katrina's destruction, drowning polar bears,…

…spreading deserts — these images are powerful in their own right, but they're not the sorts of pictures that can drive a movement. Precisely because global warming is so, well, global, potentially touching just about every corner of the world and every aspect of our lives, encapsulating it in a single image has proven elusive.

You can't connect climate change to a natural disaster as simply as you can connect a napalm bomb, a running child and the war in Vietnam. That's made building and sustaining a movement against global warming so challenging. We can't see it yet, not quite — and we can't see its victims. But by the time we can, it will be too late.

Don’t fret, the actual celebration wasn’t nearly as morose as that diatribe, evidenced by this video:



Burning candles in a fancy restaurant and on the beach, party boats lit up in blue on the water, all the cars to get there, the flame thrower blasts to light up several hot air balloons, burping, exhaling, flatulent yuppies… all give off carbon and other greenhouse gases.

Party on to save the planet, or to be seen as if you were.

"A very strong message" indeed.

NewsBusters update: North Korea celebrates Earth Hour 24/7.

Pole Position

This Is A Trick

We’re the ones who are toast,...

We Had To Do It: Honorary Moron Of The Week

Hey, don’t shoot the messenger.

NOOOOooooooooooo, This Can’t Be: Another Apprentice Bites The Bag

Apprentice candidate Lorraine Tighe has been questioned as part of an £8million fraud investigation.

The 36-year-old single mum, whose describes herself as 'succeeding in life against all the odds', was probed as part of a VAT and tax investigation into her tycoon father construction company.

The accounts manager is said to have kept quiet about the case during the selection process for the BBC show - and could have lost her chance to be Sir Alan's Apprentice if the producers found out.

If you want to read the rest it’s at the Daily Mail - we're taking a break from all this Apprentice foolery.

Put Your Clothes On, Honey, And Get Out Of That Cage: You've Got Some WORK To Do!!!

"Today the nonprofit Center for Consumer Freedom (CCF) published documents online showing that People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) killed 95 percent of the adoptable pets in its care during 2008. Despite years of public outrage over its euthanasia program, the animal rights group kills an average of 5.8 pets every day at its Norfolk, VA headquarters.

According to public records from the Virginia Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services, PETA killed 2,124 pets last year and placed only seven in adoptive homes. Since 1998, a total of 21,339 dogs and cats have died at the hands of PETA workers.

Despite having a $32 million budget, PETA does not operate an adoption shelter. PETA employees make no discernible effort to find homes for the thousands of pets they kill every year. Last year, the Center for Consumer Freedom petitioned Virginia’s State Veterinarian to reclassify PETA as a slaughterhouse."

-- The Center for Consumer Freedom

Terms Of Endearment

Jenny McCarthy took time out from her intense advanced medical research to answer People magazine’s question “Who was your first date for a big event?”

McCarthy replied “It was my [1994] Playmate of the Year party, and I brought my boyfriend at the time. I called him Chunk Man
because he was a little chunky.”

That explains why he in turn called her Discharge.

The "Race" To The Bottom (Of The I.Q. Chart)

How come white people see things that other minorities don't see? White folks see all kinds of shit. U.F.O.s, monsters - the Loch Ness Monster, Abominable Snowman, Bigfoot, Squaretoe, Little Pussy - you see all kinds of shit! I want one nigga to see one monster and be on the 6 o' clock news:

"I saw it. I saw the monster! I saw the 'Cornbread Monster'! He had great big ol' Black Eyed Pea eyes! Greens and shit hanging out his back!"

Let us see some shit just once!

And don't mention U.F.O.s, you guys - the white people are shaking their heads, but you know that's the damn truth - you guys see U.F.O.s in your goddamn sleep! And you know everybody relates to it, because white people always talking that shit - you so damn dramatic with the shit - you'll cry at the drop of a hat:

"(Crying) "Oh, you have to believe us,..you have to believe us! We were vacationing,...we were in the desert,...we saw something hovering,...we saw bright lights, we heard noises - shhh!"

Now when niggas see the shit you cross-examine them:

"You have to believe us,..we were in the desert,..."

"What were you niggers doing in the desert?"

"We were vacationing,..."

"Vacationing? You don't have jobs, how could you be vacationing?"

"We saw something hovering,..."

"It's those big, wide, nigga hats you wear."

"We saw bright lights,..."

"Highway Patrol!!! Get these niggas out of my office! Bring in some more truthful white people!"

{White people) "The aliens took us, they fucked us, they took us, they fucked us,..."

See, let some nigga aliens pick up some white folks they won't even talk about it:

""You were missing for three days!"

"I don't want to talk about, I don't want to talk about it,.."

Let's have that on the cover of the Enquirer: "Nigga Aliens Take White Family Away For Two Weeks - They Brought Them Back Beat Up!"

(White family) "They took us and they brought us back beat up! Those niggers beat us!"

We just don't see the shit y'all see.

It's too funny to me.

-- Paul Mooney, comedian - Richard Pryor's writer and frequent guest on The Dave Chappelle Show - from his 1993 album, "Race", available as an .mp3 on The War Of The Words.

We Can At Least Agree She's Nothing But Trouble

"I would prefer it be called an act of nature or an act of the Goddess."

-- Christina R. Olague, San Francisco Planning Commissioner, on how a disaster should be described - instead of as an "act of God" - though the commissioner seemed to be making a joke about the cultish views of the citizenry, in The San Francisco Chronicle.

Another Mr. Hope 'N' Change Hits A (Blue) Wall

"Not a lot of love lost between Oakland Mayor Ron Dellums and the families of the four slain police officers who were laid to rest Friday.

None of the families requested that the mayor speak at the televised funeral - in fact, we're told, two families specifically asked that he not speak.

One of the slain officers went so far as to leave behind specific instructions in his emergency packet that Dellums not be asked to speak should the officer be killed in the line of duty."

-- Phillip Matier and Andrew Ross, on the only thing that could've made a sad occasion even sadder - Ron Dellums (above) saying nothing while running off at the mouth - with full coverage by The San Francisco Chronicle.

The Perfect Excuse For Everything Because - SURPRISE - He's Never Stepped In To Stop Shit

"I always respected him as my father and he is my father. He never spoke about,...why we were doing it. Sometimes I would ask him and he would say it was God's will."

-- Arcedio Alvarez's daughter, speaking of the man Columbia is now calling the "monster of Mariquita", and this latest case of incest to make the news - producing 11 children - according to the BBC.

That's A Damn Good Start, Senator: Now Show The Voters If You Know How To "Raise The Roof"

"Well, your wife said the same thing."

-- Sen. Charles Grassley (R-Iowa, above) delivering TMR to Budget Committee Chairman Kent Conrad (D-N.D.) after Conrad said, "You know, I used to like you. Let me just say: Oh, you are good," on C-SPAN.