Sorry Planet, Sorry World (I'm Truly, Truly Sorry,...)

I'D PUT ANN ROMNEY'S RNC SPEECH IN THERE: 

 "The 10 Most Damaging Chick Flicks Ever Made"

NUT JOBS WHO DRINK THEIR OWN URINE KNOW EVERYTHING:

 "Shirley MacLaine says Ronald Reagan spotted a UFO 
... and an alien told him to switch careers"

SNAKES AREN'T THE #1 COLD BLOODED ANIMALS ANYMORE: 

 "Breadwinner wives: 
When the wife earns more, she can afford to get divorced."

YOU WANT A WORLD FILLED WITH RELIGION 

BUT NOT RATIONALITY? 

FINE - HOW DO YOU LIKE A WORLD FILLED WITH  RELIGION 

BUT NOT RATIONALITY?

 "Muslim woman 'beaten with walking stick in brutal exorcism by husband 

and family members who were convinced she was possessed by demon'"

MORMONS? PFFFT!
I'M THE ONLY PROPHET IN SALT LAKE CITY: 

 "The spectacular implosion of Mitt Romney means a no-choice US election"

#1 - "I'M GOING TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT" 

 "Mitt Romney’s top twenty gaffes of the year"

EVEN REAL DOCTORS DON'T TREAT THEMSELVES: 

 "Self Hurt"

WHY DO SO MANY YOGA TEACHERS 
SLEEP WITH THEIR STUDENTS? 

 "Cult leaders as sex predators"

YOU WERE ON YOUR KNEES - BRING THEM TO THEIRS: 

 "Monica Lewinsky 'writing tell-all memoir 
including her secret love letters to Clinton'"