Saturday, January 31, 2009

WE Pledge...Not To Say We Told You So: Pledge To "The One" Expires After Almost Two Weeks

Maybe The Presidential Pledge video should have come with a "Use By" date.

From Andrew Breitbart at Big Hollywood:

The smiling and community service-mindedness ended Thursday morning on the affluent side of Beverly Hills. According to TMZ, “Kutcher went absolutely insane when he was woken up by a neighbor who started construction on a house at 7:30 in the morning.”

Wearing his morning fedora, Kutcher chose to videotape and chronicle the inconvenience online.

Among Kutcher’s early morning Twitter offerings:

“this SOB owl feces cougar placenta jack bone dick!”

“Jack ass 7am building a goddamn fort next to my house f’in up my view and noise polluting the entire f’in neighborhood with pounding steal”

“holy moly I’m gonna lose it!”

“this ass clown has another thing coming!”

“I’m gonna kill my neighbor”


Since Demi Moore had to do extra diaper changes on Kutcher for the past few days, we imagine she's behind in her goal to free 5 million slaves in 5 years. We calculate she will need to free about 358 per day to stay on plan.

We'll be tracking it.

Cultists: They're The People You See Everyday

Countless people are caught up in cults and cult-like groups. To avoid being one of them it couldn't hurt to become familiar with the nature of a cult and their schemes. Granted, there are no easy answers to the question, "What exactly is a cult?" But there are some cold hard facts about the cults that most people are unaware of.

One thing you can count on is that some of your relatives, friends, neighbors and even the friendly face who checks your groceries at your local market may be caught up in a cult or a cult-like group. Cult typically refers to "A system of intense religious veneration of a particular person, idea, or object, especially one considered spurious or irrational by traditional religious bodies; as, the Moonie cult." Add to that: "A strong devotion or interest in a particular person, idea or thing without religious associations, or the people holding such an interest; as, the cult of James Dean; the cult of personality in totalitarian societies."


-- Marsha West, who appears to be smarter than 9 out of 10 Americans, which must be why she's on Renew America.

Getting Long In The Tooth And Soft In The Head

"Obama would all but be ensured of success before the Right even realized it was under an all out attack."
-- Dan Riehl, who, like a lot of conservative commentators and bloggers - on the Left and Right - seems to only listen to the "appropriate" voices, while giving us the Riehl World View.

You know what? Fuck these so-called conservatives. You heard us. They do all this bitching about how nobody's reading newspapers or engaged - especially black people - but guess what? The one behind TMR is considering not even reading you jack-assed conservative bloggers either because they're just as blinkered and blinded as the ink stained idiots of the Democratic Party are. It's insulting to read their crap when we've already covered most of it, and in better detail. It's not their business model, assholes, it's those boring-assed dipshits who refuse to help anyone else, or think about anything else, or who basically won't offer any real assistance to get themselves out of the way. One day they're wondering if it'll take someone from outside of what's become the conservative mainstream to save us (Joe The Plumber being an obvious choice for Pajamas Media's exploitation) and the next day they're back at work, wanting us to admire them as they lick their own balls.

What? Did they just notice Obama was out to get us? Awww, how perceptive. It's not like this blog didn't already tell them that eons ago. But why wasn't it news when TMR said it? Why didn't it get an Instapundit link? I'll tell you why: because TMR doesn't think like the rest of these lamers. We're not geeks like Glen Reynolds. We don't get a thrill up our leg from Michael fucking Steele. (That lamer's going to save the party? With what? Water pistols and pinatas? Puh-leaze. Jay-Z's farts do better in the smell test.) TMR looks at other criteria than merely the usual political give-and-take that passes for interpreting information these days. That (plus a liberal use of swearing) puts TMR beyond the pale - like Limbaugh used to be - though Limbaugh usually apes many of the subjects TMR covers and TMR is usually way ahead of other commentators because TMR is looking at other important data.

Take TMR's focus on NewAge. These other fools will write about the Pope, they will write about Evangelicals, Mitt Romney, and every other major religious leader and movement out there, but when it comes to NewAgers, they've got nothin'. Other writers have said so - also without mentioning NewAge - but they have admitted it. Conservatives laugh with Oprah - not at her. So while writer after writer will claim there's a cult around Obama, they can't honestly tell you where it's come from, how it's formed, who's in it - nothing. They help it along. They help all the cults along. They're worthless. Many writers have admitted everything TMR writes about cults, in a piecemeal fashion, but they all miss the big picture - and they isolate anyone who says otherwise. The idea that cultism is where Republicans should be pushing - because that's how Democrats have been organizing - is beyond them. Other countries may get it, but not those folks in America and on the Right. Hilariously, they actually believe what the Left says. I mean, really believe them. As Limbaugh says, you don't win elections that way.

And the rest of their political analysis is just as shoddy. Because of their interests, most of the popular Right-wing commentators are the worst kind of spectators, and when I say most, I mean 99%. They're not capable of doing what Rush Limbaugh does because they haven't got the insight - or, more importantly, the balls. But you'll notice, though not to the extent of TMR, Rush Limbaugh speaks of cultism. Rush Limbaugh speaks of NewAge. Rush Limbaugh understands what's occurring in the boardrooms and behind them. And so does TMR. It's the rest of these assholes, who won't speak of it and won't allow other voices to do so, that stand in the way of Republican success. So it becomes stupid for TMR to read the rest of these jokers - or for you to read anything other than TMR. Oh look: Dan Riehl is linked by Glen Reynolds to tell us Obama has a plan to get us? Wow, thanks, Glen. Now let TMR tell our fellow Republicans something - from its black part of town:

Welcome to the real world - who the fuck needs you? Tell us how The Cult of Obama got started, since it's the religion of the Left, and become truly worth something to us. Black people hate the occult - and from what we hear, getting them and Hispanics to vote with us is really important these days. SO EXPOSING THE NEWAGE IS CALLED NEWS, ASSHOLES!!! Talk about having a wedge issue,...

TMR still can't tell which is worse: being around dumb-as-a-rock NewAge cultists, or being surrounded by "intelligent" idiots and "really smart" conservative fools. But it sure looks like, one way or another, we're gonna find out.

Friday, January 30, 2009

You Are Getting Sleepy. "Actually, Dude,..."

"Most everyone knows it isn't a good bill, and knows that its failure to receive a single Republican vote, not one, suggests the old battle lines are hardening. Back to the Crips versus the Bloods. Not very inspiring."

-- Peggy Noonan, letting us know that Obama, like all stage hypnotists, must have willing subjects to achieve the proper effect, which he ain't finding at The Wall Street Journal.

Noonan adds a couple of paragraphs that TMR thinks are just brilliant; reminding us why we started this blog and all the stupid and ugly con artists we've met along the way - starting with the self-serving beliefs of Karine Anne Brunck and "Dr." Robert Wohlfahrt (notice the comparison to Blago and Idi Amin) - who have consumed so much of America's time, only to repeatedly destroy it with lies. Those of us who never bought into NewAge can feel that, in some way, it's really over - that though we lost that last battle - we have finally won the war. Here's Noonan:

"There's a sense among many,...a feeling part Puritan, part mystic and obscurely guilty, that some bill is coming due. Hard to get a stimulus package that addresses that. (The guilt was part of the power of Blago. He's the last American who doesn't feel guilt. He thinks something is moral because he did it. He's like a good-natured Idi Amin, up there yammering about how he's a poor boy who only wanted to protect the people of Chicago from the flu. You wish you could believe it! You wish he really were what he is in his imagination, a hero battling dark forces against the odds.)"

TMR likes Blago, but he's part of Obama's crew,...almost the last Baby Boomer. And, like Obama and Nancy Pelosi, you can't believe a word he says. We know that now. We know it about all these people.

Act accordingly.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Taking A Good Long Look At TMR's New World








Macho Sauce Discovered The Prez Pledge!!!



When A Silly Cult Show Gets Into A Cult Seminar



This is another great episode of Adult Swim's "Superjail" - they're even (smarter than most by) correctly labeling NewAge cultism as "mumbo jumbo" - watch the whole thing. And click on this post's title to see how it works in the real world.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

And Now A Word From Your (Non-Cult) Leader

Hey there - this is your old friend, The Crack Emcee, can we talk?

I can see that some of you are confused. Why is this guy always going on about cults?

The short answer is because there are these fine folks (especially the so-called "celebrities") who are continually grouping together, around the most silly things, and once they do so, they begin reinforcing the idea that, because they've decided to commit to some nonsense or other, the rest of us have to respect them.

Which is utter nonsense in itself.

It's people like these who give TMR's "delusional thinking" tag such a workout.

Take this idea of 2012. By studying the Mayan calendar, a whole gang of people are insisting the world is going to come to an end; or something "big" is going to happen, or who knows what. Whatever it (supposedly) may be, it's a popular idea with, like, what I'll call the NewAge friends of the Burning Man crowd,...who just happen to study the Mayan calendar.

But here's the thing: no one is seriously asking these people why they've been studying the Mayan calendar to begin with.

That seems like a really stupid way to spend their time: the Mayans are pretty much dead as a culture. And the man with the sandwich board, standing on the corner saying, "The end is near" is about as played out as you can get. I mean: we're still here.

And yet, on the supposedly smart chat shows, we're fed this steady stream of opinions by the well-known (and well-heeled) who actually believe such foolishness like they're worthy of being listened to. Being more specific, let me ask you a question:

If Janeane Garofalo believes in the 2012 theory of the end times - and she reportedly does - why is she, out of all the intelligent people on earth, a regular on Bill Maher's talk show?

Why her? Couldn't Maher - who also believes in quackery - find anyone sane? Or can't he tell the difference? Why does he even have a show?

Shirley MacLaine (who has not matured into a very nice person) is a U.F.O. cultist - we all know that. So why isn't anyone offering her mental help? Didn't we once like Shirley MacLaine?

Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kirsty Alley - all part of "the world's most dangerous cult" - but we're told to be more concerned with their box office numbers than we are with the condition of their minds, and the effect such madness has when it works like a, sometimes frightening, psychedelic drug on the body politic. Why? Isn't the death of Jett Travolta enough for us to ask "What are we doing?"

What are we doing to our society - which regularly appears to be spinning out of control - and to ourselves?

We've just elected a man with hardly any credentials, but lots of nasty friends, to be the President of the United States - merely because he's black. And no one is seriously batting an eye unless they see someone, like me, who says there is something terribly wrong with that idea. Folks, the emperor has no clothes.

But when I say that, out come the excuses - as empty as Barack Obama's resume - and the eyes of his defenders narrow, always on the ready to assume a cutting gaze that suggests the madness they so heartily deny.

If that's not the very definition of cultism then I don't know what is.

Look, I'll cut to the chase for you, so we can be done with this whole thing and I can get back to my coffee:

There is no NewAge. There are no "ancient teachings." Life is a straight line and it just keeps going whether you're here to continue with it or not.

So, please, let's start demanding we quit being inundated and fooled by these want-to-be-well-known-but-equally-foolish people who, apparently, get lost much too easily by engaging in circular reasoning.

Let's just try to get on with it ourselves. Sanely. Both, as a tribute to the sacrifices of past generations, and a testament to the collective intelligence of our own.

We do indeed have all we need to make it happen. It's just by getting rid of a few really bad ideas that we can make it all work. And it's past time we did.

If we do, that in itself will be one hell of a first: we'll be the generation that will have finally reached "enlightenment."

And we will have done it by returning to The Macho Response.

P.S.

Oh yea: There are articles in many of the titles (if you click on them) and - while I know it's crass and hardly clever and all - try to make even a small a donation. We're always looking for sponsors - Big ones. Big rich ones. Big rich ones who will imagine we're gods, like my ex-wife, "Dr." Robert Wohlfahrt, and Clinton - but we just haven't found them yet. So that leaves YOU. And yea, yea, as you can guess, any mention of my ex is like firing up The Bat Signal:

It means I'm now returning you to our regularly scheduled broadcast of political nonsense, religious nuts, and the world of way-out wackos.

So take care,

CMC

The Future's Hard To Predict (Usually, Anyway)

Susan Milbrath, curator of Latin American art and archeology at the Florida Museum of Natural History, calls all the doomsday predictions "utter nonsense." She says the Mayan calendar doesn't simply end, it rolls over like a car's odometer.

"We don't have any evidence that the Mayans thought the rollover of a new calendar was associated with the creation of a new world," she says.

Milbrath says scholars have also found inscriptions on monuments in Palenque, Mexico, that allude to dates well beyond 2012. Why would they go to the trouble of marking dates if every human would be turned to ash by then?

She attributes the Armageddon hysteria simply to the fact that the long count is rolling over in our lifetimes. The Apocalypse is probably a lot more interesting if you're around to see it. Plus, this would hardly be the first time for end-of-the-world panic. Astronomers, soothsayers and religious figures have been predicting doomsday for thousands of years. Many in the Christian world thought Christ would return around 1000. In London in 1524, thousands abandoned their home, fearing a coming flood predicted by astrologers. In 1999 in America - well, you were probably there, so you know what happened. Or didn't.

The bottom line is, the world isn't going to end because the Mayan said it will. It's going to end because Al Gore said it will.


-- Reed Tucker, with a little bit of that rarest of things these days: common sense, in The New York Post.

Fooling Some Of The People Some Of The Time

"Question: Has Barack Obama’s popularity already plunged by 15 points?

Answer: Citing a Gallup Poll, the London Sun reported President Obama is “down” to 68% approval. If this keeps up, he’ll be in negative numbers by Easter."


-- Don Surber, reminding us that smoke and mirrors ultimately leave one with a cloudy reflection, as Don Surber.

Monday, January 26, 2009

The Most Accurate Definition Of "Pin Head"

"When I started looking into acupuncture, I remember hearing someone say: ‘There must be something to acupuncture. After all, you never see any sick porcupines.’

Unfortunately, when I examined the research, it became clear that sticking needles in patients is not as effective as many clinics claim. Indeed, research published last week reinforced the notion that the philosophy of Chinese acupuncture is mumbo-jumbo of the highest quality."


-- Simon Singh, announcing - one more time - that "acupunture's benefits are all in the mind," in The Daily Mail.