Friday, February 27, 2009

TMR's Favorite New Word: Homeopathalogical

From a comment we found here:
Homeopathalogical: those who prey on the sick and desperate, offering nothing in return but the ability to listen.
Have a good one, people!!!

NewAge Is A Loser (Not What It Appears To Be)

I believe in karma (laughing), and I believe people get away with murder, too. For a while. Somewhere down the line everyone must pay for their misdeeds.
-- Paul McCartney, a vegetarian NewAger, trying to make his answer - to a particularly dumb NewAge question - work, in The Los Angeles Weekly.

Homeopaths Dilute The Truth With Water So Quacks Can Float On Their Own Sea Of Lies

New Delhi, Feb 26 (IANS) A 55-year-old homeopathy doctor carrying a reward of Rs.10,000 on his head has been arrested here for his alleged involvement in at least 60 cases of cheating and fraud in nine states, police said Thursday.
 Delhi Police’s Crime Branch arrested Sanjay Kumar Bansal, 55, from his Rohini Sector-24 home Wednesday for duping scores of businessmen of millions of rupees.
-- The Thai Indian News

Trust Me: I'm A (Pretend) Doctor

Following outbreak of hepatitis-B epidemic in Modasa, the Vadodara district health department launched a surprise checking drive to nab fake doctors on Thursday. Offences were registered against 22 bogus doctors operating in the district and more than 100 homeopaths and ayurvedic doctors were issued warnings after it came to light that they were practicing alopathy.
-- The Times Of India

Homeopathic Quackery Is "Puzzling" To Some Nevada Politicians (But The NewAge Cultism Surrounding It Is All Too Typical To Us)

CARSON CITY — Complaints that charged Attorney General Catherine Cortez Masto and state Sen. Mike Schneider with using their influence to restore the license of a homeopathic doctor were tossed out today by the Nevada Ethics Commission.

Ethics Commission members Erik Beyer and Jim Shaw said there was insufficient evidence to show that Masto and Schneider broke ethics laws as a result of their inquiries into the license suspension of Daniel Royal. The complaints against the two were filed by Edward T. Reed, identified as a former attorney general employee.

Reed had been the deputy attorney general who monitored the Board of Homeopathic Medical Examiners. Royal was president of the board.

According to the investigative report, Schneider asked Masto to look into the situation when an attempt to serve subpoenas on Royal and Dean Friesen was made in his office at the Legislature in 2007. Unknown to Masto, her office had been investigating the two men.

Schneider also was accused of showing up at a board meeting to urge members not to remove Royal as president. He had been Royal’s patient for a month in 2005, according to an Ethics Commission report.

Later that year the senator again asked Masto to look into the matter after Royal’s license was temporarily suspended on grounds he allowed Friesen, an unlicensed pharmacist, to practice homeopathy in his office.

The senator, according to documents, also secured a legislative counsel opinion that Royal could not be removed from office because he also was licensed by the Board of Osteopathy.

Schneider, according to the investigative report, was referred to by Masto as a slight acquaintance. She said she did not know Royal or Friesen.

In addition, Schneider also did not have a friendship or private commitment to Royal of Friesen from which he could have benefited, according to the documents.

Masto agreed after speaking with Schneider to have another deputy attorney general investigate the matter and based on her reports sought to have Royal‘s license restored, according to Ethics Commission documents.

The Homeopathy Board, after what was called a “non meeting” by the investigator, and then during an “emergency meeting,” ended the license suspension.

Although there were insufficient grounds to bring charges against Masto, Ethics Commission Executive Director Patty Cafferata called her actions in the situation “puzzling.” An attempt to contact Masto for comment tonight was unsuccessful.
-- Ed Vogel, with another tale of Nevada's notoriously corrupt approach to homeopathy in The Las Vegas Review Journal.

All The Guises Of Evil

According to our spies, the big Chuck-Georgina reunion happens in the park when Chuck comes upon a group of oddly dressed people at a log cabin. The assembled young people are all wearing T-shirts that read "OMJC," and one asks Chuck, "Are you a wayward soul in search of direction?" Right about then a hippie-looking, creepy, smiley and altogether weird-seeming Georgina pops up and asks if Chuck's been saved as well.

OMFG. (Or should that be OMJC?!)

Has G been brainwashed by a cult?
-- Jennifer Godwin, giving us part of the new plot on Gossip Girl - and a very accurate description of how NewAgers look to those of us not into cultism - for E! Online.

Guilty NewAgers Get Everything Wrong

WASHINGTON—A majority of African-Americans surveyed in a nationwide poll this week reported feeling "deeply disturbed" and "more than a little weirded out" by all the white people now smiling at them.

First witnessed shortly after President Obama's historic victory, the open and cheerful smiling has only continued in recent months, leaving members of the black community completely unnerved.

"On behalf of black people across this nation, I would like to say to our white brethren, 'Please stop looking at us like that,'" said Brown University psychology professor Dr. Stanley Carsons. "We're excited Barack is president, too, and we're glad you're happy for us. But giving us the thumbs up for no reason, or saying hello whenever we walk by, is really starting to freak us out."

-- The Onion

Repeating It Makes It True: Everything's Connected (Whether You Like It Or Not)

"Twenty-eight members of a Shiite messianic cult responsible for brutal attacks on Shiite pilgrims in Iraq were sentenced to death on Thursday, said an official from the federal court in Dhi Qar Province.

The condemned were members of the Followers of the Mahdi, itself a part of the Soldiers of Heaven, a fringe cult that believes that sowing chaos will pave the way for the coming of the Mahdi, the 12th Imam, who disappeared in the ninth century, and who Shiites believe will return as a savior of humanity.

Nineteen other members of the group were sentenced to life imprisonment, and six were acquitted, said the court official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak publicly.

The Soldiers of Heaven have fought Iraqi and American security forces in a series of clashes. None have been more brutal, or bizarre, than a battle in January 2007 on the outskirts of the holy Shiite city of Najaf, where an estimated 1,000 cult members entrenched themselves with plans to overthrow the city’s Shiite clerical leadership. Though the fighters managed to bring down an American helicopter gunship, hundreds of them were killed in the battle and hundreds more were arrested.

In September 2007, 10 leaders of the group were sentenced to death by an Iraqi court and scores more received long prison terms."

-- Campbell Robertson, forgetting to point out the outrageously dumb anti-war protesters were also supporting these murderously delusional bozos, in The New York Times.

Nature: Making The Gene Pool Stronger, One Fool At A Time

A sex-mad Russian died after guzzling a bottle of Viagra pills to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two women pals.

The women had bet mechanic Sergey Tuganov £3,000 that he wouldn’t be able to satisfy them both non-stop for the half-day sex marathon.

But minutes after winning the wager, the randy 28-year-old dropped dead with a heart attack, revealed Moscow police.

One of the women, named only as Alina, said: “We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do.”

The Sun

We can hardly wait to report the inevitable demise of the women. If we were real lucky, the dope imparted a sterilizing disease to the two sperm sewers just before he vapor-locked.

Life’s not for everyone.

Kindergartner On The Mend

There are reports that Chris Matthews
has undergone an emergency procedure to un-wedge his appendix from between his teeth.

Doctors have surgically attached a “butt-stop” collar to Matthews to prevent his head from getting that far up his ass again.

“They’re Clean. Really, They Are”

Sheryl Crow, assuring a group of men lined up for hand jobs that her toilet paper policy isn’t as bad as it sounds.

In other news, Crow complained she can’t get oral sex anymore at any price.

One Creep’s As Good As The Next

Just because they divorced back in 1989 doesn’t mean there is still bad blood between Sean Penn and Madonna. Following the star-studded Vanity Fair affair after the Oscars on Sunday night, Pop Tarts can reveal that Penn joined his former flame for her exclusive party at manager Guy Oseary’s house in the Hollywood Hills.

FOX News

Though Penn, still in the throes of his life-long asshole fetish, did say Hugo was a “tighter piece of tail, but I haven’t yet ridden Minge since she started using Poly-Grip”.

Counting Flowers On The Wall…

Is it a miracle? Monk who prays so much he has left footprints ingrained in the FLOOR

The Daily Mail

“Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kang----aroo, Now don’t tell me.....I’ve nothin' to do”

On A Budget? Crap Your Pants And Sit In That

This is either proof that the art collectors are still spending, or that they have lost their minds. Maybe both. The piece in question is a chair -- resembling a turd with with tusks -- that gaveled yesterday at Christie's Paris auction for an eye-popping (pooping?) $28.3 million. The leather and wood chair that swaddled the ass of Yves Saint Laurent was among the items fetching $484 million, almost $60 million more than the estimated total sales of the "Auction of the Century," which critics said would determine the future of all art auctions.

The couple that bought the 90-year-old armchair (entitled Dragons—yes, the chair is art, it has a title) paid far more than the $3.8 million estimate. “It is the price of desire,” sniffed the buyer.

A Christie’s rep was astounded at the sale of Dragons, which was designed by Irish artiss Eileen Gray. “It was a remarkably strong piece, but what it went for was beyond our wildest imagination.” Being of Irish descent, and on behalf of the Old Sod, I
apologize for our crappy contribution to the art world. Mea maxima culpa.


Having money doesn’t mean you’re not stupid. In fact, some of the dumbest people on the planet have plenty of money. Think about Prince Charles for a moment.

This Is 1,000,000,000,000 (One Trillion) Elves

If you spent one million dollars ($1,000,000) per day, it would take 274 years to spend one trillion dollars ($1,000,000,000,000),

The national debt will be about 13 trillion dollars this year. If that were paid off at a rate of 1 million dollars per day, it would take 3,562 years.

If you want to know your, or even your child’s share, it’s about $43,300.

Hope and change ain’t gonna be cheap.

Do You Ever Miss The Billy Bob Years?

We don’t either.

Madonna's Rocky Romances

Here are some highlights from Madonna's romantic past:

1977—While still living in Michigan, a teenaged Madonna has a brief affair with a young pizza delivery driver—the last time she would do anything spontaneous and uncalculated.

1985—Madonna's tumultuous love affair with noted Keynesian economist John Kenneth Galbraith finally ends after a loud public spat about the merits of heterodox institutional economics.

1987—Madonna makes Emo Philips a man.

1990—In a move that divides feminists, Madonna gives hand jobs to the first two rows of the audience at a Madrid concert during her Blond Ambition tour

1991—A disappointed Jose Canseco ends his relationship with Madonna after discovering that the pop star's breasts are not as conical as he was led to believe.

1996—Personal trainer Carlos Leon is summoned to Madonna's bedchamber, where he impregnates her with future daughter Lourdes before being immediately returned to the gyms of New York.

1998—Despite three or four very pleasant dates, things just never really click between Madonna and Omaha-based systems analyst Sam Biederman.

2004—Guy Ritchie and Madonna agree to separate as soon as Madonna has time.

The Onion

This Is A Bunch Of Chinese People

Be nice to them. Let them win. If they don’t buy our debt, it’s game over.

“Come Back And See Us Again, OK?”

Kyra Phillips, our favorite douche-baguette, to Stevie Wonder.


Kyra, your doctor called and he’s concerned about the brain cells in your stool sample.

You might be digesting yourself.

A Mind That's A Terrible Thing To Face

Janeane Garofalo forget to take her meds again and wandered away from her home under the Brooklyn Bridge, where she lives with her toothless Ferret, named Herpe, and a one-wing parakeet she calls Heather.

“I really don’t mind that Heather is missing her right wing because now she only flies in a constant left circle, just like me” she mused.

She later wandered into the studio where Keith Olbermann was sampling new binkies, and the two blithered until the wee hours.

If you want to injure a few brain cells, you can read about it at NewsBusters.

Our Best Guess: They're Immature And Stupid

"Most people dream enthusiastically at night, their dreams seemingly occupying hours, even though most last only a few minutes. Most people also read great meaning into their nocturnal visions. In fact, according to a new study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the vast majority of people in three very different countries — India, South Korea and the United States — believe that their dreams reveal meaningful hidden truths.

According to the study, 74% of Indians, 65% of South Koreans and 56% of Americans hold an old-fashioned Freudian view of dreams: that they are portals into the unconscious.

But after so many years of brain research showing that most of our everyday cognitions result from a complex but observable interaction of proteins and neurons and other mostly uncontrolled cellular activity, how can so many otherwise rational people think dreams should be taken seriously?"

-- John Cloud (great name for this story) knocking down another HUGE plank of NewAge silliness (the so-called importance of dreams) in TIME Magazine.

The article helpfully adds:

"Brain activity isn't mystical but — for the most part — highly predictable."

Real Americans Bust Another NewAge Bubble

"I don’t want to attack her, but the truth is very savage. We were infected enough with her behavior in the jungle. Now I just want to get immunized.

I can get over just about anything, but I don’t know about Ingrid. Forgive? Yes. Move on? Yes. Respect? No."

-- Keith Stansell, ex-Marine, former captive of Columbia's FARC - and one of the authors of the book, “Out of Captivity” - on Ingrid Betancourt (his celebrated fellow captive) who the Americans described as "a rotten piece of fruit," in The New York Times.

Another former captive, Luis Eladio Pérez, strengthens the NewAge outlines of the story, saying:

“Ingrid is a person who generates a great deal of envy. Not even the kidnapping had taken away that karma, above all because 90 percent of the news stories that were heard about the kidnapping were about her, as if the rest of us did not exist.”

Of course, it's that (nonexistent) "karma" at work - not her behavior with others - and who in our NewAge news media cares about a bunch of men in captivity? (No one's rushing to save Ashton Kutcher, after all,...)

Ingrid, BTW, is now living in France, the "selfish and haughty" capital of the world.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

"Is It Steamy In Here, Or Is It Just Me?"

A Japanese energy commission released a report last month challenging the supposed international consensus that man is responsible for warming the planet while claiming that climate modeling -- the questionably accurate process of predicting the future so key to Nobel Laureate Al Gore's myth -- is immature and akin to ancient astrology*.


If a tree falls in the forest and doesn’t land on Al Gore, does it mean 6 more weeks of winter?

*From the report:

"Before anyone noticed, this hypothesis has been substituted for truth... The opinion that great disaster will really happen must be broken."

Just as we've always said - while the "smart" folk (including many so-called scientists) have insisted we unlearned simpletons can't teach them anything by showing humanity through the prism of it's silliest beliefs. Sure.

What they forget - or are trying desperately to deny - is, we are living in the matrix of a big "spiritual" NewAge con, and there are waaay more super-superstitious, end-of-the-world, just-like-the-crazy-snake-handling-evangelical types - in the "progressive" camp - than they'd ever want to admit,....

Yea, that means YOU, cupcake.


We Are The Squirrels, We Are The Gerbils

In a cross between “We Are The World” and the recent “Celebrity Pledge” ass-fest, Norman Lear has chimed in with “Born Again American”.

Well Norman, we don’t need to be born again, as we got it right the first time. In fact, Norman, fuck you and everyone like you.

Here’s an sample of the bullshit dripping off of this video masturbation: a woman and self-made professional victim, sings that her brother is “welding chassis at the plant”, presumably an auto plant and then sings “he’s earning what our granddad did in 1948”. What? We don’t fucking think so. $70.00 an hour was unheard of in 1948.

Typical liberal cry-baby crap. Make up what doesn’t exist and then protest your own lie, dumb-shit.

This whole video is like being subjected to projectile diarrhea in an elevator.

So nimrods, instead of singing and whining about shit you could have been doing for years, here’s a few things you can do that would really work:

Go to work, pay your bills, stop running up your credit cards, stop worshipping celebrities and cults, stop banging your neighbors spouse, stop telling your kids how smart and special they are when they fail or worse, when they do nothing.

And stop whining, assholes.

Go away Norman, we’ve been fine without watching you self-inflict a mind fuck.

OK Moonbeam, Do You Really Want To Be Different?

Well…Do ya punk?

If you ask many fools why they have 25 pierced earrings in one or both ears, or what’s with the tongue stud or pierced labia
or nipples and tattoos or why they believe cult crap and drink armadillo piss, you’ll frequently get this type of answer:

“I want to express myself, be different and unique”.

Well, sorry Twinkie, all you did is quit group ‘A’ and join group ‘B’. Just another brick in the other wall.

And it is a clear and present demotion.

If you really want to be unique, different and, in this culture and on this planet, rare, it’s simple:

Be an adult. Think you can handle that, Scooter?