Roseanne and Rosie O'Donnell. Just two ugly liberal "women" chatting about Sarah Palin (What else?) one claiming she'd "slap her" (and would surely get her ass kicked) and the other one swearing up a shit storm - that one would be Oprah's pick for a talk show host, who's so normal Oprah had to do a "crazy check" before she'd give her the job. (Yea, imagine that - Oprah doing an interview to see if someone's insane. How did that go? "Do you believe in The Secret?" "Yes." "You're hired.") Whatever. All we have to say here is thank Gawd it's radio:
These two are really bad on the eyes. But not as bad as this:
Why do you only hear doctors talking like this on a fictional television series and at (our sister blog) Panda Bear, M.D.? And why are Jenny McCarthy, Jim Carrey, Oprah Winfrey, Ellen Degeneres, Rosie O'Donnell, and the rest of the loony tunes who popularized this anti-vaccine/autism idea never mentioned? They're as much to blame for the death and illness that followed as Andrew Wakefield, who wrote that original bogus study. And where's the widely covered follow-up on their "beliefs" and what they have brought to us? Oh, sorry, I forgot:
This clip is great because - what do you know! - Penn makes the same points, and savages the same crew (including "fucking Oprah!") as we "crazies" do! Now all we need is more of you and - viola! - we can form a cult! No, not really - some people, who ought to know better, think it's a cult already - but, in order for that to be true, we'd have to find something untrue and stupid to gather around and worship and, believe it or not, that just ain't us - or what we're into. Yeah:
We noticed this same ass-backwards logic in Roseanne Barr, and Rosie O'Donnell - of course, it's used by "Fire can't melt steel" Rosie O'Donnell - can anyone but Oprah imagine Oprah's giving her another show? It's because Rosie's so cute right? Or maybe because - as public disgust getting her kicked off The View proved - she's such a charmer. Surrrrre.
Whatever it is, it's mind-boggling.
Unless, of course again, you consider that all of these so-called "celebrities" being foisted on us (or who have, otherwise, wormed their way into our lives somehow) are NewAgers - and then the fact any of these people are on American television in the 21st century becomes really mind-boggling. Oh, fuck it:
By now, everyone knows we hate this show for being a female-image destroying joke. Between Whoopi questioning whether man landed on the moon, to Sherri saying the Earth is flat and there was no history before Jesus - and, of course, Rosie O'Donnell's crazy 9/11 Truther assertion that "fire can't melt steel" - what's to like?
Well, here's Barbara Walters' public take-down of that faker, James Van Praagh, and he doesn't sound too pleased about it. We're sure, since he's gay, he thought the girls would go along with his charade but Barbara didn't. Why not? Oh, we don't know, but it probably had *something* to do with the idiot costing Walters the wasted time and money for a worthless visit to a doctor and having him call her crazy for listening to a psychic in the first place.
Van Praagh ends the whole thing by claiming the two biggest whack jobs the show ever had were probably correct not to be there anymore. Considering they both got kicked off the program, as we hope he is, that's really saying something.
"Over and over again, beyond the point of ridiculousness, it seems their mindless action is in pursuit of something."
"Some yoga studios have made the techniques more palatable for Christians by removing the chanting and associations to eastern religions, namely Hinduism and its multiple deities."
Madonna's weird Kabbalah demands broke up her marriage to Guy Ritchie, and now it looks like they're breaking up whatever she's got going on with Jesus Luz. When will she learn?
Don't no man want no crazy Kabbalah bitch.
Novelist Anne Rice is leaving Christianity. As far as I know, didn't one Christian on the planet know she shared their faith, so they also don't care if she leaves. When will she learn?
Don't no Christian want no crazy vampire bitch.
Shirley Sherrod now says she's going to sue Andrew Breitbart because, let's face it, she's pissed about whatever happened to her that nobody can really explain. When will she learn?
Don't no court want to hear from no crazy unrepentant racist bitch.
And Cyndi Lauper is still suffering from Bush Derangement Syndrome, anti-Christian bias, and who knows what else she got from Rosie O'Donnell. When will she learn?
Don't nobody want to hear from no crazy bitches, period.
"In Jersey City, where I work, was in a mini-panic. Fire alarms pulled, buildings were evacuated. People were running down the streets. I heard it was worse in New York,...My gosh, if Bush did this, Rosie O’Donnell would be laid out prostrate on Broadway right now to protest."
-- Michael Grubbs, making us so proud we've finally got a president who can pronounce "nuclear" correctly, for the Instapundit.
I've got this weekend off, so I'm trying not to blog, but this damn obsessive-compulsive disorder has still got me looking at shit, so - call me weak but, since my NewAge wife ain't around to "take the tension off" on a Sunday, as it were - here's a quick round-up of the weirdness that I think is worth mentioning. (Remember: the red words are links, too.) Let's start off with:
"The medical astrologer is usually not a licensed medical practitioner, such as an M.D., N.D., D.C. or D.O., since most medical astrologers evolve out of the field."
Will somebody please contact that asshole, "Dr." Robert Wohlfahrt, and let him know this? He might be deciding it's time to "move on" right about now,...seeing how he's medically "evolving" and all.
"'What do you mean by that?' [Tom Cruise] asks in a sudden flash of anger,...for the remaining 45 minutes he talks almost without pause, in rambling sentences which don't always make sense."
This is normal cultish behavior for a Scientologist, before they go into full-on, whacked-out "I did the E-Meter today - How YOU doing?" mode.
"Rosie Live failed first on simple execution. The patter with guests was forced and the improv moments even worse (at least, I hope that the zillion Rosie's cleavage jokes were not planned). The staging was off, with lurid, deathly lighting that gave the show a creepier vibe than Alec Baldwin's using Rosie's boobs as a microphone had already."
Left-wing, luridly-lit, over-the-top lesbian humor, featuring a bunch of Obama boobs with a "creepy" vibe? How did it miss? And would you accept a blowjob from this woman? Is Rosie O'Donnell even a woman? Look at the picture again.
"...Patients receive nutritional supplementation with vitamins, minerals, trace elements, and animal glandular products 4 times per day on days 1-16, followed by 5 days of rest. Courses repeat every 21 days until death,..."
Ladies and Gentlemen, it's now time for me to present (the less weird part of) the very-weird, coffee enema, Gonzalez Therapy: the very first NewAge cancer "detoxification" program I've ever seen with a truth in advertising clause!
"Chronicled at every turn by the tabloids, [Steve McQueen] had been treated at a Mexican clinic with unorthodox methods: prayer, vitamins, coffee enemas and laetrile, a controversial preparation made from apricot pits."
No word if "Dr." Gonzalez got his start in Mexico with this crap,...
Yea? Well, what struck me was you're looking at headstones to tell,...
"Jim Jones was a hero to American leftists,...the temple was as much a left-wing political crusade as a church,...so what if he abused children, sodomized a follower, tortured and held temple members at gun point, and defrauded the government and people of welfare and social security checks? He believes in socialism and so do we. That was the ends-justifies-the-means attitude that enabled Jim Jones to commit criminal acts in San Francisco with impunity. The people who should have stopped him instead encouraged him,...Jim Jones engendered enormous amounts of good will from Democratic politicians and activists. They allowed their political ambitions to derail their governing responsibilities. Frisco pols like Harvey Milk never seemed to care how Jones could, at the snap of his fingers, direct hundreds of people to stack a public meeting or volunteer for a campaign,...City Councilman Milk just knew that he benefited from that control, and therefore never bothered to do anything to inhibit the dangerous cult operating in his city. Instead, he actively aided and abetted a homicidal maniac. It wasn't just local hacks Jones commanded respect from. He held court with future First Lady Rosalyn Carter, vice presidential candidate Walter Mondale, and California Governor Jerry Brown,...A man who killed more African Americans than the Ku Klux Klan was awarded a local Martin Luther King Jr. Humanitarian Award and won the plaudits of California lieutenant governor Mervyn Dymally, state assemblyman Willie Brown, radical academic Angela Davis, preacher/politician Jesse jackson, Black Panther leader Huey Newton, and other African American activists."
Some things never change around here. Have you seen Sean Penn as Harvey Milk yet? Neither have I. Why not? I've got a feeling it's a whitewash of the Democrat's history.
"Alan Scherr was an art professor with a comfortable life in the Maryland suburbs, but he spent 25 years studying Transcendental Meditation in a quest for something more. The search took him and his family to Virginia's Blue Ridge Mountains, where they shed their old life in Silver Spring and meditated in the complex of a New Age mystic."
Um, all I'll say is this tale ended recently - in Mumbai, India - and it didn't turn out very NewAge-y or peaceful,..
"The most obvious and embarrassing explanation is taboo and blasphemous: That [Barack Obama] is a masterful politician who never has had any real ideology or persona other than his own diversity story and history, youth, and charisma that together allow him to be whatever is politically expedient at the time."
Now y'all hush with all dat hand-wringin': dat dere White Man said it, I didn't! I'm still trippin' 'cause he da president-elect and don't look nothin' like them dead mens on da dollar bills!!
"Here in Scranton, Pennsylvania, where I’m spending my holiday and where there is always lots to be thankful for, this commercial for a Barack Obama commemorative plate has been airing constantly on television. My in-laws (life-long Democrats) and I were already laughing out loud by the time the announcer says 'his confident smile and kind eyes are an inspiration to us all.' Seriously, that’s what it actually says. Operators are standing by."
Yea Buddy, we're all "standing by",...waiting for our fucking blowjobs from these latest "operators"!
"Alot of my patients are fed up with drugs. They’re tired of having no choice but to take a pill for every problem. They ask me, 'Can’t we try something more natural first?'
I got my M. D. 25 years ago. And since then, I’ve prescribed a lot of drugs. I’ve also studied homeopathy and nutrition, so I can give my patients something more natural."
And then this M.D. hands them a duck that will gently quack them to sleep,...forever. Nice cartoon boobs, huh? All natural.
"Homeopathy. I suspect that people who take such remedies believe they are being scientific."
And your dumb ass (and I'm being nice here, in case I can get a blowjob out of it:) referring to homeopathic preparations - as "remedies" - has absolutely nothing to do with this fucked-up situation, right? Do you people see what I'm up against? Damn it, instead of that bitch looking at a lousy slide of water, I could be getting a blowjob right now!
"So maybe you can’t afford health insurance. Even if you can, maybe you just don’t like going to the doctor all the time. In 21st-century America, there are plenty of alternatives to the 15-minute appointment, followed by the whopper bill.
In coming weeks, they will appear in this column.
To take them in historical order, we’ll start with homeopathy,..."
I got this bit from a San Francisco newspaper I "recycled" from a trash can - then I violently threw it back in, so someone else could "recycle" it. Have you seen the sales stats for newspapers lately? They're practically homeopathic!
Why, Mrs. Robinson, I think you're trying to seduce me!
"Does this legacy qualify George Bush for Mount Rushmore? Probably not. But it does promise the 43rd president a gentler treatment from history than he has received from his contemporaries."
"We believe that -- 'we' means the political elite -- that all cultures are equal. I believe this is the biggest disease today facing Europe. . . . We should wake up and tell ourselves: You're not a xenophobe, you're not a racist, you're not a crazy guy if you say, 'My culture is better than yours.' A culture based on Christianity, Judaism, humanism is better. Look at how we treat women, look at how we treat apostates, look at how we go with the separation of church and state. I can give you 500 examples why our culture is better."
And never once would he have to mention homeopathy,...
"70 percent of all blacks said that they voted for [Prop. 8]. But 75 percent of black women did. There weren’t enough black men in the survey to provide a reliable percentage for them."
'Cause, as long as we gettin' blowjobs, nigga, we just ain't givin' a fuck!!! (Yes: that is the best Hip-Hop voice I can muster at the moment because - as I'm writing this - I'm consumed with getting a blowjob,...)
Whoa - this is bad - so here's two final quotes I lifted this week from Little Green Footballs:
"If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free."
Rosie O'Donnell thinks John Edwards has suffered more than Elizabeth Edwards.
Whoopi Goldberg is a trip. 
Yowsa! 
Unless, of course again, you consider that all of these so-called "celebrities" being foisted on us (or who have, otherwise, wormed their way into our lives somehow) are NewAgers - and then the fact any of these people are on American television in the 21st century becomes really mind-boggling. Oh, fuck it:
"Over and over again, beyond the point of ridiculousness, it seems their mindless action is in pursuit of something."
"Some yoga studios have made the techniques more palatable for Christians by removing the chanting and associations to eastern religions, namely Hinduism and its multiple deities."
"'I know you're here to assess how crazy I am.' 
"Neurotic people are not just unhappy, they're expensive."
"The best advice is to recognize it and don't trust. Don't make yourself vulnerable."
Madonna's weird Kabbalah demands broke up her marriage to Guy Ritchie, and now it looks like they're breaking up whatever she's got going on with Jesus Luz. When will she learn? 
Novelist Anne Rice is leaving Christianity. As far as I know, didn't one Christian on the planet know she shared their faith, so they also don't care if she leaves. When will she learn?
Shirley Sherrod now says she's going to sue Andrew Breitbart because, let's face it, she's pissed about whatever happened to her that nobody can really explain. When will she learn?
And Cyndi Lauper is still suffering from Bush Derangement Syndrome, anti-Christian bias, and who knows what else she got from Rosie O'Donnell. When will she learn?
"In Jersey City, where I work, was in a mini-panic. Fire alarms pulled, buildings were evacuated. People were running down the streets. I heard it was worse in New York,...My gosh, if Bush did this, Rosie O’Donnell would be laid out prostrate on Broadway right now to protest."
I've got this weekend off, so I'm trying not to blog, but this damn obsessive-compulsive disorder has still got me looking at shit, so - call me weak but, since my NewAge wife ain't around to "take the tension off" on a Sunday, as it were - here's a quick round-up of the weirdness that I think is worth mentioning. (Remember: the red words are links, too.) Let's start off with:
Whoa - this is bad - so here's two final quotes I lifted this week from Little Green Footballs:
And - hello! - there's also this:
Blowjob.
