"You're Going To Love My Nuts!" - Vince Shlomi

"Gawker has laid hands on the ShamWow guy's 2004 lawsuit against the Church of Scientology, and it's good! He accused the cult of infiltrating his food-chopper business and stealing it from him.

ShamWow pitchman Vince Shlomi, who was arrested last month because a hooker who allegedly bit him on the tongue and he pummeled the shit out of her, became a Scientologist in 1982. According to his 2004 lawsuit against the cult (read the full lawsuit here), the Scientology was part of a conspiracy to steal his successful food-chopper business from him."

-- John Cook, with a Scientology story that, unlike the others, is cracking us up so much, all we can say is "SHAM-WOW! - check out that hooker! - in Gawker.