Sunday, January 13, 2013

I Have No Idea What Hippies Were Rebelling Against (When They Had Drugs For Great Moments Like This)

Try to imagine her as the "girl of the past" in Stevie Wonder's Too High:

Post-modern overdosing, making the stomach squeal, knowing it has to come out.

Hey, Lawrence Welk started it! Consider it payback - I never got a warning on where that "modern spiritual" was going or coming from - but I do remember the claustrophobia of Lawrence Welk's (and Billy Graham's) era - I was born in 1961 - so it's not that weird for me to see it today as who we are, even though it can be kinda surreal, considering who are are NOW:

                                          Some bad stuff's gotten mixed up with the good.

According to Wikipedia, "despite the emergence of rock and roll, 'Calcutta' reached number 1 on the U.S. pop charts in 1961; it was recorded in only one take. The tune knocked the Shirelles' 'Will You Love Me Tomorrow' out of the #1 position, and it kept the Miracles' 'Shop Around' from becoming the group's first #1 hit, holding their recording at #2."

                    Here comes the groaning, and then the churning, twisting pain from below.

For a number of reasons (One take?) I would've thought they've gotta be high! O.K., maybe not:

Better lay down for a while, fast, before any loss of equilibrium.

Remember screaming, "Mama, there's black people on TV!"? Incredible. 

And no wonder there could ever be a Lawrence/Smoky competition when - if you consider what Welk was selling - The Miracles were practically pushing the same conservative product, just with crazy choreography. 

Too late - running for the toilet - because here it comes!   

Alright, try this riff - and check the Quentin Tarentino impression:

In the first Welk video, at the top, that guy later becomes Stevie Wonder's widowed drug addict, and he's lamenting having married the dead girl he now watches himself singing with in old videos, the bitter result of having naively taken his momma's advice to "shop around".

Pretty good, huh?

Gagging now, tasting it, drinking a little so as not to forget.

Kind of an Amy Winehouse thing, but from the other fruitcake's point of view. Maybe add in a cautionary tale-type message, like if you don't save your money - and you don't die of drugs tomorrow - you won't have enough. Or something.

I don't know. What do you think?

Whatever it is: BAM! That could be a TV show! (I kid.)

Alright, splash the face with water. Wash the mouth. Comb the hair.

Silly mortals. We Americans have come a long way, and - because we're essentially the world's guinea pigs for crawling into the unknown - I've come to the conclusion that we're going to always be waaay ahead of the pack. I know it's dangerous but I've been thinking, and - while being born still isn't the big event that sends chills of joy down my spine - I have to admit, despite my complaints, I'm not bothered by the times I've been living through.

I mean, I got here after garters and before AIDS - lucky,...:

Adjust the tie - wipe the brow again - try to look presentable.

In considering our times, I also have reached the conclusion that we - the Americans - haven't been around long enough to be labeled "evil" yet. Compared to others, we were never a bad people, just a little crazy and impulsive, and to suggest otherwise is a lie. Whoever it is or was saying it, it's a lie:

Walk out, elegantly glide to a back room, and let the head hit the pillow with a "thud".

I, for one, will never be ashamed of who we've been.

It'll be fine later, but for now, just sleep whatever it is off,...


  1. That does explain my dad's statement about the Lawrence Welk show being 'Octoberfest on quaaludes' rather well.

    America, fuck yeah. Nobody can imitate, nor handle, our special brand of out there; it's one of our best features, a strength of enormous proportions.