Saturday, July 4, 2009

The Very Picture Of Normalcy

Fuck: I got tired and fell asleep in front of the computer - after posting this, practically in my sleep, in an incomplete form - without many links, or decent editing, and shit. (Try finding the tags, below the post, for the various names and incidents I mention, like Saul Alinsky.) I fixed the post up a bit, once I woke up, but I'll have to link it up later. Sorry: I'm tired, Kids, trying to make that big money to pull myself out of debt finally - but I'm almost there. Apologies, and a Happy 4th to you all.

It's the Forth of July!!!! Happy American Independence Day everybody!!! We're not a part of Europe!!! Hip-Hop-Hooray!!!

I was going to drop this whole France thing and get back to normal - reading up on the latest examples of cultism and posting them with a comment - but, then, the first thing I came across is The Advice Goddess' take on Lisa Schiffren's France piece in the National Review Online. The Goddess and I are cool, having shared a few nice words a while back, but some snark named Maggie45 had to get involved, with a comment about my Schiffren post, and got my dander up:

"The guy mentions his French ex-wife, which seems to be the underlying reason for the post. Look at my photos from our meal at L'Ami Jean. Not quite in keeping with sour man's appraisal. He should have married more carefully."

My "French ex-wife"? That's it, Maggie?

Nothing about those three dead bodies she produced from believing - as 40% of the french, and too many Americans do - in that "harmless" homeopathy, sold in "healthy" and "progressive" establishments (like Whole Foods) around the world?

Nothing about her adultery (another french favorite, though The Goddess says "there is a line that gets crossed -- in any culture" when discussing Mark Sanford's affair,...I imagine because he's a conservative.) and not one word about my mere "French ex-wife" also being a diehard NewAger?

Nope, like everyone else in NewAge Land, it's LOSING MY WOMAN - and nothing more - that's the key to my ravings, as far as kind-hearted Maggie is concerned.

I heard it from my friends, the police, doctors, mental health professionals, scientists, and even my own divorce lawyer - you name it - until the french police called to say my mere "French ex-wife" and her homeopath had killed two more people - after disposing of her own mother.

Then all those know-it-alls, like Maggie, scattered, because they couldn't look the macho man in the eye.

Sorry, Maggie Ol' Girl, and major apologies to The Advice Goddess (you know I love you) but - without removing my pants - I'm going to have to "rock your world" with The Macho Response:

The Advice Goddess gets it first:

"NRO's Lisa Schiffren is kind of an idiot on what to eat in France, and in her assumption that the French 'don't much like children' (couldn't be farther from the truth). She posts with abandon -- apparently without making any effort to understand or investigate French culture -- and doesn't get that children are not catered to in France, but expected to act like little adults if they're in adult places like restaurants."

Excuse me but (as I've been saying over and over) I've been traveling, and living, all over France for 20-fucking-years - with my "French ex-wife". I'm not talking about The Advice Goddess' little trip to Paris "with Gregg" 6 years ago, but almost half of my life in Paris, Lourdes, Toulouse, Biarritz, the Basque Country, Strasbourg, Lyon, Aix-en-Provence, Cannes, Marseille, St.Tropez, Pau, Alsace, and countless little villages that I don't care if I ever see again - and you couldn't be more wrong - you're buying their bullshit:

Kids are fucking kids, the world over, and I've spent more than my share of meals with embarrassed french parents as their fucking brats terrorized a meal because their pathetic, liberal, overseers refused to do anything more than repeatedly say "La! La!" ("Stop! Stop!") to the out-of-control little shitbags that they loooovvvve so much.

Back to The Goddess:

"[Schiffren] complains that restaurants are only open at certain times. What times? Meal times! That's because the French tend to eat meals...they don't walk the streets shoving Cheetos in their snoots all day. Doesn't work for you? Easy answer: Stay in Cleveland!"

Listen, Good Lookin', I'll take Cleveland (or even the Third World) over anywhere in France any day - and I'll offer you a challenge in return:

You like France so much? Go live there!

I've got an American girlfriend, from a french family, who speaks fluent french. This blog got started when my friends and I posted photos of the day she got married to a (rare) cool french guy, and they decided (just as I did) she might as well give living in France a shot. She's from a well-to-do family, so they decided they were going to (what else?) open a restaurant over there. Hooray!!!

Knowing I lived in France often, she asked for my opinion of the idea. I told her not to do it:

"It's Hell.", I said. "They'll drive you mad with their bullshit. Easily one of the most inconvenient, and frustrating, experiences you can imagine - and I've stayed in the Philippines: Don't do it."

Of course, like Maggie45, she pooh-poohed my words as one "sour man's appraisal" and moved there anyway.

Flash-forward three months, to the day I get a phone call from her, crying, begging me for more advice on what to do. "What's wrong?", I asked, sure I knew what I was about to hear.

"It's been so hard! The bureaucracy is massive, the paperwork never ends, and the red tape is overwhelming - and we've had to pay bribes to everyone! I hate this!"

"Now, now", I said, "I told you when you left that starting a restaurant was going to be difficult in France, right?"

That's when she sobbed, "Restaurant? I'm talking about getting an apartment!"

She is now opening her restaurant, with her french husband, in Houston, Texas.

Go, Goddess, for maybe two or three years - enjoy - with my blessing.

You've already noticed the french are "socialist nitwits", so all you've got to learn is what that really means, and an extended stay - where, all of a sudden, you have to rely on those nitwits - is just the cure for what doesn't ail you in America. If you've got any sense, you'll be kissing the ground - and using the American flag as a sex toy - when you get back.

Y'all can read the rest of The Advice Goddess' bullshit column for yourself. It's full of the usual blather about "Paris", like that one postcard city can tell you anything about living in a nation of 65,073,482 "socialist nitwits".

I want to get to this Maggie person because she's the one who's really got me ready to scratch my NewAge itch:

I "should have married more carefully", huh, Mags? Maybe, but considering the fact that all the things my "French ex-wife" is into are promoted by the french - and, in the case of NewAge beliefs, primarily by women across the Western World - it's kinda hard for a normal "macho" guy to know what he's gonna get these days:

Like a lot of guys, I wasn't looking for a great beauty or anything, I just wanted somebody "nice", and, golly gee, people with NewAge beliefs - and/or, like Mark Sanford, who indulge in any other kind of "spiritual" nonsense - sure can come off "nice" on the surface. It's when I get a deeper look at them that they get me smiling:

Oprah Winfrey - known as one of America's leading moral authorities - nailed in Newsweek Magazine for spreading disinformation, and quackery, to almost the entire populace of the United States. A real sweetheart, she's giving "America's favorite doctor", Mehmet Oz, his own TV show, too - without ever mentioning he's so "out there" he's married to a Reiki cultist.

I hear Oprah's also giving a show to that NewAge vampire, Suzanne Somers. That would be the same dingbat from Three's Company who tried to talk Christina Applegate out of her cancer treatments, in favor of some quack nonsense with herbs and shit, so, you know, Christina could die, like Farrah Fawcett, on live TV or something.

Because, you know, Suzanne Somers cares sooooo much.

Oprah also has that anti-vaccine porno-nutjob, Jenny McCarthy, slated for her close-up with the small screen. McCarthy, along with her now-NewAge boyfriend, Jim Carrey, are both being blamed by scientists and real doctors for bringing back a whole slew of curable childhood diseases with their loony paranoia. Why, you couldn't ask for two more generous souls to achieve further fame from that fat/skinny black bitch with the talk show.

She's so niiiiiiice.

I already mentioned Oprah's pal, "Dr." Deepak Chopra, and his attempt to pull the wool over the eyes of the Journal of the American Medical Association. Somehow, Michael Jackson drops dead under mysterious circumstances, and his punk ass pops up in an interview along with that spoon-bending charlatan, Uri Gellar - and nobody says shit about "The King of Pop"'s life - like Princess Diana's - surrounded by a bunch of psychic, cultish, adulterous and homeopathic liars (Hi, Prince Charles!) who couldn't be trusted as far as you could throw them. No - wait - those were Michael's "friends". You know:

The kind of committed life-long buddies who never decided they were going to put their foot down and demand that poor, troubled man stop destroying his face.

They were too "nice" for anything like that.

Bill Clinton hangs out with that "nice" guy, and cult leader, Ken Wilber - and he made a shit load of money going on tour with Mr. Motivation, Tony Robbins. "Saint Hillary" Clinton uses that psychic, Jean Houston, as a hidden emotional life raft. Rhonda Byrne's got The Secret - thanks to Oprah and Ellen - and, boy, I betcha the people who bought into that crap could sure use that money back during this recession, huh?

I guess, according to "The Law of Attraction", they brought it onto themselves,...PBS' major donor, Louise Hay, thinks so - she's so "nice".

Madonna is adopting black babies from Africa - and, in return, she's built a Kabbalah school there, demanding African children become confused as all get-out by the wonders of Numerology. (That "nice" belief system that got every thinking black person to clear the Washington Mall once Louis Farrakhan started spouting it during The Million Man March.)

Madge's Kabbalah "teachings" are so good for growing children. Why, as an example of how good Kabbalah is - as part of a well-rounded education - it once drove the "Sex" lady to start demanding countries put her Kabbalah water in the world's nuclear reactors.

Man, those kids in Africa got it good.

Are you getting the BIG picture, here, Maggie? Losing my "French ex-wife" ain't "the underlying reason" for my beef with the world:

My "French ex-wife" is lost to a world of silly, shallow, easily-fooled real-man-hating NewAgers, like you, who will sit in a pile of shit and call it gold because it gives them a warm feeling.

Without having ever met you, I'd put money on it that you voted for Barack Obama - the man who, like Hillary Clinton, studied Saul Alinsky's Satan-dedicated community organizing methods - because only such an idiot can believe a guy who forced poor blacks to endure a freezing Chicago winter would be worthy of being in charge of The Greatest Nation On Earth - or what your beloved frogs refer to as "The New World".

Even Rush Limbaugh was promoting Zicam, so now a bunch of people can't smell ever again because someone they really trusted led them astray (Can you imagine?). Al Gore and Sting are Global Warming hypocrites who, still, can't prove anything more than "climate change" is occurring - as they, and Obama, demand we go bankrupt to "fix" the weather. My movies and music are filled with Scientologists like Tom Cruise, John Travolta (may his son RIP) and John Denver and Beck. The Seeds were led by a cultist.

Politicians, like Jane Harmon, are either yoga nuts, alternative medicine nuts (Tom Harkin) or, like Dennis Kucinich, just plain nuts. Even science has abandoned us to NewAge.

You're all fucking mad. My wife, the "French ex-wife" - who I still love - killed three people, including her own mother, after one of these NewAge "water salesmen" took advantage of her sexually through convincing her that "water is medicine" and she had "powers" that she "underestimated" - in this insanely NewAge cultural environment - and you have the nerve to think you, with your petty pop psychology, have deduced "the underlying reason for the post"?

Lady, you (and, pretty much, everybody else) don't understand anything - about me, France, or the pathetically decrepit "spiritual" world of whole hog, media biased, feminist-inspired, NewAge France-loving/America-hating lying, straight from The New York Times/MSNBC mumbo-jumbo factory we live in. My marriage never stood a chance.

My life, such as it is, doesn't stand a chance:

I am a man. I am The man. A black man. I am Black Lightening. And I'm, still, fighting to keep my head on straight where others have lost theirs to cultish thinking. But you've got to understand:

Murder and divorce, along with a mega-dose of the world's mystic mayhem, can do this to anybody.

And that, Mrs Maggie45, is the "real underlying reason" for what I do. But a person like you would never, ever, ever recognize me for what I really am in this world - which is:

Probably the only really "nice" person you'll know.


Hey, Advice Goddess, we should get together sometime - you're kinda cute, and still alright by me - but (fair warning:) I ain't going nowhere with that fucking Gregg.

His dumb ass can stay home and ponder the immortal words:


  1. I am loving this page more and more with every passing day.

  2. WHOA!! Please, get your quotes straight!

    Here are the comments by me and Amy about your post at Amy's place:

    LOL I was reading that post by Lisa Schiffren, and immediately thought "OMG, I wonder if Amy will see this!" I shoulda known. LOL.

    Here's a guy who agrees with her:

    Posted by: Maggie45 at July 2, 2009 1:58 PM

    The guy mentions his French ex-wife, which seems to be the underlying reason for the post. Look at my photos from our meal at L'Ami Jean. Not quite in keeping with sour man's appraisal. He should have married more carefully.

    Posted by: Amy Alkon at July 2, 2009 2:32 PM

    I've been looking at your photos of French food for a couple of years now, and vowing to myself that I'm going to get over there one day before I die. I do hope that fellow gets over the resentment he is carrying for his former wife.

    I also like Nina Camic's blog. Lots of posts and photos of food, in Europe and also here in the US. She's a professor at U of W with Althouse.

    Posted by: Maggie45 at July 2, 2009 3:13 PM

    As you can see, the only thing I said about you and your former wife is that I hope that you can get over the resentment you carry for her. I truly mean that, as one whose life has been negatively affected by carrying resentments myself.

    This misunderstanding is ironic, as I actually hold the same views as you do on Oprah, Obama, New Age crap, homeopathy etc etc etc. It's funny because I actually moved to the town where I live now because at that time I was into all of that craziness, and to me this town was New Age Heaven. A series of experiences, which I won't bore you with now, showed me just how soul robbing that ugliness is. However, the experiences led me back to God.

    I can't remember how I found your site; I know it was a link, and I started exploring and put you as number one on my bookmark bar since I found it so interesting. It was rather disconcerting just now to see my name associated with a quote that was not make by me. So, Macho, will you please take my name off of that quote, as it was not I who said it. Thank you.

  3. "As you can see, the only thing I said about you and your former wife is that I hope that you can get over the resentment you carry for her."

    Typical. And a universally feminine attitude, since all of the sisterhood knows it must set up the forgiveness before the offense.

    The French however say:

    "La vengeance est un plat qui se mange trois fois."

    And they ain't talkin' goose liver.

  4. Nothing about those three dead bodies she produced from believing - as 40% of the french, and too many Americans do - in that "harmless" homeopathy, sold in "healthy" and "progressive" establishments (like Whole Foods) around the world?

    Nothing about her adultery (another french favorite, though The Goddess says "there is a line that gets crossed -- in any culture" when discussing Mark Sanford's affair,...I imagine because he's a conservative.) and not one word about my mere "French ex-wife" also being a diehard NewAger?


    That's probably because there was NOTHING ABOUT ANY THIS STUFF IN YOUR POST ON FRENCH FOOD

    But of course as the typical, narcissistic, self-absorbed, American infant-trapped-in-a-grown-man's-body that you are, you expect each and every person who comments on anything you write to read the other 6,999 posts first for context, and immediately throw a hissy fit when they don't.

    Newsflash : Not everyone is as obsessed with your personal tale of woe, as you are.

    Grow a pair and grow up, already.

  5. Dear Brad (always liked the name Brad: sounds kinda faggie, like "Warren"),

    Thank you so much for letting me know that my concern over three murders make me a "narcissistic, self-absorbed, American infant-trapped-in-a-grown-man's-body" - I thought I was merely a good person with an idea of right and wrong and a healthy sense of outrage.

    And for the record, I'm only up to around post number 4,000.

    As much as I'd like to "Grow a pair and grow up, already", the murderers aren't in prison, yet, so whether the heartless bastards you refer to as "everyone" - when you really mean pricks like you - are "as obsessed with your personal tale of woe, as you are' or not, I'ma keep banging these pots and pans together, screaming "REDRUM, REDRUM!!!" until you're capable of paying attention to something other than yourselves. You know:

    Like narcissistic, self-absorbed, American infants.

    Please go back to something more important now, like French food, American Idol and wondering if Michael Jackson was gay.