New Age Promise: There Will Be No Left-Overs

This year, before the across-the-table, politically-partisan, intra-family laughter begins, TMR would like to give thanks for the slim-and-trim NewAgers who will be attending as the butt of our jokes.

After having provided us fatties with a year's worth of non-stop entertainment by ignoring the obvious (NewAge "thinking" is stupidity writ large) and going for it anyway, we want to remind NewAgers we tried to stop them for a long, long time, but it was they who insisted on going down this "path":

Houdini died of peritonitis in 1926, at the crest of his fame. Yet long after that final disappearance, he inspired works by a slew of painters and sculptors....Still, Houdini’s most valuable legacy is not for artists or magicians like Penn and Teller, James Randi, and David Copperfield, who do their own great escapes, obviously influenced by the Master. It is for the credulous public.

Throughout his professional life, Houdini had no illusions about his talent. He always assured onlookers that no matter how miraculous his tricks appeared to be, they were actually earthbound, consisting of muscular contortions, lock-picking skills, inventive gimmicks, and misdirection. He did his best to expose charlatans who claimed that their magic came from occult sources. One of his colorful posters is succinct: DO SPIRITS RETURN? HOUDINI SAYS NO—AND PROVES IT. In an epoch when programs like Paranormal State and Psychic Kids are watched by millions of naive viewers, healthy skepticism is in short supply.

Yes, Sir. Since 1926.

By 2010, for waaay too many believers, black was white, up was down, left was right, and there was nothing - absolutely nothing - anyone could say to change their minds, because (as we personally discovered) NewAgers had ruthlessly self-programmed themselves to "change" only the politics of others:

It seems that whenever you hear about a "rightwing" hate crime nowadays, it turns out the the perpetrator turns out to be a leftwinger...much to the disappointment of liberals who continue to maintain the fiction about a violent Tea Party movement.

This was, of course, predicted by the former KGB agent, Yuri Bezmenov, after the Soviet Union sent him to study the (now very-popular) effects of yoga and meditation on the American Left. He was very clear about what they were up to - and how these contradictions would manifest themselves now:



So today, just as he said, we've been blessed with the spectacle of idiots calling Sarah Palin stupid, while giving balls-to-the-wall support to Oprah's "brilliant" choice for president who (surprise!) can't seem to do even the simplest things correctly.

And let's not forget, all this comes after 8 years of the Left being repeatedly outsmarted by a president NewAgers insisted barely possessed the brains of a "chimp".

Good times.

Yes, for all their self-implanted mantras about their own self-awareness, and the billions they've spent on Self-Help (which, for any thinking person, would be a clear sign of a problem) it's self-reflection that's so obviously in short supply, one can't help but be laughably appreciative of their efforts to look brainy when, quite obviously, their brains are the only thing they haven't been taking much care in stretching - while the rest of us were growing our guts.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

All that time at the yoga studio has really paid off:

This year, you insure that every American table you grace has at least two turkeys for us to feast on.

Now let the laughter begin.