Saturday, February 5, 2011

"INSTAPORNDIT" HAS ARRIVED!!! (Now Don't Everybody Crowd Or You Might Scare The Girls)

Yes, that photo above does say "Gods". Where do you think you are? We don't miss a trick (Nudge, nudge, wink, wink!) This is an emergency strategy to get the numbers up - clearly a desperate move to find more readers - so prepare yourselves for TMR's new mash-up of Instapundit and softcore porn, which we call:


O.K., we know there's no one you can trust, but, other than her girlfriend, Gayle, is there anyone else who's black in Oprah's universe?

We discovered - just this morning - we're a fake man (that was told to us by a real man, of course, seen above) but we know it's not true because we eat meat. And usually with a side-dish of meat. We even eat meat oatmeal. Fuck, we looove meat oatmeal, mixed with the entrails of small illegal immigrant children - who should've been sent back home a long time ago, but nooooo! Top that, Mr. You Should Be Nicer To People.

Brazil wants to add "happiness" to their constitution. And they wonder why nobody takes them seriously.

Have you heard about the "tree octopus"? If you have, you're probably an idiot.

You wanna know why the nutcase who shot John Lennon was carrying a copy of J.D. Salinger's Catcher In The Rye? Well, figure it out, genius:
As an adult [Salinger's daughter] Peggy was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, whereupon her insurance company disputed the diagnosis and stopped her disability payments. At the time, she was losing control of her bowels and bladder and feared she'd end up destitute and unable to care for herself. She phoned her father to tell him so. "A week or two later," she writes, "something arrived in the mail. He had taken out a three-year subscription, in my name, to a monthly booklet of testimonials to miraculous healing put out by the Christian Science Church. … I would get well when I stopped believing in the 'illusion' of my sickness."
And, apparently, the Jazz great, Stan Kenton, also had some problems adjusting to the fatherly role as well:
Onstage, though, Kenton seemed far from a wild-eyed avant-gardist; his manner was buttoned down and conservative. He never appeared in less than a suit and tie and conducted himself like a combination of college professor and church leader. Early in Michael Sparke's "This Is an Orchestra!," a study of the man and his band published last year, the author quotes arranger Charlie Shirley, who calls Kenton "one of the straightest men I've ever met. Dedicated, clean, sober." Certainly bebop legend Art Pepper—a star of several Kenton orchestras who wrote a powerful memoir of his years as a junkie—perceived a world of difference between himself and his employer.

Yet "Love Affair"—a harrowing and intimate memoir by Kenton's daughter, Leslie—now reveals that he and Pepper were more alike than anyone realized. Mr. Sparke mentions that Kenton abused alcohol in later life; Ms. Kenton depicts her father as a lifelong alcoholic and such a troubled soul that you wonder at times how he could hold himself together well enough to keep his band going. Most shockingly, Ms. Kenton asserts that their own relationship was, for a time, incestuous.

Ms. Kenton's book is a fall-and-rise "recovery" memoir in the tradition of Lillian Roth's "I'll Cry Tomorrow" (1954). She worshipped her father in spite of his apparent shortcomings, and they bonded over a shared love of art and music. The tone she takes toward her father is one of forgiveness rather than accusation, and often the book reads like the tale of a taboo liaison (it's worth noting that she titled it "Love Affair," not "Daddy Dearest"). But keep in mind she was only 11 when, she says, he first forced himself on her, and only 13 when they broke the physical "affair" off.

Ms Kenton maintains that she and her father never stopped caring about each other, and she even seems to shield him from blame, claiming he suffered from dissociative identity disorder and portraying him as dominated by his controlling mother. Because Kenton had divorced Leslie's mother, her grandmother played an outsize role in her life as well. At one point, Ms. Kenton charges, her grandmother sent her off to a sanitarium without reason. On another occasion, she pushed her 10-year-old granddaughter to play "dress up" with a pair of creepy cross-dressers backstage at a theater in New York.
Ahhh, yes. According to liberals, the girl was just getting a proper education for the kind of world (and childhood upbringing) they want to introduce to everyone - free of constraints and your silly assumptions about parents and grandparents protecting kids from the likes of "creepy cross-dressers".

Now where in the world could they have gotten that idea from?


  1. "Instaporndit" is unnecessary as real porn is pretty easy to find on the internet.

    That said, there's no such thing as too much T & A.

    So keep up the good work.

  2. A cry for help. (And more Kleenex.)