Thursday, September 30, 2010

A Tea Party Lesson: Driving Your Car Into A Ditch Shouldn't Mean Anybody Gets A Slurpie

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So, now the President and Vice-President - who NewAge liberals (AKA "Progressives") elected - are also calling NewAge liberals a bunch of unmotivated stupid whiners. I'm cool with that. Very cool.

It's better than NewAge liberals telling me I'm wrong.

Of course, being a backyard conservative and doing The Macho Response, I think constantly yelling the phrase "You're stupid!" back at NewAge liberals works best. But - being a patriot, a leader, and, well, just someone - I'd also like to suggest the president and vice-president might try getting the troops motivated with what's worked so well before:

A little meditation, maybe some acupuncture - or even an offer for a rejuvenation getaway - all paid for by ObamaCare!

They could code name the program "spiritual warfare" (because that's what it is) and then - once they get Oprah on board - well, it should be pretty smooth sailing from there.

Except for one little problem:

None of that crap will ever convince the rest of us you bozos know how to govern.

Regrets? I've Had A Few,...(Like Being Born)

Frank Zappa told you - that you should've bought your kids a higher standard of music - but you didn't listen.

Instead, you bought 'em stuff that was lewd and stupid, and when they grew up to be lewd and stupid, you at least had the good sense to act surprised.

But now you also wish you had at least bought that "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" album for the kids, when you had the chance, don't you? Don't you?

You'll never know, but that could've been just the thing that would've got you all back to singing together as a family again.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

They Even Picked "Fools For Christ" Themselves

Now that it's settled and everything, that atheists know more about religion than believers, The Christian Science Monitor wants to know "is that bad?"

To which I'll reply, Hell yea, it's bad. Really bad.

It seems the rest of y'all don't know what you believe.

And what does that say about the really devout?

Believe me, you truly don't want to know,...

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Bow Your Head - Close Your Eyes - And Prey

Gee, looky:

Atheists know more about religion than believers.

And it's been discovered that it's such social influences, rather than politics, that affect us more.

But - being believers - most don't/can't write knowledgeably about such things.

Even though it's the subject that's screwing us up the most.

With evidence of that fact - evidence of all kinds - left everywhere.

Especially the dead and injured believers leave behind.

Which believers can't/don't see - or want you to see.

Because they're not atheists.

The lone witnesses to Hell on Earth.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Barbara Boxer Doesn't Care About Broke People

This is the kind of sentence that can't help but drive home how irresponsibly slow The Left Coast's been:
"The incumbent, Democrat Barbara Boxer, has failed to distinguish herself during her 18 years in office."
Yea, hilarious, huh? Does it remind you, too, of Kanye West's second verse of "Golddigger" - not the first, when he mentions women consulting psychics, but this one:
18 years
18 years
She got one of yo' kids
got you for 18 years

I know somebody payin' child support
for one of his kids
His baby momma's car crib
is bigger than his
You will see him on TV
any given Sunday
Win the Superbowl
and drive off in a Hyundai

She was supposed to buy ya shorty
Tyco with ya money
She went to the doctor
got lipo with ya money
She walkin' around lookin' like Michael
with ya money
Shoulda' got that insured
got GEICO for ya money

If you ain't no punk holla' we want pre-nup
It's something that you need to have
'Cause when she leave yo' ass
she gon' leave with half

18 years
18 years
And on her 18th birthday
he found out it wasn't his?
Yea, well, considering who the "Daddy" is - Good Ol' Burning Man - I guess we shouldn't be surprised:

California's dumb ass was bound to get played by somebody.

Stunned - By The Truth (He's A Socialist)

My goodness, Bill Maher just rolled right over, when faced with Andrew Breitbart. No fighting, no excuses, no nothin' - just a stunned look (caught!) and then he gives it up. Hell, I hope all liberals are this easy:

We might not have to waterboard them after all,...

Hat Tip: NewsBusters

Saturday, September 25, 2010

As Of Now I'm 100% Completely Off-The-Hook

Imagine you're a Nazi.

No - imagine you're part of a Nazi couple.

Then you discover, actually, you're both Jewish.

That's gotta suck, huh?

Well, maybe not so much; I mean, you were Nazis:
"I'm not saying that I don't have regrets but it's not something that I walk around and lash myself over... I feel sorry for those that I beat up but I don't hold a grudge against myself."
See how easy that was?

That guy will never use that arm again. But me? I'm fine.

That attitude, that ruthlessness - and a fetish for clothes - are apparently all it takes,.... navigate the NewAge (of course).

Say it with me:
"I'm not saying that I don't have regrets but it's not something that I walk around and lash myself over... I feel sorry for those that I beat up but I don't hold a grudge against myself."
Ain't that fucking cool?

Today, almost anybody can explain away almost anything, using that one line.

All they've got to do is believe it. If they believe it, they can sell it.

And they'd better believe it.

Because - honestly - that's probably the biggest bunch of bullshit I've heard used in a long, long time.

It's Like Having Writer's Block (You Don't Write)

Stephen Colbert was carted out to distract you.

He did a good job.

It's all an act.

Because the reality is so frighteningly brutal.

Good ideas are out there but nobody gives a damn about your good ideas.

Girls just wanna have fun, right?

You're gonna be a Burning Man?



They got you.

They got you so bad.