Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Tanku Varadarajan: Your Fly's (Still) Wide Open

This is a classic:

My day started off with a huge laugh, as I read Tunku Varadarajan's hilarious column on Barack Obama's loss of sex appeal, but my laughter was at Varadarajan - not Obama - because the man (and I use the term lightly here) makes so many comments that are un-manly I can't help but picture him as a gay guy in leather chaps thinking he's being masculine. He says Obama:
...leaves America without a single politician of stature with any sex appeal at all. It’s enough to make one weep.
Awww, poor Tanku, left without one power-broker that he can masturbate to at night. The big fag.

He goes on and on about how women reacted to Obama's candidacy - like Tanku was their gay boyfriend - making it clear he got off on it as much as they did. What straight male would do that? What happened to the reaction I shared with Joe Jackson:

"Is she really going out with him?
Is she really going to take him home tonight?
Is she really going out with him?
Well if my eyes don't deceive me there's something going wrong around here."

I remember once, during the election, I heard this ugly woman talking to her equally-ugly daughter about Barack, saying, "Finally, I'm going to be able to vote for a handsome president!" and all I could think was, yea, a man who'd never look at you.

I mean, all this talk of sex - over a man who, to real men, was a loser from the very start? It just goes to show you why following the lead of women, metrosexuals, and gays, is such a waste: they'll drool over anything with a shiny veneer.

There was something about him that was both clean-cut and revolutionary; and it was no doubt electrifying that many millions of American women were so openly adoring of a black man.
"Electrifying"? Again: I can't help but picture poor Tanku with his manhood in his hand, working it furiously. But, I guess, I can't be too surprised: Remember during the election when all those reporters on Barack's plane - male and female - were going crazy over Barack in his MOM jeans? I knew they were crazy then. The same goes for that famous shirtless photo of Barack on the beach - was that lanky hairless visage really an image of masculinity? Or even more compelling evidence of the Left's mass delusion? I voted, emphatically, for the latter.

People have asked me why I'm not interested in having sex these days, and said my constant complaints are "not sexy" (a charge Tanku eventually levels at the post-election Barack as the reward for his failures) but, here, I'll now ask a question in return:

How sexy is anyone who was dumb enough to be turned on by a lamer like Barack Obama?

I mean, how am I supposed to want to have sex with anyone when so many are, not just bad judges of character, but of man-flesh? Women currently make me feel the same way I did about Glenn Beck's religious Tea Party gathering on the mall:

All the important parts are in all the right places - but there ain't shit going on upstairs - and good sex starts in the mind, people.

I'll end this by admitting - whether it's in the world of sensuality or politics - the rest of you strike this black man as a really bad fuck.

Oh, and I think someone should hook Tanku up with Gavin Newsom:

He needs a new boyfriend.


  1. There are so few real men around, when I encounter one, my first thought is that I am hallucinating, like a person dying of thirst who dives into a cool azure pool and comes up with a mouthful of sand.

    Also, Obama is funny looking and unsexy, just like most politicians.

  2. That's funny, because this morning a friend was telling me about his effect on a woman in Hollywood, which sounded identical to what you describe: He and I had just faced down a catastrophe, with intelligence and humor, and it was that approach which caused his friend in Hollywood to do a comparison, between him and the men already around her, and she found those guys wanting - big time - now she's pining for his return.

    Unfortunately, my friend no longer likes Hollywood, so it's doubtful they have a future.

  3. Is the woman locked up in a tower and unable to leave Hollywood? And was your manly friend compelled to climb up her long golden hair in order to reach her?

  4. Really effective material, thanks so much for the post.