Monday, April 21, 2008

And I'm Going To Hell For Counting,...

The following tallies up the number of people God killed in the Bible since Adam and Eve. (To be exact, however, God has actually killed everyone who has ever lived.) Enjoy the chart: the first number is the number of people killed in any one incident. The number after the slash (/) adds up the killings in succession.

Lot's wife for looking back (Gen.19:26,BT) 1/1

Er who was "wicked in the sight of the Lord" (Gen.38:7, BT) 1/2

Onan for spilling his seed (Gen.38:10,BT) 1/3

Pharaoh and 600 chariot captains - plus his entire army (Ex.14:8-26) 601+/604+

Dancing naked around Aaron's golden calf (Ex.32:27-28, 35, BT) 3000/3604+

Aaron's sons for offering strange fire before the Lord (Lev.10:1-3,Num.3:4,26:61, BT) 2/3606+

A blasphemer (Lev.24:10-23,BT) 1/3607+

A man who picked up sticks on the Sabbath (Num.15:32-36, BT) 1/3608+

Korah, Dathan, and Abiram, and their families (Num.16:27,BT) 12+/3620+

Burned to death for offering incense (Num.16:35,26:10, BT) 250/3870+

For complaining (Num.16:49,BT) 14,700/18,570+

For "committing whoredom with the daughters of Moab" (Num.25:9, BT) 24,000/42,570+

Midianite massacre - 32,000 virgins were kept alive (Num.31:1-35,BT) 90,000+/132,570+

God tells Joshua to stone to death Achan, and his family, for taking the accursed thing (Joshua 7:10-12, 24-26, BT) 5+/132,575+

God tells Joshua to attack Ai and do what he did to Jericho - kill everyone (Joshua 8:1-25, BT) 12,000/144,575+

Joshua kills 5 kings and hangs their dead bodies on trees (Joshua 10:24-26, BT) 5/144,580+

God delivered Canaanites and Perizzites (Judges 1:4,BT) 10,000/154,580+

Ehud delivers a message from God: a knife into the king's belly (Jg.3:15-22,BT) 1/154,581+

God delivered Moabites (Jg.3:28-29,BT) 10,000/164,581+

God forces Midianite soldiers to kill each other (Jg.7:2-22,8:10, BT) 120,000/284,581+

The Spirit of the Lord comes on Samson (Jg.14:19, BT) 30/284,611+

The Spirit of the Lord comes mightily on Samson (Jg.15:14-15,BT) 1000/285,611+

Samson's God-assisted act of terrorism (Jg.16:27-30,BT) 3000/288,611+

"The Lord smote Benjamin" (Jg.20:35-37,BT) 25,100/313,711+

More Benjamites (Jg.20:44-46) 25,000/338,711+

For looking into the ark of the Lord (1 Sam.6:19) 50,070/388,781+

God delivered Philistines (1 Sam.14:12) 20/388,801+

Samuel, at God's command, hacks Agag to death (1 Sam.15:32-33) 1/388,802+

"The Lord smote Nabal." (1 Sam.25:38) 1/388,803+

Uzzah for trying to keep the ark from falling (2 Sam.6:6-7,1 Chr.13:9-10) 1/388,804+

David and Bathsheba's baby boy (2 Sam.12:14-18) 1/388,805+

Seven sons of Saul hung up before the Lord (2 Sam.21:6-9) 7/388,812+

From plague as punishment for David's census - men only; probably 200,000 if including women and children (2 Sam.24:13,1 Chr.21:7) 70,000+/458,812+

A prophet for believing another prophet's lie (1 Kg.13:1-24) 1/458,813+

Religious leaders killed in prayer contest (1 Kg.18:22-40) 450/459,263+

God delivers the Syrians into the Israelites' hands (1 Kg.20:28-29) 100,000/559,263+

God makes a wall fall on Syrian soldiers (1 Kg.20:30) 27,000/586,263+

God sent a lion to eat a man for not killing a prophet (1 Kg.20:35-36) 1/586,264+

Ahaziah is killed for talking to the wrong god. (2 Kg.1:2-4, 17, 2 Chr.22:7-9) 1/586,265+

Burned to death by God (2 Kg.1:9-12) 102/586,367+

God sends two bears to kill children for making fun of Elisha's bald head (2 Kg.2:23-24) 42/586,409+

Trampled to death for disbelieving Elijah (2 Kg.7:17-20) 1/586,410+

Jezebel (2 Kg.9:33-37) 1/586,411+
God sent lions to kill "some" foreigners (2 Kg.17:25-26) 3+/586,414+

Sleeping Assyrian soldiers (2 Kg.19:35, 2 Chr.32:21,Is.37:36) 185,000/771,414+

Saul (1 Chr.10:14) 1/771,415+

God delivers Israel into the hands of Judah (2 Chr.13:15-17) 500,000/1,271,415+

Jeroboam (2 Chr.13:20) 1/1,271,416+

"The Lord smote the Ethiopians." (2 Chr.14:9-14) 1,000,000/2,271,416+

God kills Jehoram by making his bowels fall out (2 Chr.21:14-19) 1/2,271,417+

Judean soldiers (2 Chr.28:6) 120,000/2,391,417+

Ezekiel's wife (Ezek.24:15-18) 1/2,391,418+

Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:1-10) 2/2,391,420+

Herod (Acts 12:23,BT) 1/2,391,421+

*Many, many, thanks to Lloyd Francis.

1 comment:

  1. In Christianity it all culminates with God killing his human experience of Himself, and experiencing everything that sucks about being human during His Passion (crucifixion). Christians typically see this as some sort of sacrifice to atone for human sin, but I see it as a God's last effort to not be seen as completely lacking in integrity. How can He judge and expect to be believed in if He hasn't been through what his creation has been through? And that includes what it feels like to be a child rape, burn, or parental abandonment victim. The Passion of Christ, whether you believe in it or not, at least conceptually lets this God get a touch of our pain in all its forms. It is the least HE can do, and in Christianity HE did it.

    So now I can get on with my day!