Friday, April 25, 2008

The LQF: Like I Met The Wizard Of Oz

Man, there was so much twisted good news in the paper today, I actually found myself giggling in the street like a madman. And I mean that: I once came out of a nightclub after a night of debauchery (featuring large quantities of acid) and saw a guy wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts - and carrying a baguette - just laughing his ass off. And I wondered: what did he have to be so happy about? Now I know - things were going his way!

The New York Times's Paul Krugman finally noticed The Law of Quantum Failure in the Democratic primaries, admitting "This wasn’t the way things were supposed to play out", as these NewAge-y Democrats suffer from "self-inflicted confusion". How cool is that? Paul fucking Krugman - getting smart after all these years - whoda thunk it? I sincerely don't think the ol' boy can handle what's happening - or his cultish readers - but, from the bottom of my heart (and I do mean the very bottom) I wish them all the best with it.

Staying with the LQF - and the New York Times - a bunch of letter writers took David Brooks to task for his NewAge swing through medieval Europe, with Jerry Becker of Albuquerque, New Mexico, reminding him:

"It is preposterous to view the Middle Ages with such nostalgia. The 'spiritual powers' that led to such great events as the Inquisition and other mass killings of Jews and the Crusades were most certainly influenced by the false interpretation of celestial configurations and misuse of religious and secular power.

To yearn for such a 'faith'-based Arthurian time is naïve. Is this the fantasy world to which conservatives would like to return? Before we wax poetic about the Black Death, we should realize that medieval Europe was a miserable, intolerant place where human life was cheap.

I can certainly think of many other civilizations to wax poetic about, but medieval Europe with its astrological-religious culture is not one of them. The faith-based life of that time serves as a demonstration of how faith can be twisted by those in power or, as we see in the present, those trying to win elections."
Amen, brother. I am with you 100% on that shit. Fuck "ancient teachings" and all the ignorance they represent. Americans, especially, should know better. And David Brooks? Come on.

Lots of people are talking about Steve Martin's turn in the new Tina Fey/Amy Poehler movie, "Baby Mama", where the "wild a crazy guy" plays Fey's "belligerently New Agey entrepreneur" of a boss. The L.A. Times even reminds us Martin's character represents "the we-can-have-it-all types who make life so hard for people" - got that: for other innocent people - now how's that for an LQF endorsement? I told you, The Secret's got nothing on this shit.

The founder of Greenpeace, Patrick Moore, has come out to say there's no proof global warming is caused by humans, which is good news, because - truth be told - I haven't found any either. Law of Quantum Failure, I love you! (Kids, this is about as close to being a "believer" in anything as I get,...)

The astrology-based finally released their supporter's “Obama in 30 Seconds” commercials and guess what? They're all the same! It's fucking hilarious! (Or you-know-what at work,...) And go check out the one original submission that looks like the makers were on drugs: it's a riot!

I swear, folks, today, it seemed like the whole NewAge world was coming apart at once: Tom Cruise is going back on Oprah (and we all know how well that worked out last time). Wesley Snipes is going to prison - and even the testimonials of his fellow NewAge celebrities couldn't help him - not even Woody fucking Harrelson's! Here's Denzel Washington's:

"Wesley is like a mighty oak tree. Many who know him have witnessed the fruit of his labours. I have sat in his shade and even been protected by his presence."
Wow. That's "deep", Denzel. I'd put that shit right up there with (my old pal) Michael Franti's "You can bomb the world to pieces but you can't bomb it to peace." It's that fucking bad. Why, after that shit, I seriously think I'm gonna put a potted plant through acting school tomorrow.

To fight all that evil Global Warming, you understand,...

1 comment:

  1. I'm reading your post and laughing despite my better judgment here. It's a riot. Your giggles are contagious (and your commentary brilliant).