The Crack Emcee Presents "G.A.B.O.S. (Game Ain't Based On Sympathy)" - starting with the "big news" first.
Pentagon releases 154 pages on UFO crashes; expert says findings may "change our lives forever" - UFO "expert": uh-huh.
Impeachment Boomerangs on Democrats - just it it did last time (because the Democrat Party does not learn).
GOP Senator Censured by State Party Hours After Impeachment Vote - no one betrays these voters again.
The Cons Are Alright - All the assholes are being kicked to the curb.
Pelosi Throws a Tantrum Over Giving Trump a 'Slap on the Wrist' - somebody's wine box ran out.
Student Loan Debtors Refusing to Pay Off Debt in Anticipation of Biden Forgiveness - a college grad should know that's not a good idea.
Biden Demands Congress Pass Gun Ban: "No Time To Wait" - all this "unity" could be a danger to his health.
WOW: Lindsey Graham Suggests Kamala Harris Could Be Impeached When GOP Retakes House - that's a great idea.
NYT Retracts Story First Published on Jan. 8 That Capitol Hill Police Officer Was Killed by a Fire Extinguisher Thrown by Protesters - shorter: they lied to us.