Friday, April 24, 2009

Hydroponic Contingency Face Therapy Operations

Our proposed new name for Water-boarding should satisfy the nut-job left’s fixation with stupid useless euphemisms, while also providing, by the use of the word “Therapy”, an irresistible appeal to NewAgers.

9 comments:

  1. There were a lot of euphemisms involved in this endeavor :

    "extraordinary rendition,"
    "enhanced interrogation techniques"
    "shock and awe"

    ... etc - but as far as I know just about all of these came from the Bush White House itself.

    In stark contrast to the neoconservative fondness for linguistic evasion, most of the "progressive" types I know simply called these things what they actually were, using normal, everyday language :

    "kidnapping"
    "torture"
    "firebombing civilian neighborhoods"

    etc.

    On a related note, this is an interesting and amusing meme which will no doubt muddy the waters and confuse the issue of torture for a lot of uninformed voters, thus proving highly useful to the GOP.

    If I were you I would forward it to Fox News or Rush Limbaugh somehow and make sure you get credit for it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You're close, but most of the "progressive" types I've noticed would call the things you mention:

    "alternative freedom"

    "quantum pain management therapy"

    "teleportation of civilian property to a gaseous state"

    Anyway, water-boarding can't be that bad when you consider people like Madonna do it frequently, with some random guy, only he's face up on the floor and she's not using a bucket. They call it "water sports".

    Thank you though, for the advice on Fox News and Rush Limbaugh. I know you recommend them because they each have the largest audience in their respective outlets by far.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anyway, water-boarding can't be that bad when you consider people like Madonna do it frequently, with some random guy, only he's face up on the floor and she's not using a bucket. They call it "water sports".

    ------

    LOL. It does seem (and I've observed this before in others of your ilk) that in order to maintain your own position - that torture is no big deal and should be seen as a proud part of American foreign and domestic policy - you pretty much have to find some way to trivialize it through a specious pop culture reference.

    Because this makes it much easier to avoid and evade the uncomfortable reality, which is that the forced simulation of drowing (a technique we picked up from the Chi Coms during the Korean War, and which goes all the way back to the Spanish Inquisition) is actually uncomfortably and painfully out of tune with the way we normally perceive ourselves as Americans.

    Or, to return to another one of the hilarious phrases you suggest here, if I were to refer to the gas chambers of Auschwitz as "teleportation of Semitic citizens to a gaseous state" I suspect you might not admire my cleverness in repurposing your phrase.

    You might even realize what you are actually doing here, and decide that coming up with clever evasive ways to laugh about the murder of civilians isn't so funny after all.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jesus Christ, JK, get off your moral high horse because you ride like a girl. I served in the military and grew up in gang culture - where a pussy like you would get his head beat in with a ball-peen hammer for being a pussy - get something straight:

    You better realize - as we do - there are some rough customers out there and just because you want want us all to sing Kumbaya together, that shit just ain't gonna happen.

    Now, just because you ain't got the balls to protect the rest of us doesn't mean anybody else is going to play patty-cake with ruthless thugs because it makes you feel all queasy. I know what the United States stands for and part of what it stands for is strength in the face of our enemies - no matter how deep they want to get. That's what we have SEALS for (like the ones that just killed a bunch of Somali teenagers to save a captain) and what Congress has approved - while, of course, lying to patsies like you that they didn't know.

    Damn, man, when are you going to grow up and accept that you're being played for a fool? Obama was properly vetted by journalists before the election? A Lie. Democrats and torture? A Lie. Valerie Plame? A lie? A lie. Democrats and the mortgage crisis? A lie. Global warming? A lie.

    Shit, man, come on: You're a rube - a sap, an idiot, a doofus, a child - and you just don't get it yet. And those bastards are going to keep letting you "believe" their bullshit until there's absolutely nothing left of you.

    Laughing at the murder of civilians? Shit, man, not only is everybody who dies NOT a "civilian" - like our military and secret services are intent on doing such things: God, you're an idiot; one who, I'm sure, will back up such malicious bullshit with a claim that you're a patriot who "supports the troops" - but, shit yea, what the Left is doing to you is fucking hilarious!!

    And you're the joke!

    Which you'd know if you read the blog objectively and not with a passion to try and poke holes in everything. I wonder why you come here if you can't see the lies we present. Barney Frank admitting he ignited the mortgage crisis not clear enough for you? Congressmen admitting Nancy Pelosi is lying about waterboarding not clear enough for you? Al Gore refusing to testify with any skeptical scientists and climatologists not clear enough for you? Richard Armitage admitting he (a Democrat) revealed Valarie Plames name and then let the other Dems spread a lie for political gain not clear enough for you? If not, here, let me help:

    You've been revealed to be such a sap you have absolutely no business opening your mouth on the issue of politics.

    Is that clear enough for you?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Cemcee

    If your argument is that evasive euphemism is somehow more "manly" than honest description of reality, go for it.

    You have a fan in JRM who I am sure will join you in snickering.

    In fact, I'm pretty sure last week was the anniversary of Turkey's genocide of the Armenians, maybe you guys can think up some hilarious euphemism for that.

    Tuff talk makes the man, after all.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I served in the military and grew up in gang culture - where a pussy like you would get his head beat in with a ball-peen hammer

    ########


    Nice try but no sale. These were the tip-offs, in case you were wondering:

    1) Officers in the US military are not "gang culture" thugs who threaten people but well-educated professionals.

    2) By and large they also possess the self-discipline necessary to examine one topic rigorously, wheras you throw up a frightened smokescreen and wander all over the place from "Pelosi" to "global warming" the second anyone actually asks you to back up your shit.

    BTW, going to one of those court-ordered drug rehab bootcamps in the desert doesn't count as "serving in the military" either.

    ReplyDelete
  7. So, Just Kevin, you seem to be so busy trying to project your faux intellect and artificial superior morality that you fail to see how your argument has gone in a circle. You have actually ended up supporting what you thought you were attacking.

    This is a common occurrence amongst people of your ilk.

    I was going to break this down into Gerber sized pieces for you but decided to hell with it. You’re a mental hot shot, and if you start with the original post and walk yourself through it slowly, you may stumble into a light bulb moment for yourself.

    The exciting news is you have won the TMR First Edition Do-It-Yourself At Home Water-boarding Kit, complete with a confession activated voice recorder. And that’s not all; you have been submitted for consideration as a Moron Of The Week, so that’s good.

    ReplyDelete
  8. "If your argument is that evasive euphemism is somehow more 'manly' than honest description of reality, go for it."Dude, you wouldn't know how to honestly describe anything if your life depended on it. You're too stuck on whining for "the world" to see anything for what it is. "Tuff talk makes the man"? You should try being one.

    It would be a vast improvement.

    ReplyDelete
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