"I Felt A Tremendous Opening In My Head" (I'll Say,...)

Jesus, did I hit the NewAge motherlode, or what? An online copy of the entire movie, Aliens from Spaceship Earth? Are you joking? I'M THE MAN!

No, seriously, people are paying good money to see this shit, as it makes it's way around the alternative film circuit, while some of the cool kids hope it's cult-infused message will remind us:

This breakthrough in consciousness gave birth to the highly enlightened era known as [the] 80s. There’s similar stuff brewing these days--let’s hope we do a better job this time around. 

"There’s similar stuff brewing these days"? Where? Sez who? Spell it out, man! The suspense is killing me,...

Anyway, The '70's Division is all here - the conmen Indian "gurus," including (the late-pedophile) Sai Baba, plus fire walking (the same sorry schtick Tony Robbins uses) and a bunch of hippies - including our narrator, the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi devotee, Donovan - who keep dissing science while telling us something big was is going to happen, if only we'd start keep doing ridiculously dumb shit (that could never possibly work) to make it so. And goddammit be defiant about it.

Yes, as far as TMR is concerned, Aliens from Spaceship Earth Is the cinematic equivalent of a gigantic brain freeze - until the deprogrammers step in. (STEP IN! STEP IN! HEEELLLLLLLP!) Full cult critic disclosure:

I'm going to need my exercise hand grips, and something to bite down upon, just to get through it all. 

Either that, or call some friends to help me go totally A Clockwork Orange on it.

But I got it - I landed one of NewAge's white whales. And to tell you the truth, right about now, I'm feeling pretty darned good about myself for it.

Which is great. 

Because I know - after I watch this sucker - I'm going to grow so infuriatingly depressed, about the empty space between the ears of humanity, I'll probably never look another owner of a zodiac sign in the eye again, my head will be hanging so low,...