Really. I mean show of hands:
That's the kind of start in life that'll wake a kid up - fast.
The pain [of divorce] can be like a death - but we still insist people live with it like it's no big deal - which, if you ask me, is about as cruel an act (by society) as the betrayal that tears many marriages apart to begin with.
Crack, you're becoming a contrarian old grouch. And no, divorce isn't "like a death." Not quite as permanent. Ask a child if they'd prefer their parents divorce, or kill one another.
I wanted to write about betrayal in as many ways as I could understand it. I mean there’s so many different kinds of betrayal. Obviously the first story is about marital betrayal, and then the third story is really about a betrayal from her mother to her son.
If you think about things that have connected us, betrayal is one of them. There isn’t one person who hasn’t betrayed someone or been betrayed themselves. If there’s someone who said they hadn’t been on one side or the other, they would be lying. Once you’re our age and you have kids and you see mothers at school, you can see one marriage failing after the other. That sort of happened to me, where three or four of the women I had bonded with — they’re all divorced now. And in their cases, all of them, it was because of a betrayal. That’s why I wanted to write about it.
We were surprised to find that although the death of a parent during one’s childhood was usually difficult, it had no measurable impact on life-span mortality risk. The children adapted and moved on with their lives.
That was the end of the good news. Although losing one’s parent to divorce might seem better than losing a parent through death, we found the opposite. The long-term health effects of parental divorce were often devastating— it was indeed a risky circumstance that changed the pathways of many of the young Terman participants. Children from divorced families died almost five years earlier on average than children from intact families. Parental divorce, not parental death, was the risk. In fact, parental divorce during childhood was the single strongest social predictor of early death, many years into the future.
I know I'm going to die early, but that's O.K.:
Having spent a lifetime with my face forced against this glass, has also been no way to live.
To be cont'd,…